


Namesakes and Non-Fiction

by xisney



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 80,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4476977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xisney/pseuds/xisney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows a female Adaar's runthrough of the Inquisition storyline as well as a post-epilogue afterwards. She's an escaped Saarebas trying to get her life together! It's snapshots of the story, extended scenes and embellishments, and a few deviations, rather than a cohesive story of every scene of the game being redescribed. While Adaar has a secondary romance through the story, the focus is on her relationship with Blackwall. Also features Blackwall/Sera friendship. While Adaar is bisexual, only M/F sex is illustrated in this work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few warnings for those who worry about this sort of stuff, and this way you don't have to read the work if you're not into any of these things.  
> -I didn't balance the characters very well because I play favourites, so there's not a lot featuring the advisers (Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana)  
> -For the characters that are featured, I've taken some liberties and realize my interpretation of them may not suit everyone's tastes.  
> -Blackwall is interpreted as bi, and while his past sex life is not described, his past relationship is discussed later in the work.  
> -This isn't exactly a super cohesive story because I wrote it as I was playing the game and edited it when I learned more about the characters. There's a lot of reinterpretation of scenes and moving them around, and I skip over most of the major events because I'm lazy and didn't want to redescribe them.  
> -This story assumes you've either played the game or know the plotline and can fill in the blanks yourself. Also there are spoilers, obviously.
> 
> Okay if you're good with all of that, let's get started!

Cassandra looked at the Qunari unconscious in the bed. Solas looked dwarfed next to her, and he stared intently into the green void on her hand as if it wasn’t attached to a living body. Cassandra thinned her lips at Solas, failing to hide her distaste, before looking over at the Qunari.

Her horns were broken with one left longer than the other, and the edges were jagged as if they’d been snapped off rather than filed down with care. Her long, nearly black hair hung limp around her with the edges frayed and burned. She had a strong brow with a pair of thick, unmanaged eyebrows. A broad, broken nose sat plainly in the center of her face. Her thick lips carried scars both above and below them. Cassandra leaned closer to see the careful line of tiny holes.

Someone stitched her lips closed.

She made a noise of disgust and Solas didn’t draw his eyes away from her hand as he said, “She is - or was - Saarebas.”

“Yes.”

Solas absently said, “It wasn’t done recently.”

Cassandra knew the scars weren’t fresh. Whatever happened had no relation to her previous containment. She’d seen Saarebas before, and she hardly wanted mages bound like that. Part of her admired whatever the Qunari went through to break out of her containment, but she stuffed that admiration down deep in the pit of her stomach. It likely made the Qunari violent. Perhaps she feared the Circles were a step towards her treatment and thought everything needed to be destroyed.

“She has no eyes.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened for a moment as she looked at Solas and then narrowed as she examined the Qunari’s face closer. She saw scars on her eyelids similar to the ones on her lips. The sockets appeared empty, and a frown grew across Cassandra’s face. What was done to her hardly justified her actions at the Temple, but she understood - not accepted or empathized with - her motivations.

The Qunari’s lips moved carefully, mouthing something that couldn’t be heard, and Cassandra noticed an overbite alongside strong teeth.

“Does she have a tongue?” Cassandra asked.

“I believe so,” Solas replied. “Perhaps the threat of taking it away was the last straw for her.”

Cassandra folded her arms across her chest. “At least there’s a possibility of her telling us what happened.”

*

The prisoner kneeled at Cassandra’s feet, bound and conscious. She was tense, but she surprised Cassandra by not pulling against her restraints. Leliana and she discussed whether or not the restraints would make the Qunari less likely to communicate and more likely to be violent, but they decided on some restraints so they could get at least some sort of upper hand if she became hostile.

Regardless, her passivity surprised Cassandra, though she hid it from her face. She failed to hide her surprise, however, as the gentle voice spilled out from the Qunari’s thick lips. She had expected something deep and brusque, not this. Cassandra stiffened as she interrogated her. The Qunari was either a very good liar or completely unaware of what happened to her. It was strange to see something so large so timid - and sad. The sorrow hung clearly in her face.

*

Cassandra wouldn’t describe the Qunari’s interest in her as unsettling, but she hadn’t been ready for it. The Qunari would wander over while she was training and make some idle chit chat, trying to learn more about her out of - seemingly - interest alone. This blind, easy-going Qunari with so much power in the palm of her hand wanted nothing more than to listen to her. Leliana told her she understood why the Divine welcomed her, though Leliana didn’t smile as she said it.

Her armour emphasized her broad frame, and she wore a blindfold when she overheard a few people talking about finding her empty sockets unnerving. Cassandra told her she didn’t have to do that, but the Qunari simply shrugged and offered her a sheepish smile. She stood out like a black cat in fresh snowfall. Massive. Deep grey-brown skin. Her staff sometimes emitted harmless sparks as she walked, and Cassandra suspected the Qunari used it to help guide her. Josephine helped the Qunari trim her hair - at the Qunari’s request - and she wore it in a tight bun. Several strands often fell out and curled.

Cassandra found it hard not to smile as the Qunari playfully flirted with her and backed off when she pried too much. She was a formidable spell caster, something Cassandra couldn’t help but find impressive. Cassandra caught her counting under her breath as she learned the different locations of Haven. And Cassandra watched her on more than one occasion, walking around Haven with her hands knitted behind her back, smiling as the cool breeze washed over her face.

She wondered what she had to be happy about. Nameless. Friendless. Blind. Most people thought she was a killer. 

Cassandra did not think she was a killer. The Qunari was a fighter, and Cassandra admired fighters. 

As she swung at the training dummy, she watched the Qunari talking to Cullen out of the corner of her eye. She stood out in the middle of all those swinging soldiers, and she moved through the crowd with ease, letting the clink of swords and yells guide her away from danger. 

By the way heat rose to Cullen’s cheeks Cassandra suspected he’d gotten a taste of her flirtatious tongue. Cassandra smiled to herself and turned back to the dummy. This was all a mess, and she was glad the Qunari seemed happy and willing to go along with whatever they requested.

*

Varric sat by the fire as the Qunari sat down beside him. He still hadn’t decided on a nickname for her, which was a shame since she still had no name. “I’m sorry for dragging you across the hinterlands,” she said. “I didn’t expect there to be so much climbing.”

“You really didn’t need to carry me on your shoulders.”

“Please, Solas and Cassandra are the last ones who are going to make fun of you,” she said. “I know you liked it.”

“Just don’t go spreading that around, all right?”

“Who am I going to tell?” the Qunari asked. “Solas doesn’t want to talk unless it’s about the fade. I like how enthusiastic he is, but - does he really need to call you ‘child of the stone’ when you’re a surface dwarf? I mean, you clearly don’t like it.”

“Yeah, Solas has his staff up his ass.”

“Is he cute?”

Varric laughed. “Do you like eggs?”

“No.”

“Then no.”

She smiled and leaned forward, propping her head up with her hands. Varric watched the way the light illuminated her strong features. She said, “We’re going to start recruiting new people. I thought the four of us would be closing rifts together, but Cassandra says it’s important I don’t burn anyone out and keep a variety of talents on hand.”

“I’m not going to complain if you don’t bring me anywhere except for in the city. Uneven ground. Rain. Rocks. I don’t need any of it,” Varric said. “I miss fighting in a city. Much easier.”

“I’m hearing people speak of your ‘Tale of the Champion.’ You were with the mage who started the rebellion?”

“Yeah,” Varric said. “Hawke - the Champion - she’s with him, you know, romantically. I guess she cared a lot about mage’s rights because of her sister Bethany who had been an apostate her whole life. Now she’s with the Grey Wardens. I - we - almost got her killed. Anders managed to bring her to another Grey Warden and she survived the Joining. I think Hawke and Anders grew much closer after that. He became Mr. Dependable, except when it came to not blowing up the Chantry.”

“I only understood about half of what you said,” the Qunari replied with a laugh. “Hawke is the champion. Bethany is her sister. So Anders is the mage?”

“Yes,” Varric replied. “Sorry, I guess I’m so used to everyone knowing the story-”

“Would you read it to me?” the Qunari asked. “If you’re not too busy.”

She reminded Varric of Hawke. Hawke flirted with everyone, made a lot of jokes, but had a lot of compassion and stuck true to what she believed was right. The Qunari was much more timid when it came to being social, but flirting seemed to be her defence mechanism and her way of showing she cared about the people around her. Though he hadn’t seen much of it yet, he thought the Qunari would stick true to what she believed was right too. She was already determined to help where she could.

Part of him wondered if she was just desperate for a purpose. He’d seen a Saarebas before with Hawke, and he wondered how hard it was for her to walk away from what life. He made a mental note to ask her once she seemed more comfortable with him.

“I can read some of it,” he said. “It’s getting too late to travel anyway.”

“And then tomorrow we’ll seek out new companions so they can do all the walking while we stay behind so I can hear the rest,” she replied.

“I thought you liked walking.”

“Oh, I do,” she said, “even with a dwarf on my shoulders. But I want to hear about the Champion of Kirkwall. Everyone talks about her, but I barely know anything about her. Her and the Hero of Ferelden. You didn’t know her, did you?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“She wasn’t a surface dwarf, right?”

“Right. She was casteless and came from Orzammar,” Varric replied. “We should see if we can stop and see the statue of her.”

“I’d love that,” the Qunari replied with a dreamy sigh. “Did you write anything about her?”

“I’ve gathered notes for it,” Varric replied. 

He noticed Cassandra approaching casually. She either didn’t want to interrupt them or wanted to eavesdrop. Varric considered telling the Qunari. “I’d love to hear about that sometime too,” she replied, “but Hawke first. And tell me more about the Grey Wardens. Did you know I thought about joining them?”

Varric laughed. “Really?”

“Yes. Once I overheard the Arishok mention the Hero of Ferelden. He admired her - another woman, a dwarf. It baffled me, but it inspired me. I thought I could devote my life to fighting a blight, surrounded by my comrades. That would be a real purpose. An outlet for my skills. I never managed to track any down to join though.”

“So you came here to be a Grey Warden?”

She hesitated. Cautiously, she started, “I wanted to learn in the Circle,” she replied. “I heard of how the humans - though I suppose not exclusively humans - dealt with my abilities and grew tired of the threats of my tongue being cut out. I don’t want to be a danger to anyone. I want to learn and improve myself. I thought the Circle would be the way to learn.”

Varric nodded. “And when you came here, they were all destroyed.”

The Qunari smiled softly. Varric noted she hadn’t admitted that was why she came. She said, “It did mean, however, there were plenty of mages about to learn from. I still dream of what the Circle must have been. Towers filled with people and stacks of books. I’d be surrounded by people like me.”

“So is this a disappointment?”

“No,” the Qunari replied. “I’ve learned from Solas. I’m sure we’ll meet other mages, and I’ve learned that my visions of the Circle is extremely naive. It sounds like they were oppressed too - though I suppose knowing what I went through probably makes it sound like a paradise.”

The Qunari seemed to look in Cassandra’s direction, and Varric said, “Well, Hawke and Anders can probably paint a better picture of the Circle, though it may be biased depending on who you talk to.”

She turned back to Varric. “Does this mean you’ll read some?”

“Until it’s too dark to read the words.”

“Excellent,” she replied with a happy sigh. “Do you know I wanted to meet a dwarf? After hearing about the Hero of Ferelden, I always dreamt of it. I suppose you’ve met plenty of Qunari though.”

“Not one quite like you.”

“I am not certain that was a compliment, but I will take it as one,” she said, laughing. “I’ve heard you’re quite the looker.”

“Please, go on,” Varric said, winking at Cassandra whose lips thinned into a frown.

“You wear this tunic that displays a prominent chest and an impressive amount of chest hair, but I’ve also heard that you don’t seem to be interested in much beyond flirting,” the Qunari replied.

“So you like chest hair.”

“I like your confidence,” the Qunari replied. “And you have a small scar on the bridge of your nose.”

“Someone told you that?”

“I felt it,” she replied. “When I almost fell off the mountain with you on my shoulders, you buried your face into my neck and screamed and I felt that little scar. I bet it’s charming.”

“Yeah, don’t go spreading that story around,” he said, laughing weakly.

“I caught my footing,” she replied.

“The embarrassing part isn’t that you almost fell off a mountain.”

“Oh, it’s you screaming,” she replied.

Cassandra chuckled, and the Qunari’s face lit up into a broader smile. “Are you going to listen as well?” the Qunari asked her.

“If Varric doesn’t mind.”

“You’ve heard this story before, Seeker,” he said. “You’ve read the book and heard me tell it.”

“Maybe the Qunari will ask questions I hadn’t considered asking.”

She said, “I’ll mostly be asking him to rate how attractive his friends are.”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, and Varric said, “I’m going to really enjoy telling this story.”

*

Big. Flirty. Great smile. Laughed about the stolen pantaloons.

Blind and stuff.

Sera watched the Qunari duck her head as walked out of the tavern. She assumed the Qunari was used to hitting her broken horns on the doorframe and got used to ducking. Sera thought she might start practicing firing her bow blind. What was the worst that could happen?

Apparently the Qunari worked with Qunari before and they called her Adaar. The Qunari hadn’t told anyone here, nor had she requested anyone call her that, but someone found out and now a few called her Adaar. Sera noted that most still referred to her as the Qunari, and she wasn’t about to start calling her by a last name that might carry venom with it.

She’d come up with a nickname, if Varric didn’t beat her to it.

Fuck it, she could still use her own if he did.

She walked out of the tavern and watched as the Qunari sat by Varric. The dwarf pulled out a book and started to read from it. She noticed Cassandra loitered some distance away, and Sera frowned when she couldn’t decide if Cassandra wanted to stay off the Qunari’s radar. She didn’t like the idea of someone trying to deceive the Qunari.

The Qunari sprawled out on a log and used Varric’s leg as a pillow. Sera wondered if her horns pressed anything important, and she heard Varric protest with a smile on his face. Sera approached as Varric said, “You don’t need to put your massive head in my lap to hear the story better.”

“You don’t know that,” the Qunari replied. “It adds a lot.”

“What on earth could it add to the story?”

“You talk with your hands and I can feel it better from here,” the Qunari replied. “Is that Sera?”

Sera replied, “Yeah.”

“Varric’s reading me his Tale of the Champion,” she said. “Do you want to listen in?”

“I’m not starting from the beginning,” Varric said. “You made me reread the last chapter because Cassandra missed it and I’m not doing it all over again.”

“Well Cassandra missed good bits,” the Qunari replied.

“So you like stories?” Sera asked the Qunari.

“Yeah,” she replied, knitting her hands across her stomach. “I like stories with history - I don’t know much of it.”

“Boring.”

“Exciting stories with history,” the Qunari added.

“Only history?” Sera asked.

“I suppose not,” she replied. “I haven’t heard many stories period.”

“Can I at least make some progress on this one?” Varric asked. “Cassandra is skulking around waiting for it to start.”

*

Sera sat on the Qunari’s shoulders, her arms wrapped around her horns and resting her head on top of hers. “Bored.”

“We’re seeking out a Grey Warden,” Cassandra said. “They’ve all gone missing. It may take some time.”

Sera sighed. “Doesn’t make it interesting.”

She looked down at the Qunari. It was the most serious Sera thought she’d ever seen her. Varric cursed behind them as he tripped over a rock. She’d heard something about the Qunari wanting to join the Wardens, which seemed like a pretty dumb thing to want to Sera.

They’d heard stories about the Grey Warden on the path to seeing him. He was eager to assist the people around him, offering his blade and knowledge to help others protect themselves. He seemed to want to fight to help the little people that others overlooked, and Sera liked that. She liked the Inquisition because the Qunari didn’t overlook the little people, though there was too much standing around a table and talking for her taste.

“Do you want me to carry you?” the Qunari asked Varric.

“What, under your arm?” Varric asked.

“I got prime real estate,” Sera said.

“Yeah, I could probably carry you like that,” the Qunari said. “I was thinking I could try to cradle you in my arms.”

“Like a baby.”

“Well, no, more like this.” The Qunari made a cradling motion with her arms.

“Okay, that’s exactly how you hold a child,” Varric said, laughing.

“So you would consider being carried if I could make it look more masculine.”

“Only up very high inclines, and only when very few people can see it,” Varric said.

“I will never tire of seeing it,” Cassandra said.

He added, “And not when the Seeker is around.”

They neared a lake, and Cassandra said, “I think it’s around here.”

Sera pointed out the house across the lake, and she hopped off the Qunari’s shoulders as she realized the men were armed and prepared to fight. Cassandra said, “We better move quickly.”

Sera walked a few steps behind the Qunari, drawing her bow back as bandits charged at the house. The Qunari stayed protectively in front of her as she raised her staff.

*

Lightning shot from the sky with a sickening crack and hit three of the bandits.

Blackwall turned his head to see the massive, blindfolded Qunari woman shooting electricity from her staff. A human woman joined his men, covering the more inexperienced one as she swung her blade at the bandits. A bandit shoved past him to attack the Qunari mage, and Blackwall shoved him aside with his shield to keep him away from the Qunari. An elf appeared from behind her and sunk an arrow into the bandit’s eye before ducking away behind the Qunari again.

A bolt shot out to cover the woman, and Blackwall spotted the dwarf using his house as cover.

What was going on?

Another bandit charged at the Qunari, and Blackwall blocked him with his shield again. A sudden warmth enveloped him as the bandit swung at him, and the warmth knitted around him, protecting him. He had felt enough barriers to know what the Qunari did, but it somehow felt different. A protective embrace.

He hadn’t felt anything this close to affection for a long time. 

The human woman joined him to hit the bandit from his back, and when the bandit fell, Blackwall left the eclectic party to congratulate his men and send them on their way. The party left, and Blackwall turned back to the four.

The Qunari wore a serene smile and asked, “Warden Blackwall?”

When he nodded and introduced himself, the Qunari explained the death of the Divine and that they sought the Grey Wardens. When he admitted he had no information for them, the Qunari offered him a weaker smile and a mild flirtation before starting to walk off.

Fear sat in his stomach. If he joined these people, they may realize who he was, but they seemed a noble sort, and he didn’t want to turn his back on someone who needed aid. Plus, there was the Qunari, who offered him an impossible warmth he didn’t deserve. He looked back at the house, Blackwall’s house, and his stomach turned at the thought of being among people again. He reached out after them and offered his assistance. “I’ll pack up a few things and join you,” he said. “If you think I can help.”

The human said to the Qunari, “His insight could be invaluable.”

“We’d appreciate any support you can offer,” the Qunari said.

He invited them into his home as he grabbed a bag and packed a few things. He noticed the elf openly snooped through his belongings while the dwarf appraised his possessions with more subtlety. The woman introduced herself as a Seeker - Cassandra Pentaghast - and the dwarf said his name was Varric Tethras and also introduced his crossbow. The dwarf’s name seemed familiar, but he couldn’t pinpoint why. Neither the elf nor the Qunari introduced themselves, and Blackwall slung his bag over his shoulder as they left his home. He locked up, half expecting to find his home burned down when he came back to it, if he came back to it at all. He followed the others as they walked.

“I should be able to get there on my own,” Blackwall said.

“Just follow the big hole in the sky,” Varric said.

“There are mages, templars, and bandits everywhere,” Cassandra said. “We could walk him to a camp and give him another Inquisition escort.”

“We should return to Haven,” the Qunari said. “I want to modify our weapons before we see the mages-”

“-and the templars,” Cassandra added.

“I just want to make sure everyone is fully equipped. Vivienne mentioned she thought my staff could use some improvements.”

“In good shape for a piece a shit found on the ground,” the elf said.

“I just know it feels right and it’s not splintering,” the Qunari said.

“It’s a fine staff,” Varric said. “But I did see some things that might help out Bianca, so if you’re going to help her out, then I’m fine with making a stop back at Haven.”

“Do you want a ride, Sera?” the Qunari asked the elf.

Blackwall made a mental note of her name so he wouldn’t have to sheepishly ask for her name later. “What if we run into more bandits?” Varric asked.

They stopped walking as the Qunari hunched over. Sera climbed onto her shoulders, and she gripped her horns for a moment as the Qunari stood upright again. Sera rested her head on top of the Qunari’s and said, “Can shoot fine from up here. They won’t even spot me up in the clouds.”

“She can climb down fast,” the Qunari replied. “I believe you’re just jealous.”

“I don’t want to sit on your shoulders,” Varric said.

Sera scoffed and Blackwall noticed Cassandra increased her pace to walk ahead of them. He decided it was likely an argument she heard many times before and lost interest, but they still had his interest. “Bitch about walking but won’t accept a free ride,” Sera said.

“The last time I got a free ride, she fell off a cliff.”

“Almost,” the Qunari replied. “I steadied myself.”

“Only because the Seeker grabbed your arm.”

“That’s what I said,” the Qunari replied. “I steadied myself. Besides, if we had fallen, my body would have broken your fall.”

“I would have preferred not to fall at all,” Varric said. “We need to help out that horsemaster so we can get horses. It takes forever to travel back and forth.”

“Would be shorter if you used someone’s long legs instead of your stubby ones,” Sera said.

“I don’t slow you down that much,” Varric said.

“Cassandra is basically in Orlais,” Sera said.

“Cassandra is walking ahead again?” the Qunari asked. “But Blackwall’s still with us, right?”

“I’m here,” Blackwall said.

“I thought I heard your armour.”

“You did.”

The three grew quiet, and Blackwall grew uncomfortable. He hardly knew what to say to these strangers, and he couldn’t exactly ask the Qunari’s name. She seemed intent on keeping it to herself, and neither of her companions offered that information. He supposed he could walk ahead with Cassandra and ask her, but he didn’t like leaving the vulnerable members of the party too many steps behind him.

“Bored,” Sera announced. “Tired of trees.”

“I’m tired of grass,” Varric said. “I’d like some even cobblestones.”

Blackwall kept his opinion to himself and tried not to watch the Qunari out of the corner of his eye. He noticed her lips gently moving as if she talked to herself under her breath. He rather liked her lips and admired them for a moment before noticing the scars on them. His eyes widened.

Saarebas.

He supposed the weight of the elf on her shoulders was familiar, and she was likely used to the extra weight. And Qunari tended to have large frames, but it explained her muscular frame completely. She’d be used to carrying heavy weights long distance and still casting spells.

He thought of her barrier and its embrace. He wondered if that’s what her arms would feel like around him.

“Did you bring the ‘Tale of the Champion’ with you?” the Qunari asked.

Did she even have a name? Blackwall wondered.

Varric sighed. “I can’t read and walk.”

“Should have sat on her shoulders,” Sera said.

Blackwall asked, “What’s the ‘Tale of the Champion’?”

“Oh no,” Varric said, raising up his hands in exasperation. “No, I’m not starting from the beginning. She made me start over three times. Once with Cassandra. Once with Sera. Once with Vivienne. This book was a bestseller. Why do we keep meeting hermits who haven’t read it?”

“Vivienne and Cassandra have read it,” Sera said. “They just wanted to hear you tell it.”

“Vivienne did not tell me that,” Varric said with a huff.

“You mean the book that’s about Adelaide Hawke?” Blackwall asked. “I heard about it, but-”

“No,” Varric said. “I’m putting my foot down. I can lend you a copy and you can catch up.”

“I’d like to hear the scene where she sleeps with Isabella again,” Sera said.

“No, I am not reading that scene again,” Varric said, sharply. “You made it too vivid when you embellished it.”

“I liked the embellishments,” the Qunari said. “It was very educational.”

“I thought Hawke is dating that former Grey Warden,” Blackwall said.

“She is,” Varric said, “but she slept with — no, you’re not getting me to tell it again. I’m done, Qunari.”

The Qunari and Sera laughed to themselves, and Blackwall hid his smile when Varric shot them a deadly look. Blackwall said, “I would like to borrow the copy, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble,” Varric said, still glaring at the other two. “I’ve been reading it at night, so once you catch up, you can join us if you’d like, but I don’t recommend it. There is too much commentary from the peanut gallery.”

The Qunari asked, “Blackwall, do you know the mage Hawke is dating?”

“Not personally,” Blackwall said. “They say the Hero of Ferelden convinced him to join the Wardens, but the timeline doesn’t work out. She died fighting the archdemon. She wouldn’t have been alive when Anders joined.”

“Did you know-”

“No, I wasn’t in Ferelden,” he replied. “But I knew the man who recruited her.”

“What about the Grey Warden who was with her?”

“Alistair?” Blackwall asked. “I’m aware of him, but I haven’t met him personally. They say he should be on the throne.”

“Do you know anything about them?” she asked.

Varric said, “You’ll have to forgive her. She’s a little infatuated with the story, but no one knows much about it.”

“There’s a statue of her in Highcliff,” Blackwall said. “I think there’s a storyteller in town who might have a thing or two to say about her. I’ve only heard humours. They say she travelled with an Antivan assassin, an Orlesian bard, a stone golem - it was a large party. There was a Qunari too, wasn’t there?”

Blackwall gave the Qunari a hopeful smile, but it faded as a shadow crossed her face. He regretted mentioning it at all. “Yes,” she simply replied.

Varric quickly said, “I met Alistair a few times. Hawke’s sister travelled with him.”

“Is that Bethany Hawke?” Blackwall asked.

“Have you met her?” the Qunari asked, hopefully.

Blackwall let out a laugh. “No. I’m pretty isolated and focus on recruitment. A lot of the newer members I don’t really know.”

“So you recruit new members?” she asked. “Do you train them?”

“Careful what you answer,” Varric said. “If it wasn’t for that hole in the sky, she’d throw you over her shoulder and take you back to the cabin so you could teach her.”

Blackwall thought he might not have minded as the Qunari said, “That’s not true.”

“You know it’s true,” Varric said with a laugh.

“Well I might not throw him over my shoulder,” she said. “He seems larger than a dwarf.”

“Did she throw you over her shoulder?” Blackwall asked Varric.

*

Blackwall wasn’t uncomfortable in Haven. He stayed near the smithy and the edge of town, trying to isolate himself as well as avoiding wearing out his welcome. He eyed up the Qunari whenever she stopped to modify their weapons and armour, and he didn’t keep it a secret that he admired her. He heard about all the things she’d done for Haven and the surrounding areas. He heard she’d woken up captured with a hole in her hand and she embraced her fate, determined to fix the hole in the sky.

She reminded him of Blackwall. Eager to assist. Looking for the best in people. Kind. Warm. He’d have let her walk all over him if she wanted, and he admired her all the more for not wanting to.

He took a step away from the cabins to look up at the Breach. It’d be something if she managed to fix that. He’d heard the mages wanted to talk, but Cassandra and Cullen wanted her to approach the templars. He doubted she’d see them without seeing the mages first.

The Qunari approached him and asked, “Anything to report?”

“Nothing really,” he replied, offering her a smile and hoping she sensed it. “We’ve already talked about me. You know my thoughts on your team.”

She knitted her hands behind her back and rocked on the balls of her feet. “Oh yes, Josephine’s lovely.”

“She is.”

The Qunari smiled, and he held his tongue before admitting he preferred the Qunari to her. He couldn’t have a relationship with either of them. There was no point in teasing her. Blackwall leaned against the fence, and the Qunari followed suit when she heard the fence creak. Or maybe it was his footsteps. He didn’t know.

“Do you find it all right here?” the Qunari asked. “I mean, are you happy on the edge of town?”

“I like it here fine,” he replied, nodding. “You know I sometimes train the men when I’m not stepping on Cullen’s toes, and I drink with Sera some evenings.”

“She’s fond of you,” the Qunari said. “It’s hard to make a good impression on her.”

“You certainly did.”

“Well I am tall,” she replied. “Sera likes them tall, apparently.”

Blackwall chuckled and leaned back. “Is there anything budding between you two?”

“You didn’t strike me as one to gossip,” the Qunari replied.

“I just thought maybe it was one of those things where you didn’t know who you could talk to about it. I couldn’t imagine Cassandra being approachable.”

“Varric seems to keep his distance a bit too,” the Qunari replied. “Maybe after all that happened to Hawke and his friends, he’s afraid of letting anyone too close.”

“Or maybe he’s afraid you’ll sling him over your shoulder again.”

She laughed and Blackwall leaned a bit closer. He loved her laugh, but Sera and Varric were usually the ones to weasel it out of her. “I’m wearing him down,” she said with a nod. “Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe he’s put up his walls for a reason.”

“Well, he hasn’t said anything about it to me,” Blackwall said. “But we were talking about you and Sera.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

The Qunari’s smile turned sheepish. “I know Sera’s really pretty, and she’s so much fun.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“I know I’m fun and I’m caring, but,” she shrugged and softened some. “Even if I had eyes and no scars, I have a big forehead and big teeth and a big nose-”

“Sera likes them big,” Blackwall said.

“She’s too good for me,” the Qunari replied. “And there are other things too, but,” she thinned her lips for a moment, and Blackwall thought she might continue before she sharply said, “And, I don’t know, I should concentrate on what’s happening here. Who knows what will happen to the anchor on my hand? It seems foolish to start up a relationship only to have the anchor consume me. Why put someone through all that pain?”

Blackwall nodded. He understood that completely. He ran through his own life as he thought about the things she must have been through. He said, “But you deserve a sliver of happiness, don’t you?”

She smiled - a genuine, large smile that spread to Blackwall’s face. He adored it. “I am happy here,” she replied. “I love helping the people here. I love hearing Varric’s stories. I don’t need to hurt anyone to do that. Except, maybe, a few bad people who deserve it.”

“That’s a fine attitude to have.”

She nodded and folded her arms across her chest. He expected her to excuse herself, but she lingered. He didn’t know if she listened to the horses, the soldiers training, or if she just enjoyed his quiet company. He enjoyed hers.

“If you don’t mind my prying, what do you prefer I call you?” Blackwall asked. “I heard your old group tracked you down, and they call you Adaar.”

The Qunari nodded. “It’s a really common surname,” she replied, stiffening. “They felt strange not calling me anything, and I didn’t want to use the name I had before.”

“So you remember it?”

The Qunari said nothing. Her posture changed. She hugged herself and her expression turned blank. He thought if he powered through this awkward conversation, maybe he could give her a bit more happiness.

Blackwall continued, “Do you prefer Adaar? I feel odd saying ‘the Qunari.’”

“I am not Qunari,” she replied. “A Qunari is one who followed the Qun. I do not.”

“So I shouldn’t even be saying the Qunari to begin with,” Blackwall said. “I suppose it makes you very uncomfortable. I truly apologize.”

She shrugged. “You didn’t know. I let it progress too far so it felt strange to correct the others.”

“Well we can’t call you that, and if you want to disassociate from the common last name, we should find you another.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you can pick out a name and we will call you it.”

The corner of one lip rose, and her posture softened. Blackwall continued, “You could pick someone you liked from one of Varric’s stories.”

“I love stories about Varric’s Aveline, but there’s another Aveline and I don’t know her lore very well. I know Aveline didn’t like being named after that Aveline, so perhaps it is not the namesake to use, since people will think of that Aveline rather than Varric’s Aveline,” she said. “I can’t steal Hawke’s name. I think it would make Varric uncomfortable.”

“Who else do you like?” Blackwall asked. “What about the lead from that romance serial?”

“Varric won’t read it to me,” she replied. “He says it’s too embarrassing. I bet there are steamy scenes.”

“There are steamy scenes.”

“Would you-”

“No, I can’t read it to you,” he said with a laugh. “Sera might, but you know how she tells stories.”

She laughed. “I’d never know what version was the real one,” she said. “And she’d stop halfway through.”

As she rubbed her chin in thought, Blackwall said, “You don’t have to decide now. Think about it.”

“What about the Hero of Ferelden?” she asked. “Daniela. I don’t know if I can live up to her example, but I’d like to.”

“If that’s what you like-”

“Yes, I think Daniela,” she said with a smile. “We can keep the last name Adaar for consistency’s sake. It’s not ideal, but if I have a first name to retreat to, it’ll be tolerable. I’ll go tell Varric and Sera. Thanks for the suggestion.”

“Anytime,” he said, smiling at her as she jogged away.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m not sitting in your lap,” Varric said.

He was almost sitting in her lap. She squeezed in behind him with her legs on either side of him. She rested her head on top of his and hugged him. “I’m not trying to move you into my lap,” she purred.

“You’re like one step away from it,” Varric said. “I know you, Dani.”

She slipped her hands into his tunic and lightly brushed her fingers against his chest. He felt the warm energy moving through her fingers, though she kept any sparks away from him. He tried not to think about it, and he definitely tried not to think about how much he liked it.

But he took a few mental notes in case he needed to write about a touchy-feely mage in the future.

“Stop that,” he said.

“I don’t understand why you’d wear an open tunic if you don’t want everyone to put their hands in it,” she said.

“It’s so they can see my chest hair.”

“Well I can’t see it,” she said. “I have to feel it.”

She traced her fingers up his chest and a lump started in his throat as he shifted in his seat. He was lucky she wasn’t sitting in his lap. “I’m not going to be able to read this story if you’re going to be feeling me up the entire time.”

Dani sighed and pulled out her hands. Her arms still encircled him, but she knitted her hands together between his knees. A safe distance away. If he really wanted space, he knew she’d give it, but she seemed to know just how much he’d tolerate. 

Vivienne and Josephine encouraged her clinginess. Solas, too, unintentionally encouraged it by constantly checking on her hand, but he humoured her when she’d rest her arm on his shoulder or feel his head. Sera told her off a few times when she wasn’t in a cuddly mood, and she respected the distance she wanted.

She only seemed to give Cassandra a wide berth. Not even Blackwall was safe. He’d get an arm draped across his shoulders or her absently running her fingers through his hair or beard. He had noticed Blackwall was always close to her too. He’d keep his arm or leg against hers - small reassuring touches that would go mostly unnoticed by the people around them.

But he noticed.

And he noticed how Blackwall lingered some distance away from them, glancing and looking away quickly when he thought Varric looked at him. The only person Blackwall was fooling was Dani herself, and even then, that was a maybe. He doubted she wasn’t aware of it either. Vivienne encouraged her flirtations while Josephine ignored them. Sera flirted back, but Varric thought it may be a bit too aggressive for Dani. Cullen was hesitantly interested, but extremely uncomfortable. Varric loved watching her flirt with Cullen as he tried to decide how to react. Cassandra took them as compliments, and more than once she sharply told Varric when Dani’s glowing opinion of her was different than his own.

He tried to put a stop to Dani’s flirtations with him, but she could hear the smile in his voice. He’d be kidding himself if he wanted it to stop anyway. He liked that she never seemed to push or pry too far into his life, and while she didn’t give him physical distance, she gave him the emotional distance he needed. Plus, he liked the attention.

He just couldn’t see any of this ending well, and he already couldn’t stand the thought of losing her. He’d seen what happened to Kirkwall and wondered if he could watch it all happen again. He let the red lyrium out, and he wanted to see it through to the end. But guilt kept him there as much as the sense of adventure did. It’d make a good story.

It’d make a really good story if a blind Qunari with the fate of the world fell in love with a broody Grey Warden. It wouldn’t make much of a story if she fell in love with a smartass surface dwarf.

He smiled and shouted to Blackwall, “Are you listening to more of this story, or what?”

“I thought I’d have a few drinks with Sera tonight,” he replied.

“She’s coming here,” Varric said. “You can drink with her here.”

Dani shifted behind him. He wasn’t sure if it was Blackwall or Sera that provoked a change in her, but she didn’t draw away from him. Blackwall approached and said, “I’m almost caught up. I suppose it won’t hurt to read ahead - or listen ahead.”

He took a seat next to them, but he avoided Varric’s eye. Cassandra tsked and sat down on the other side of Varric and Dani. “You haven’t started yet?” she asked.

“Vivienne and Sera aren’t here,” Dani said. “Varric won’t start so he doesn’t have to backtrack.”

“Your time is wasted either way,” Cassandra said, sharply.

“You’re sitting here with me, Seeker.”

She made a noise of disgust as Vivienne approached, floating a high backed chair from the Chantry behind her. She set it down across from the fire and asked, “Would anyone else like one? I’m sure no one will mind.”

“I’m comfortable,” Dani said.

“You look comfortable, darling,” Vivienne replied with a laugh.

“I’m not,” Varric said. “I’d like a chair that doesn’t have a - doesn’t have Dani on it.”

Blackwall quietly spread the word about calling Daniela a Qunari, and her inner circle responded almost immediately. Varric found his tongue slipping from time to time, and some of the others stumbled as well. 

“Sounds like a boring chair,” Sera said, carrying a chair from the tavern. She gave Vivienne a nod and said, “Right. Glad someone else isn’t dumb.”

Vivienne gave her a polite nod back, and Varric thumbed through the book to find where he left off.

*

“Blackwall?” Cassandra asked, looking in the direction where the Grey Warden paced. “I haven’t thought much about him.”

Varric folded his arms across his chest as Cassandra sheathed her blade. She wasn’t sure why or how Varric had somehow dragged the conversation into Dani’s love life. He said, “But you have noticed, right?”

Sure, she noticed the way Blackwall watched whenever Dani updated their equipment. He’d wait to see if she’d come down and see him, and if she took too long sometimes he’d approach her. If she left without talking to him, sometimes he would go inside the cabin to sulk.

But she wasn’t about to give Varric the impression that she snooped.

“Noticed what?”

Varric let out an exasperated sigh, and Cassandra smiled to herself. She thought Blackwall was particularly sweet on Dani and had enjoyed watching it safely from the sidelines. She particularly liked how Blackwall worked so hard to befriend Varric only to have Varric shut him down or tease him.

She thought Varric’s hopeful matchmaking was a way to keep distance between him and Dani - to convince himself there wasn’t anything there. She thought he was more jealous than Blackwall or Sera, and she knew somewhere a romantic lurked inside of him.

Varric said, “He practically drowns her in compliments whenever she’s around. You must have noticed that.”

“I would say there are numerous things to compliment Dani about. She certainly points out my strengths.”

Varric rubbed his face as Cullen approached. He looked in the direction of Blackwall and asked, “Are we discussing Warden Blackwall?”

“Gossiping more like,” Varric said.

“I have not contributed anything to this conversation,” Cassandra said.

“She really hasn’t,” Varric said.

“Do you really think he would date a Qunari?” Cullen asked. “I mean, I like Dani fine, though I’m not sure how many times I can tell her about the one second where I met the Hero of Ferelden. She’s sweet, but I couldn’t imagine being intimate with - she’s so large.”

“You would never date a woman taller than you?” Varric asked.

“It must be hard to find any women to date if you refuse to date any stronger than you,” Cassandra said.

Cullen thinned his lips and folded his arms across his chest. “They’re different from us. And she’s a mage.”

“You’re talking to a dwarf,” Varric said.

“I’m just saying I couldn’t do it,” Cullen said. “I imagine Warden Blackwall is very confused if he has feelings for her.”

“It would really be none of our business if he did,” Cassandra replied.

Varric added, “I don’t think he even considers her race. He’s probably hesitating because he can’t decide if it’s appropriate.”

Cassandra said, “He is also a Grey Warden. They have a limited lifespan.”

Cullen asked, “So neither of you would be uncomfortable with-”

“No, I wouldn’t be uncomfortable,” Cassandra sharply replied.

Varric shrugged and said, “Not really.”

*

Blackwall breathed in the sea air as they stood near the shoreline of the Storm Coast. Varric nudged Blackwall and motioned towards the massive Qunari Dani spoke to with Cassandra. Dani gripped her staff so tightly her knuckles looked white.

“Something’s wrong,” Varric said.

Blackwall gave him a sharp nod and they approached. Iron Bull said, “You won’t be asked back to the Qun. You won’t be a -”

Dani turned around and stumbled in the sand as she tried to walk away. Cassandra wrapped her arm around her back to steady her. Her touch surprised Blackwall. He knew Cassandra and Dani had a special sort of friendship, but Cassandra’s touches were always limited. Bull said, “I think the Charges will really contribute to the Inquisition. I’m just relaying information - that’s all.”

“We are just going to discuss it,” Cassandra said, leading Dani towards Varric and Blackwall.

Dani sat down in the sand, dropping her staff next to her. She said, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You don’t have to let him join,” Cassandra said. “Or we can have them join and keep them away from you.”

Dani weakly said, “I don’t know if I can do any of this.”

Cassandra stiffened, and Varric said, “Sure you can. Look at all the people you’ve already helped. And think of how many rifts we’ve sealed. You don’t even need Solas anymore, so we don’t have to listen to his elven history lessons when we look for them.”

Dani’s smile was small. “I like his history lessons.”

Blackwall said, “None of this will be easy, but we trust you because you’ve already overcome so much. You may think that makes you weak - Maker, sometimes you might even feel weak - but when we look at you, we see hope. You’ve changed your life, and you change the lives of people around you. 

“But we know you’re not invincible. You’re not a fable or a statue. If you don’t think you can work with him, don’t. Either say no or send him to the other end of Haven. No one is going to blame you.”

Dani nodded, and he noticed some strength return to her. But she reached up and lightly touched Varric’s hand. For a moment Blackwall thought perhaps she made a mistake, but he knew she hadn’t when Varric squeezed her hand back and offered her the other. He helped her off the ground.

“He seems understanding,” Dani said. “If he doesn’t understand that there are things I will not talk about, then we’ll send him to the other side of Haven.”

“Perfect,” Cassandra said.

*

Blackwall thought the Iron Bull settled in fine, and Bull respected Dani’s wishes. But he noticed Dani was less likely to just wander down to talk to him. Blackwall sat on the fence, still trying to catch up on the Tale of the Champion. He and Vivienne missed a reading while Varric, Cassandra, Dani, and Sera were camped out in the Hinterlands.

He knew, too, that Vivienne and Dani had ventured off to Val Royeaux. Dani had announced that she was going to see what the mages wanted, but Vivienne talked her into a shopping trip for new equipment and a haircut. 

Neither he nor Vivienne liked each other. While the others seemed to at least respect him, even Solas gave him a sliver of that, Vivienne looked down her nose at him with a smug or condescending smile. And he hated the way Dani admired her. He understood it - she was a powerful mage respected by society, and he knew Dani considered her beautiful, but he feared she would try to change Dani and, instead of succeeding, Dani would feel worse about herself.

So he raised his head as he watched Vivienne and Dani walking back into Haven. Dani wore new armour and carried a new staff, but he frowned as he saw the mask on her face. The masks were common enough in Val Royeaux, hell he’d worn them before himself long ago, but this one covered her face in its entirety. There were no eyeholes, and the mask made it look as if the eyes were shut.

He thinned his lips at Vivienne who pointedly avoided eye contact. Did she put her up to it? As the pair walked past, Blackwall held his tongue. He hardly wanted to start an argument if Dani was feeling happy and confident. He just worried she wasn’t. So he waited.

He found Dani in the small house later in the evening. The sun was beginning to set, but the gaping hole covered Haven in an eerie green glow. He found her sitting on the bed, tracing her fingers over the mask’s face. She looked tired and defeated. Her shoulders were slack and a frown hung on her face.

“I saw you and Vivienne earlier today,” Blackwall said. He noticed some hair was missing from her eyebrows. “Your armour looks good. A bit thicker than the old stuff.”

Dani smiled absently and said, “It’s very nice.”

Blackwall sat down beside her, and he noticed how she shifted just slightly away from him. He was used to her warmth against him, and he tried to ignore the chill he felt now. He asked, “Did everything go all right?”

“It was lovely,” Dani replied. “I enjoyed getting my hair cut and styled. It felt amazing, and the woman complimented my horns - or what was left of them. She recommended a product to polish them and said it would help smooth out some of the dry patches.”

“I hadn’t noticed any dry patches.”

“I can feel them sometimes,” she replied. “It itches, and they don’t itch now. I figure I’ll use the cream whenever they itch and see if it really helps. I’m not worried about how my horns look, but it’d be nice if the itching stopped.”

“So you’re happy overall?” Blackwall asked, holding back his comment that she didn’t look happy.

“Sera laughed at my mask,” she replied. “She thought I’d bought it as a joke, and she laughed harder when I said I hadn’t.”

“Did she say anything else?”

“I left,” Dani replied. “She told me she liked that I wasn’t one of the nobles, but I didn’t know what to say.”

“Did Vivienne pick out the mask?”

“No,” Dani replied. “She bought me,” she paused and then stood up. She traced her hand over a desk and handed Blackwall a piece of cloth before sitting back down next to him. Her arm brushed against his as she continued, “She bought me that.”

Blackwall spread out the cloth and realized the shape would make a good blindfold. The cloth was a deep red with golden flowers embroidered in it. As he traced his fingers across it, he doubted blood would stain it. “It’s very fine.”

“Yes.”

“Did you feel it?” Blackwall asked. “There’re flowers and vines and leaves.”

Dani traced her fingers across the mask again and said nothing. He watched her empty sockets for a moment before gently nudging her with his arm. “Talk to me, Dani. They tell me when you first arrived, you didn’t cover your face at all.”

“I didn’t,” Dani replied. “I was politely told that my eyes made a few people uncomfortable. I don’t mind wearing a blindfold. I don’t even think about it half the time, and it helps keep my hair back.”

“But you don’t like Vivienne’s?”

“I’m sure it’s lovely,” Dani replied. “She has exquisite taste. I just thought,” her voice trailed off for a moment, and Blackwall worried he’d have to pry it out of her. “I’m sorry,” she quickly said. “Do you want me to put the blindfold on?”

“No,” he said. “I’m not trying to suggest that. You wouldn’t even wear a blindfold if I had any say about it.”

She smiled and nudged him. “You’re sweet.”

He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to offer more than a gentle voice and a quick nudge. “Tell me why you bought the mask.”

“It’s a handsome face, isn’t it?” Dani asked, handing Blackwall the mask. “The nose is small. The lips are perfect and slightly smiling - no big teeth. The eyes are closed.”

Blackwall said, “It’s rather boring, isn’t it? It won’t ever change.”

“But it’s beautiful anyway. Paintings never move and they can be beautiful.”

“You’re worried your face doesn’t look like that mask’s?”

“People are starting to recognize me. Josephine and Leliana mentioned that I’m becoming more of a figurehead, and people are already afraid since I’m - you know.”

“So you want a familiar face?”

“I just don’t want them to see a massive Qunari with an extended brow, empty sockets, a big broken nose, and teeth that barely fit inside her mouth. I’m not exactly Andraste material.”

“But you’re not a Qunari.”

“That’s how they see me,” Dani said. “That’s how everyone sees me, except for actual Qunari, and you don’t want to know how they see me.”

Blackwall took a moment to find words of support, and he thought Dani almost shrunk next to him. He set the mask aside and gently touched her face. “People need to see who you are. There’s nothing here to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. All of us love your smile. Your nose is a reminder that you’re a fighter. Your eyes are a reminder that you’re a survivor and you know what it is to experience catastrophic loss.”

She smiled weakly and he cupped her cheeks in his hands. “And you’re beautiful, Dani. I know you think otherwise, but you are.”

She gently pulled his hands away, but she squeezed them. “You’re being an idiot.”

“I’m only telling the truth. If you think that makes me an idiot, so be it.”

He squeezed her hands back. He wanted to embrace her and kiss her. He wanted her to feel how much he cared for her, but he drew his hands away from her. She would only be that much more devastated when she found out about him, and he couldn’t do that to her. “Varric’s probably waiting for us,” Dani said. “Give me the blindfold.”

“Um, no.”

“What?”

He grinned and said, “I don’t think you should wear it.”

Dani hesitated and gently touched his wrist. A heat pulsed through him as her fingers gently traced up the sleeve of his shirt. He wondered how Varric handled her touch. She suddenly lunged forward, gripping the wrist of his other hand, but he tightened his grip on the blindfold. Her smile was more mischievous than vindictive. He leaned away from her, laughing as she tried to pull it out of his grasp.

He moved away from her, leaning back on the bed as he tried to pull his hand away. He kept his fist tight, but her grip on his wrist was just as tight. She placed her other hand firmly on his chest and straddled him to keep him from moving away again. Heat rushed to his cheeks as she tried prying open his hand. His grip weakened as she moved her hips against his. He thanked his tunic for being well-padded and he hoped it covered what would be an erection with a few more minutes of pressure.

She pulled the blindfold out of his grip, but she stayed on top of him as she put her blindfold on. “Are you going to get up?” he asked.

“Are you still here?” she asked with a small smile.

“I’m still here, my lady.”

She smirked as she climbed off of him, and he pulled his tunic down slightly as they went to meet Varric and the others.

*

Varric had noticed something changed as Dani draped her arm across his shoulders. Blackwall sat with Sera, and they shared a bottle of whiskey while they kept their feet propped up with a log. Cassandra politely excused herself from this particular reading, but Vivienne listened quietly. Iron Bull hadn’t joined them, but Varric wasn’t sure anyone invited him. He sure hadn’t.

Dani had thanked Vivienne for the new blindfold and Sera had made a comment under her breath about a mask. Varric wondered what exactly he missed as Dani rested her head on top of his. She smelt like Vivienne. Varric wouldn’t have described it as an improvement.

When Varric stopped for the night, Vivienne excused herself. The four remained exchanging a few jokes and stories. Varric noted that no one seemed eager to leave, but Dani kept her hold on him tight. He thought she may be afraid of being alone with them. He let the conversation extend some, but he finally said, “How about I get you to bed, Dani? If we’re going to try to find the mages, you should get a decent sleep.”

“All right,” she replied with a smile. “Thanks.”

Sera and Blackwall exchanged goodnights, but they stayed by the fire drinking together. Dani released him as they started to walk back to the cabin. He asked, “Everything all right?”

“Just a long day,” she said. “I didn’t want to draw it out any more, and I thought they might.”

“I shouldn’t keep you.”

“Could I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Varric said. 

He followed her into the cabin, and she handed him the mask. “What do you think of it?” she asked.

He shrugged. “They’re really not my thing. Kind of tacky. Why? Did Vivienne want you to wear one of these?”

“No, no. She tried to talk me out of it.”

She started to take off the blindfold, and Varric realized he was being tested. She wanted to know if she repulsed him. He sat down on the bed. He didn’t want her to think he’d try to rush off. He said, “So you picked it out?”

“I guess it was an impulse buy,” she said. “I thought people would like it.”

“But they like you,” Varric said. “Who wants to stare at some mask?” She smiled and sat next to him. He put his arm around her and said, “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

She laughed and coiled her arm around his neck. Her fingers gently brushed against his chest, and he wondered what it exactly was about her touch that made it so appealing. She asked, “How do you do it? I mean, how do you feel with all these elves and humans that look so different from you?”

“What can I say? I have a big personality. It more than makes up for whatever I lack in height.”

She smiled. “You’re useless.”

“You bring me everywhere you go,” he said with a laugh. “You obviously don’t think I’m useless.”

“You’re handy with a lockpick,” she said. “And I’m considering having an affair with Bianca. I see how she looks at me.”

“Bianca is a one dwarf crossbow,” Varric said, trying not to make a joke about being good with his fingers.

“Good thing I’m not a dwarf,” she replied with a grin.

“Was this what you wanted to talk about?” Varric asked. “I don’t know what to tell you about humans and elves. You can’t be like Solas and generalize an entire race. Becoming more human or more like an elf is going to only continue to emphasize your differences. You just gotta be yourself and if they don’t like you, fuck ‘em.”

Dani’s smile turned thoughtful, and Varric gave her a squeeze. She said, “All right, thanks.”

“Are Blackwall and Sera giving you trouble?”

“No,” Dani said. “Sera doesn’t seem to go beyond flirtation, at least for now, but she’s too,” her voice trailed off as she considered her words. “I feel very inexperienced with her, and I worry about making a fool of myself in, um, that way.”

Varric chuckled. “Is that all? You can start slow, you know.”

“Yes, but I’m not sure she would. And she really hates magic. I’ve spent enough time hating myself. I don’t know if I could be with someone that made me feel – well, like something wrong, something to be afraid of. Anyway, she hasn’t said anything so I don’t really need to think about it.”

“And Blackwall?”

“I thought he would be more forward, but I’m beginning to think he’s all talk.”

“Really?” Varric asked. “Are you sure?”

“No,” she smiled weakly. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We should focus on the mages.”

“I guess.”

“You’re coming with me, right? Or do you want to be useless for the day?”

“No, I’ll be there,” Varric said.

“Good,” Dani said. “So you should get a good sleep too.”

Varric stood up and said, “Yeah, I guess I should. Have a good sleep, Dani.”

“You too.”

He hesitated in the doorway and said, “You know you can be honest with me, right? I know better than most that heroes and champions are still just people.”

Dani smiled and said, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

*

Dani sought out Varric first thing in the morning. Her thoughts whirled as she considered what he’d spoken about the night before. She remembered playfully wrestling with Blackwall and how he felt underneath her. But he always pulled away from her. She knew he was committed to the Inquisition and to her in a professional sense. He made it clear he liked her, but if she tried to press further, he withdrew.

Part of her thought there was something wrong with her. Was she not pretty enough? Did she come with too much emotional baggage? But Blackwall claimed it wasn’t any of those things.

While she had taken to enjoy romance, she never thought it would actually happen for her. Her companion’s flirtations with her gave her a sliver of hope. She liked Blackwall a lot. His soft, patient voice. The sound of his armour always near her. The feel of his hair between her fingers. His constant, warm presence. He often didn’t need to speak for her to feel him nearby. And she never felt like she needed to fill the silence between them. Most of the time, she felt completely at home with him, and she had never really felt at home anywhere before.

But he pulled away.

She had a fantasy where both Cassandra and Blackwall would request a relationship with her and were content to be with her together. She felt impossibly safe with both of them, and while Blackwall’s presence was quiet and calm, Cassandra carried a quiet ferocity that Dani admired. It aroused her too - the thought of Cassandra sharply telling her she needed her. To be between both of her strong protectors - the thought of it warmed her in a way she’d never felt before.

Cassandra never gave her the impression she’d be romantically interested in her, let alone interested in adding a third to the party.

Sera was the opposite. Extremely frank. And Sera described Hawke and Isabela’s sex scene with enough detail to make her nervous. Sera knew what to touch and where to put pressure and what to say, and Dani would be completely lost and unable to reciprocate. Sera didn’t strike her as someone who would patiently walk her through what needed to be done.

Whereas she thought both Blackwall and Cassandra would. Vivienne too. Vivienne was almost too much for Dani. Vivienne flirted back and complimented her and showered her with affection, but Dani felt like a demon next to her. She was beautiful and confident and, as far as Dani was concerned, completely perfect. Dani and her discussed that their flirtations were just flirtations, laughing that they mutually agreed their relationship would press no further, as fun as they both thought it would be.

She liked the clarity with Vivienne. She liked that she could touch and be touched without any concerns or fear. Cassandra had that same sort of clarity, but she still had a hard time keeping her fantasies in check. It was hard when Cassandra would yell on the battlefield or block a blow meant for Dani with her shield. Vivienne may block a blow with ice and then grasp her affectionately, and Dani received all that she needed.

Her flirtations with Josephine seemed to go over the woman’s head. Josephine was happy to touch and appease her, but always thought Dani meant someone else. Dani knew, too, that Blackwall had a small crush on Josephine, so, when her flirtations were ignored, she decided to simply give her space. She liked Josephine a lot, but if Blackwall hesitated with her, maybe he wouldn’t with Josephine.

She knew Josephine was prettier and just as kind. Perhaps she was better suited for the Warden.

Cullen had politely told her that he wasn’t interested when she mentioned she wouldn’t mind some private lessons to learn how to handle his sword, but Dani noticed how flustered he grew whenever she flirted with him. His grip on his sword would slip or his voice would crack. She loved it, and that was more satisfying than any relationship she could imagine. So she increased her flirtations with him and tried to make them as explicit as possible.

Leliana was distant and cold. Dani gave her a lot of space.

Solas’ interest in her seemed limited to her anchor, but she liked that he listened - really listened - when she spoke. She asked him a lot of questions in the beginning, curious about the sort of mage he was and about the fade. She had an absent fantasy about watching over his body whenever he went to walk in the fade. But it faded when she realized, quite early, that it would go not get that far. She wasn’t certain he even wanted to be friends, but she cautiously left that door open.

Bull frightened her. His polite “Hey Boss” got only a nod. She didn’t know if she had met him before or not, but knowing what he was, she was afraid he’d drag her back by her horns when this was all over. She thought she could feel him watching her.

She sat outside the cabin Varric slept in, and she playfully grabbed him when she heard his door open. “An ambush!” he yelled.

She squeezed him, feeling his skin against her face. He hadn’t managed to put on his tunic yet, and she pressed her face between his shoulder blades. “Bianca, baby, save me,” he said.

Dani gasped. “Bianca would never hurt me.”

She set Varric down as he said, “Well she wouldn’t conspire against me with you.”

She laughed and sat back down, listening to Varric get suited up for the mission. 

Dani found him difficult to read, and it was growing into a problem. She flirted and he flirted back. She touched and he touched back. His tall voice could make her mouth dry, and she doubted he hadn’t noticed. She liked how he felt in her arms, whether he squirmed, pushed back, or relaxed. He was honest and open with her, hardly afraid to tell her of when she’d said or done something stupid.

And she didn’t think her inexperience would push him away either, though she was still nervous about how he would react to it.

Sometimes she thought she wore down whatever walls he put up and other times she’d feel them firmly between them. Like Blackwall, she couldn’t figure out if Varric actually wanted something more. Varric also seemed to push her and Blackwall together, constantly pointing out when Blackwall would do something nice to her, or when he caught her staring at her, but he seemed equally jealous of their friendship. He’d tell them off if they giggled together while he read.

Varric seemed the most realistic to pursue. She knew he was too good for her, but he was consistent enough that she thought he’d lower his standards for her. Blackwall actively told her how much he cared for her while also taking steps away from her. Varric was slightly less affectionate, but he didn’t back away. He just told her if she got too close.

Varric said, “Are you ready to go?”

“Do you remember when we first came here how you told me to run?” Dani asked. “You told me you couldn’t see this ending well.”

“Yes, I remember. It’s advice I give often, if you can believe it.”

She asked, “If I wanted to leave, would you come with me?”

“Do you want to leave?” Varric asked, softening. He put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. He said, “You can tell me if you’re scared.”

“Oh, I’m definitely scared,” she said with a laugh. “But what would you do?”

Blackwall had said he’d follow her anywhere, but she doubted he would if she ran away from this particular cause that drew him to her in the first place. Varric hesitated as he let his hand linger on her. “I have to see this through,” he softly said. “And I can’t imagine you’d ever actually leave these people.”

“I couldn’t,” she said, placing her hand on top of his. “I wouldn’t ever leave. I just - I wanted to know where you stood, I guess.”

He pulled his hand away. “Well, if you want to do this, we better find Blackwall and Cassandra.”

Dani smiled weakly. “You’re right,” she said.

At least now she knew where he stood.

*

Dani nervously walked through Redcliff Castle while Dorian cursed under his breath. “There’s red lyrium everywhere,” he said.

“Describe everywhere.”

Her skin crawled. She could feel its energy - the way it whispered, but when Dorian said everywhere, she couldn’t fathom it. He said, “It’s growing out of the walls. Dani, it’s blocking some of the doorways and our paths.” He lightly touched her arm and she touched his to keep herself steady. He said, “Everything is uneven. The lyrium has broken up the ground, so I thought-”

“I appreciate it,” she said, squeezing his arm.

It was odd to travel with a near-stranger, but he’d already proven himself more than capable. Maybe he was just saving his own skin, but Dani appreciated still being alive. They’d talked to one man Dani recognized, but he gave no sign of recognizing her. They still had no idea how far into the future they were. They carefully searched through rooms until Dani heard a familiar humming.

“Varric,” she said.

She released Dorian to chase after the voice. She shouted, “Varric?”

“Dani?” he asked. “I’m here.”

She reached out for him and felt prison bars. She could feel that energy twisting off of him. Dorian said, “Maker’s Breath, it’s growing inside of him.”

“Are you all right?” Dani asked, gripping his shoulders through the bars.

“I don’t really know,” Varric said. “I thought I was dead. I thought you were dead.”

Dorian opened the cell door, and Dani dropped to her knees as she cupped his cheeks in her hands. The thought of him living here with this hateful substance growing inside of him made her sick. He cupped hers in response and rubbed his thumbs against her high cheekbones. “Maker, it’s really you,” he softly said.

Dorian explained the situation, and Varric filled them in on what information he could give before saying, “Dani, give me one of those hugs I hate. I need one.”

Dani swept him up into her arms and lifted him as she squeezed him. Wrapping his arms around her neck, he hugged her back just as tightly. She hadn’t expected it. Normally he would try to squirm away from her. His nose buried into her neck and he breathed her in. She couldn’t have imagined going this long without seeing any of her inner circle. She had no idea what he was feeling.

She set him back down and he insisted on joining them. Dani lightly touched Dorian’s arm again as they continued to walk. Dorian tried to make small talk, but Varric kept his answers short. It seemed unlike him, but Dani could hardly blame him. She barely felt like talking now in this place.

They walked in another line of cells, and Dani heard her name softly called from one of the cells. “Is it really you?” Blackwall asked. 

“Yes, I’m here.”

Dani approached the cell and Blackwall reached through the bars. His hands touched her face, cupping her cheeks and running his thumb along her lower lip. The energy spilled off of him too. He said, “Maker knows I’ve imagined it before.”

“Let’s get him out of there,” Varric said, 

Dani pulled his hands away, and when the cell door opened, he embraced her tightly. He rested his head on her chest and she squeezed him. She reminded herself how much time had passed for them and tried not to imagine the horrors they faced just because she brought them along. She gently stroked his hair, and his grip on her loosened some. He pulled away and asked about the situation, and as Dorian explained it, Blackwall slipped his hand in with Dani’s.

“My blade is yours,” Blackwall said, and she heard the smile in his voice as he said, “As it always is.”

“We better keep looking for Leliana,” Dorian said.

“I need a moment,” Blackwall said. “Just one moment.” He didn’t wait for any acknowledgment before he took Dani’s hands in his own. He continued, “You’ll leave me here, and that’s fine, but I need you to tell me something when you get back.”

“We should be careful,” Dorian said.

Blackwall ignored him and said, “Just tell me not to hesitate. Tell me not to hold back. I’ve thought of nothing but - I should have told you everything, I should have told you to call me Thom, asked you-”

“Just ask her if you can kiss her already so we can move on,” Varric said.

“May I?” Blackwall asked.

Heat rushed to her cheeks, but she nodded. She leaned over as he raised himself up, cupping her cheek with one hand. She wasn’t sure what to do with hers as he nuzzled her before gently brushing his lips against her own. Her stomach turned in fear and excitement. She draped her arms across his shoulders as he kissed her deeper, and she kissed back. He gently drew away, but not before she felt the smile on his lips.

It was her first kiss.

*

“Blackwall, there’s something I was hoping to discuss with you about when Dorian and I travelled forward in time.”

Dani had just finished talking with Cullen, Josephine, Leliana, Cassandra, and Dorian. She didn’t expect downtime any soon, but she wanted to deliver the message as best as she could. She could still feel Blackwall’s lips on hers - his moustache on her upper lip. He sharply said, “I’ve already heard all about it from Dorian. Maker, I didn’t want to hear that.”

Anxiety bubbled in her stomach. “What did Dorian say?”

“We had red lyrium growing inside of us. That we reeked of it. That we thought we were dead. That we died - again, maybe - protecting you.” Blackwall softened some as he continued, “I don’t mind that part. I’d die protecting you again.”

“I wouldn’t want you to-”

“Was there something else?” Blackwall asked. “We’re going to stop that future from happening so I really don’t need to think about it.”

“You told me something.”

“Should I really hear this?” Blackwall asked. “Or because that timeline will never come to fruition, it doesn’t matter if I hear it?”

“You just told me to tell you not to hesitate and not to hold back.”

Blackwall hesitated. “In regards to what?”

“I think he assumed you would know,” Dani said.

She wanted to tell him about the kiss, but she feared he would doubt it - a manipulation to romance her. She feared more that the Blackwall she met actually had lost his sanity, and that was the only way he’d ever care for her. She wasn’t sure she could bear to hear that he wasn’t interested.

“I’ll consider what he said - or what I said.”

“Wait, there was something else,” Dani said. “You said you should have asked me to call you Thom. Does that make any sense? Is that your first name? Do you prefer it?”

Blackwall sharply said, “No.”

She was surprised he was on edge, but she supposed she shouldn’t have been. He’d heard of what would have happened to him had Dorian hadn’t been there - had she really died. She offered him a nod and said, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“I’ll speak with you later.”

She walked away from Blackwall and headed past the armory. She heard, “Hey, boss, thanks for not giving me a glimpse of a grim future. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime, Bull,” Dani replied.

“I get to imagine the Chargers were still fighting.”

“Of course you’d be,” Dani said and started to walk up the steps.

“Dani,” Varric said next to her on the stairs. “So what was I like in the future?”

“You were being eaten alive by a substance you despise,” Dani said. “You thought you were already dead.”

“So grim, huh?”

“Yeah, grim,” Dani said. “But you know what you asked me for?”

“A stiff drink?”

Dani quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him up into her arms. “I did not!” Varric shouted. “Put me down!”

Dani blew a raspberry against his neck and squeezed him, and he surrendered. She set him back down on the ground near the fire, and he said, “Maker, I really did ask you for one, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re right. I would miss living in fear that you’d pick me up and slobber all over me.”

“Well, we don’t have a mabari so someone has to,” Dani said. She softened some and took a seat at the fire before she said, “I’m sorry I brought you.”

“Don’t be.”

“I know you hate the stuff. I know you feel guilty for finding it in the first place. But I shouldn’t be putting you in a place where your fate is to be consumed by it.”

“Why do I feel like you didn’t tell Blackwall the same thing?” Varric said. “Listen Dani. That will be my fate - everyone’s fate - if we become afraid or passive. I know it was probably hard to see me - to see us - like that, but don’t let it make you hesitate to use us. We’re here because we want to pull our weight.”

Dani smiled, and Varric lightly put his arm around her back. He continued, “And that future isn’t going to happen if any of us have a thing or two to say about it.”


	3. Chapter 3

Varric stood in the snow as Blackwall screamed, “Maker’s balls, help me!”

The Warden dug through the snow where they saw Dani fall. Varric couldn’t think. It was as if someone sucked his spirit from his body and he watched it from a distance. He saw what was happening, sure, but he couldn’t process it.

Dani fell.

Vivienne said, “We have to go, Blackwall. We knew there was a chance that this would happen to any of us, but we can’t stay here. There’s still Corypheus and the archdemon here.”

“We’ll slit their throats,” Blackwall snarled. “Help me!”

Vivienne hesitated and looked towards where they saw the flare. Then she turned back to Blackwall and said, “Sod it.”

She knelt down beside Blackwall and started digging through the snow. Some of Vivienne’s words sunk into Varric. There was an archdemon under all that snow. If Dani was still alive and they left her-

A heavy hand squeezed his shoulder and the terse voice snapped him out of it. “What are you doing?” Cassandra asked.

“Dani’s in here,” Blackwall said. “I’m not leaving without her.”

Vivienne stopped. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check for survivors. We thought it might be foolish to check, but I couldn’t go without knowing-”

Blackwall sharply said, “She might still be alive.”

Vivienne thinned her lips. She stood up, no longer allowing for Blackwall’s anxiety to shake her up. Brushing snow off of her robes, she said, “We thought there would be no harm in checking for her.”

“We need to go immediately,” Cassandra said.

“We can’t leave Dani behind,” Blackwall said, but his voice was softer.

Varric frowned as he realized he was beginning to give up. He felt sick. He’d seen a lot of horrible things with Hawke - her mother murdered, his own brother’s madness - but he felt as if someone took out a vital part of him. He’d felt it when Anders healed his brother and he realized he wasn’t sure he wanted his brother to be alive anymore.

“She would not want you to risk your life - and the lives on her companions - to see if she was dead or not. We will make sure she can find us if she’s still alive. She fell, correct? She’s buried under all this snow. There is an archdemon trying to claw its way out right now. Each moment we linger-”

“Just leave me,” Blackwall said. “Leave me here.”

Cassandra said, “No.”

Vivienne gave her a look that said, “Why not?” but held her tongue. Varric said, “Dani won’t want us to leave you behind. She’ll want you to live and-”

He said, “Avenge her.”

Varric said, “Make things right.”

He looked at Varric and softened. Standing up, he nodded and started walking. Cassandra pointed in the direction, and he kept walking. Varric pushed his legs through the snow, and he finally felt the snow biting into his face. He wished he’d dressed warmer and hugged himself. As his feet sunk in the snow, he wished for one more ride on Dani’s shoulders. Maybe he could have blocked the snow from her face.

Vivienne asked Cassandra about the evacuations and Blackwall slowed his pace so he could walk next to Varric. Varric wished he wouldn’t. Blackwall said, “To think she came back in time for this.”

Varric said, “At least we don’t have red lyrium growing inside of us.”

Blackwall said, “Not yet, anyway.”

He said nothing further and Varric hardly prompted for any. He focussed on staying balanced in the snow. He doubted it was the cold that began the numbness growing inside of him.

*

A scout saw her first. There were whispers through the camp. Cassandra, Cullen, Vivienne, and Bull went out to see. Blackwall was afraid it was a fluke. He was afraid he’d go out into the snow with them only to find nothing at all. He didn’t want to chase anymore ghosts. He started hard into the fire, knitting his fingers together.

He remembered what he told himself. He should have kissed her as soon as she told him.

He’d lost Blackwall and now he lost her. At least he’d found some happiness with Blackwall, however fleeting. He didn’t hold back with him, and perhaps he shouldn’t have with Dani.

Sera, Varric, Dorian, and Blackwall sat around the fire. He wasn’t sure where Solas was, but he could see Josephine and Leliana discussing something together. Sera said, “Doubt she’ll want to see Bull’s face.”

Dorian replied, “He’s probably the best suited to carrying her back to camp.”

Blackwall smoothed out his beard and stared hard at the fire. Sera nudged him with her elbow and offered him a smile. He gave her one back. Varric stood up, and Blackwall turned to follow where he looked. Sure enough, Bull carried Dani and set her down on a bedroll next to Mother Giselle. Cassandra approached the group and said, “It looks like she’s fine and we will have a healer with her to help her recover from her minor injuries. She’s come a long way and is having a hard time staying conscious, so we will let her sleep.”

“Thank you for letting us know,” Dorian said.

Blackwall stared hard into the fire as Dorian and Sera guessed how far she’d walked. Blackwall decided then he’d have to refuse Dani. For her to come all this way - he wasn’t worthy of a woman like that. How could he make a woman like that happy? All he’d ever done was run away, and here she was trudging through the bitter cold to fight again in the thick of it.

He wanted her. He wanted to kiss and caress her. He wanted to make her happy, but he knew she wouldn’t be, couldn’t be, with a man like him. Why make her suffer? Being with him would be like that walk through the snow, except she’d never reach a safe point. She’d always be looking for the man she believed him to be, and she’d never find him.

Varric snapped him out of his thoughts by saying, “I thought you’d be happier to see her.”

“It hasn’t settled in yet,” Blackwall said. “It doesn’t feel real, but it will.”

*

Blackwall had turned her down. He seemed upset about it which, quite frankly, pissed her off. She stood at the war table with all the advisors looking to her. Now that she was in charge of all this nonsense, Blackwall thought he was a distraction. She was angry he kissed her in the future. She was angry he was so supportive and kind. She hadn’t seen his face as he walked away from her, but he sounded hurt. He tried to hide it, he tried to keep his voice steady, but she heard it.

As Cullen and Leliana argued over who was better equipped to handle a certain task, Dani wondered why Blackwall would hold back just because she had a stupid title. Shouldn’t he want to stand behind her and support her? How would romance change that?

“Josephine,” Dani said. “Help me.”

“I think this task may require the Leliana’s subtleties,” she replied. “Force will get the job done, but there may be some push back.”

“All right,” she said. “Leliana then. Josephine, give Cullen something to do.”

She walked away from the war table with a raging headache. She missed Cassandra standing beside her. Cassandra was mad because Varric had Hawke hidden somewhere in the keep, and Varric seemed nervous - though not about Cassandra. Dani also was tasked with decorating the god damn place. Like it mattered to her. She’d told Vivienne to do whatever she wanted.

She stood in the hallway and tried to decide where to go, but Mother Giselle delivered a letter to her in the process. Something about keeping secrets from Dorian. Yeah right. She took the letter and thanked her. Looked like the Maker wanted her to talk to Dorian.

She walked up and found him in the library. Dorian said, “We really should put in a requisition for more books. Though considering where we came from, I’m surprised we have so many. Did this many people bring books with them when they fled Haven? There are several copies of Varric’s one book. Hard in Hightown. Sounds like smut to me.”

“So are you going to read it?” Dani asked with a smile.

“Definitely,” Dorian said. “But I won’t give him the satisfaction of telling him, and I will be extremely disappointed if no one sports an erection.”

“It would be false advertising, really.”

Dorian chuckled and then lightly touched her arm. “I suppose you’re here for something.”

“Yes, Mother Giselle wanted me to keep this a secret,” she said handing him a letter, “but I hardly know you well enough to trick you into seeing your family. I don’t even have any fire resistant armour to defend myself against you.”

Dorian didn’t reply immediately as he read over the letter. She leaned against a bookcase and breathed in the smell. It was always comforting, even though she couldn’t read. They discussed what to do, and Dani encouraged him to see his father and assured him she’d be there if he needed support.

He folded the letter and placed it into his pocket. He said, “Thank you for not assuming you immediately knew what was best for me.”

“I don’t know anything about family and I know even less about Tevinter bloodlines. I’m not going to trick you into confronting something vicious from your past,” Dani said.

“Vicious is right,” Dorian said. “I’m surprised he even bothered to track me down here. He’ll love you though.”

“And by love, you mean be disgusted.”

“I’m going to call you ‘boss’ the entire time,” Dorian said. “He’ll just hate the idea of me getting orders from a Qunari - I mean, a Tal-Vashoth. It’s too bad you’re a mage or else he’d disapprove more.”

“We could bring the Iron Bull,” Dani replied. “Then we’d have a Qunari spy warrior too.”

“Oh please,” Dorian said. “Please invite Bull.”

Dani laughed. “If you want him to know your business-”

“Have you heard this place? Everyone gossips. Even if it’s just you and me, someone will hear about it,” Dorian said. “And you wouldn’t believe what I heard.”

“What did you hear?”

“I heard a certain burly Grey Warden turned down a beautiful Inquisitor,” Dorian said. “What an ass. And after kissing you, no less.”

Dani laughed weakly. “He didn’t know he kissed me.”

“Even so,” Dorian said. “Why do you suppose he’d hold back? He’s very clearly infatuated with you, and he’s not intimidated by you being his superior.”

“I honestly have no idea,” Dani replied with a sigh.

“Do you suppose there’s someone else?” Dorian asked.

Dani shrugged. “If there is, I wouldn’t know who.”

“Not Sera?”

“I like Sera a lot,” Dani said, her voice trailing off.

“But?”

“I don’t think I could, um, satisfy her,” Dani said. “You know?”

“But she does make you Hard in Hightown.”

Dani laughed. “Yes, but I don’t know how to navigate Hightown - or any town, really.”

“Well, that’s easily solved,” Dorian replied, “but I understand why Sera would intimidate you.”

“And her opinion of mages and other elves – it just makes me very uncomfortable. I’m not sure I could be in a relationship that already feels like an uphill battle.”

“Now that I understand,” Dorian replied. “But she may surprise you. Is Blackwall aware of your attraction to Sera?”

“I have heard that Sera and Blackwall openly discuss their mutual attraction to me,” Dani replied. “Their tongues always loosen with drink.”

“Perhaps that’s the obvious solution,” Dorian replied. “I will drink with Blackwall and find the answer for you - as a thank you for helping me.”

“I really don’t need thanks,” Dani replied. “I’m doing it because I’m your friend.”

“Yes, I suppose once you travel in time with someone and make it back alive, friendship sort of just happens,” Dorian said. “Even so, I want to know what Blackwall is thinking by turning you down. He must be mad.”

Dani smiled. “But if it’s something I don’t want to know-”

“You won’t hear a word of it,” Dorian said. “Although if he says something particularly cruel, he may go missing completely.”

“I’m flattered you’d kill for me.”

“I’ve killed for you before,” Dorian said, shrugging. “I’ll head down to the tavern now. I suppose you have some mission to go on.”

Dani let out an aggravated sigh. “Yes I do.”

*

Dorian noted that Blackwall and Sera seemed a little uncomfortable with his presence as he joined them at the table, but not so uncomfortable as to tell him to fuck off. Sera gave him a look that might have blatantly said it, but he’d wait for the invitation. Iron Bull watched them absently from his chair at the head of the tavern, and Dorian noted that while Bull had been in the party longer, most of them kept their distance from him.

He assumed out of respect for Dani.

Dorian bought them a few drinks to soften them up and made some polite conversation while accepting some insults with open arms. They eventually moved to the second level after Sera complained about feeling the bard’s eyes crawling on her. Once on the upper level, they were less reserved in their conversation.

“Who’s Dani out with?” Sera asked.

“I think Varric, Cassandra, and that new boy. The odd one.”

Sera scoffed. “The spooky one.”

“Wait, she might have taken Vivienne,” Blackwall said.

“Her royal highness,” Sera said with a scoff.

“No wait,” Blackwall said, raising his hand with his eyes slightly glazed. “I think she brought the spooky one, Vivienne, and Cassandra. Varric might still be here.”

“But he always has his head up Dani’s ass.”

“His friend is here,” Blackwall said. “Maybe he’s spending time with her.”

“Too proud for this place I guess,” Sera said.

“Cole,” Dorian said. “That’s the spooky one’s name.”

Sera and Blackwall looked at him like they’d forgotten he was there. Blackwall said, “Thanks. Couldn’t remember it.”

Sera nudged Blackwall. “Are you going to take home a barmaid?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Still hoping Dani’ll give you the time of day?”

When Blackwall didn’t respond, Sera rolled her eyes and took a swig of her drink. Dorian didn’t say anything, hoping one of them would say something further. He didn’t dare ask and remind them that he was there. Blackwall suddenly sobered up and looked Dorian dead in the eye. A chill went through Dorian, and he wondered what he’d done to receive such a look.

“You’re sniffing around her,” Blackwall said.

Ah, yes. That’s why. Dorian said, “When you travel in time with someone, you grow close quickly. I assure you my interest in her is in no way romantic.”

“Sexual then?” Sera asked.

“No,” Dorian said. “We’re working on cementing our friendship.”

The two stared at him like he’d said nothing but gibberish. He wondered why Dani was attracted to either of them and if she thought she had to lower her expectations to get anyone. He’d seen Josephine give her a few extra glances. He could encourage something there. She was a much better match.

He wondered why Blackwall didn’t admit to Sera that he turned her down. She said, “Gonna piss,” and left the table.

Blackwall watched Dorian and took another drink. He leaned back in his chair and said, “She told you.”

“No, I heard a rumour and she confirmed it when I asked,” Dorian said.

“A rumour?”

“I suspect your friend will hear about it by the time she gets back,” Dorian said.

“Why are you here?” Blackwall asked.

“I believe the Inquisition-”

“I mean drinking with us,” Blackwall said. “Aren’t you lowering your standards by gracing us with your presence?”

“I just wanted to see what Dani saw in you,” Dorian said. “I can’t understand why she would waste any heartache on someone like you.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“I understand that she’s infatuated with the Grey Wardens,” Dorian replied. “Perhaps she sees you through rose-coloured glasses.”

“Perhaps.”

“You know that message you had from her in the future-”

“I don’t care to discuss that-”

“You kissed her,” Dorian said. “You blathered on about holding back and then you kissed her. You were telling yourself not to do this - not to stay away from her.”

Blackwall smiled absently. He took another drink.

Dorian asked, “Are you reconsidering?”

“No,” Blackwall said. “Just glad I got to kiss her in any timeline.”

“You could kiss her in this one.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Are you so thick that I need to spell it out for you?” Dorian asked.

Blackwall coldly replied, “You should go. You don’t know anything about me.”

Sera returned, and Blackwall winced as she punched him hard in the shoulder. “Turned her down?” she snapped. “Didn’t even tell me?”

Blackwall flinched and said to Dorian, “Don’t you have somewhere better to be?”

“Nowhere more entertaining,” Dorian replied with a smile.

“Fuck off,” Sera said. “Personal.”

Dorian stood up and walked away from the table. As he walked down the stairs, he felt the Qunari’s eyes on him. He turned to look at Bull, and Bull’s eyes slowly crept across him in a way he liked. A smile hung in the corner of the Qunari’s lip, and Dorian absently appreciated his smile. He was more focussed on his broad shoulders and thick arms. Still, he turned up his nose and walked out of the tavern. Well, at least he learned one thing from the tavern.

*

Blackwall breathed in the air on the hill at the Storm Coast. He was going to tell Dani everything. He told himself to tell her. If Dani didn’t want him, that was fine, but at least he wouldn’t be lying to her. At least she wouldn’t find out from someone else. He turned around to face her, but she frowned as she picked something off the ground. They spoke quietly as she handed him Blackwall’s medal.

His heart sank as he stared at the medal.

He could have had a piece of him all this time. He remembered fleeing the scene after watching him die. He remembered hating himself for it. All the regret and hate swept back into him. He was such a complete fuck-up. He still remembered how he felt in Blackwall’s arms. Safe. Worthwhile. He still wasn’t sure what Blackwall saw in him, and he doubted whatever it was still lingered inside him.

He couldn’t tell her. She loved the Wardens. She respected him. He deserved nothing less than the hangman’s noose.

She continued to flirt with him. He explained their different lifestyles. He lived in isolation. He hunted down darkspawn. Filthy. Scavenging the countryside. He tried to tell her they weren’t well suited for each other.

“Or that all means we’re perfect for each other,” Dani said. “What are we doing right now? This is what I like to do. When this is over, if I’m no longer the Inquisitor, I could still join the Grey Wardens.”

Blackwall laughed. “You tease.”

Dani grabbed his wrist as he tried to walk away. “I’m not teasing you,” Dani said. “I like you - I want this to work.”

Blackwall noticed Varric and Dorian some ways away from them. They looked away as they saw him. Blackwall knew she didn’t bring Sera because she was worried it would hurt her, but Blackwall still wished she was there. It felt like she brought back up suitors.

“It won’t,” he said, sharply.

“But you admit to being interested-”

“I was just trying to make you feel better about yourself.”

“I know that’s not true,” Dani said, tightening her grip. “You’ve always tried to support me and you’ve never used your feelings for me as a reason for that. You’re cutting me out and I want to know why.”

Blackwall frowned and pulled his hand away from hers. By the look on her face, he might as well have stabbed her. He wanted to take it all back. He wanted to hold her and touch her. But he felt Blackwall’s heavy medal in his hand. It was on the tip of his tongue. He needed to tell her.

“I just can’t, Dani. You’re too important.”

“Because I’m the Inquisitor?”

“No, to me. You’re too important to me,” he said. “Please just - I can’t lose you. I think our friendship is more important.”

Dani scowled. “Half of Skyhold wants to be my friend.”

“Half of them think Andraste speaks to you!” Blackwall said. “You’re like a god to them, Dani. I can’t do this.”

“I thought being the Inquisitor wasn’t the reason-”

“Please Dani,” Blackwall said. “Please don’t push.”

She softened. She waited a moment and then said, “You really won’t tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“Then I won’t push,” she said, “but I need some space - just for a little while.”

“Whatever you need.”

She smiled, and when he gently touched her hand, she pulled it away. She started walking away, and Dorian hurried to catch up with her. Blackwall looked at the badge for a moment, and then looked up to see Varric waiting. “I’ll catch up,” Blackwall said.

“I just thought-”

“This isn’t a story for you, dwarf,” Blackwall said. “Walk away.”

When Varric started to walk away, Blackwall asked, “Will she go to Dorian now?”

Varric laughed. “No.”

Blackwall knew they had gone on some quest together, but he hadn’t yet heard the outcome. He watched as Dani kneeled on the ground and Dorian climbed onto her shoulders. “He’s too big,” Varric shouted.

“He’s fine,” Dani shouted back.

“You’re too close to the cliff edge,” Varric said.

“We’re not too close,” Dorian shouted. He paused and then said, “Dani, move a little to your left please.”

*

As Varric approached Cassandra, she said, “I’m not talking to you, dwarf.”

Varric scoffed. “Is this still about Hawke?”

“You made a fool of me,” she said, sharply. “Keep walking.”

“You’re in a corner,” Varric said. “There’s no where I can walk.”

“Turn around then.”

“I want to talk about Dani,” Varric said.

“I heard about her and Blackwall. I thought he was a good match for her. He understood what it meant to have a purpose. He understood the importance of a promise. He understood selflessness and-”

“I think selflessness might have gotten him into trouble,” Varric said. “He refuses to be with her. She’s upset.”

“I’m not exactly the comforting type,” Cassandra said.

“That’s not-”

“What do you want?”

“I guess I just wanted your opinion. Why he’d turn her down?”

“Because he’s a fool,” Cassandra said. “He thinks her promise to the Inquisition and his promise to the Grey Wardens is stronger than any promise they could make to each other.”

“Do you think that?”

“I think they would be stronger together,” Cassandra said. “Blackwall encourages and supports her. He was living alone in the woods when we found him, and now he’s a vital part of our team. I am not saying they are weak as friends.” She gave Varric a hard look as she said, “I know how strong certain friendships can be.”

Varric shifted on his feet. Hawke.

Cassandra faced the dummy again. “But I highly doubt a romance would make them weak.”

“Would you say something to Blackwall?” Varric asked.

“No. It’s not my business,” she said. “I respect his decision and why he made it, even if I don’t agree with it. Why are you so eager to get them together? Because you think he’d make a good character in a story? I assume you’re recording everything you can about this situation.”

“I’m not trying to force anything; I’ve just observed the same things you have. I’ve seen Hawke fall apart when her mother was murdered, but she had-”

“An apostate possessed by a demon.”

Varric sharply said, “She had her friends.”

“We aren’t talking about a Ferelden refugee,” Cassandra said. “We’re talking about a tortured Saarebas who broke free from the Qunari and lived blind with the Tal-Vashoth before trying to find answers within the chantry. We’re talking about a woman who walked, injured through a blizzard to find us. We’re talking about a woman who very well may be touched by Andraste herself.”

“So she doesn’t need anyone?”

“No, I didn’t say that,” Cassandra said, “but I don’t think Blackwall will make or break her. If we all turn our backs on her, yes, it would be a difficult path for her, but if one person says that they cannot have a romantic relationship with her, I don’t think her world will end. She is not that weak.”

Varric considered the differences between Hawke and Dani. Hawke was always cocky and fun despite the body count of loved ones in the past. She had strong opinions on what was right and wrong and stuck to those beliefs. She had a long string of sexual partners, some overlapping with her romantic bond with Anders. He couldn’t imagine much really shaking her.

But he’d seen Dani shaken. He’d seen her determination to save every townsperson before saving herself. She was as scared of romance as she was interested in it, so she preferred it on paper. She was confident, but only to a point, and it was as fragile as the old bottles of wine they found on the countryside. 

Both she and Hawke were fighters, Varric couldn’t deny that, but Dani started fighting because she was pushed to it to protect herself. Hawke had always trained. She’d fought in the army. She’d fought to protect her sister. Dani had always been alone, and he saw the loneliness in her. Her desperation to keep people around her, to touch them, to know she wasn’t alone in the darkness.

“Is there something else?” Cassandra asked.

“Have you talked to her?” Varric asked.

Cassandra said, “No, I did not think it was my place to pry into her personal life.”

“She respects you,” Varric said. “And you understand Blackwall’s responsibilities. She might need your voice to help her through this.”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise. “She was just turned down; she did not get stabbed in the gut. I’ve seen her take worse hits. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Varric folded his arms across his chest.

Cassandra sharply said, “She does not need to be babied.”

Varric raised his hands defensively. “All right. I’ll leave you alone.”

He backed away as Cassandra started to swing again, and he headed towards the tavern. He knew it bothered Dani that Blackwall turned her down, but he didn’t know what he could do about it. It pissed him off, too, that Blackwall held back. Dani had taken enough hits for him to know she could hold her own, but he felt better knowing Blackwall’s shield kept her covered. He always kept his eye on her in a way the others didn’t - not even himself.

Hawke had protected him and her friends in that way. When she saw one of them getting hit, she’d be ready to draw attention away. Maybe he expected too much from this group. Hawke and he fought together for years.

He ordered a drink in the tavern and took a seat facing the bard. Leliana’s archery contest notice still hung untouched, and he liked it. It implied he and Bianca were already better than anyone else. That was better than winning, as far as he was concerned.

The Iron Bull gave him a nod, and Varric tried to figure out who travelled with Dani if Bull was here. All the fighters were still here. Maybe she was at the war table and he hadn’t seen her. It was getting later in the evening.

He looked up to see Blackwall and Sera on the upper level. From the look on the barmaid’s face, they were being particularly vulgar. Varric stood up, but when he approached the stairwell, Bull called him over.

“You don’t want to talk to them,” Bull said. “They’ve been drinking since he got back.”

“That was hours ago,” Varric said. “I thought Dani left again.”

“Yeah,” Bull said. “We killed a dragon in the Hinterlands.”

“You?” Varric said. “Wait, who did this?”

“Me, Cassandra, and Vivienne were with her,” Bull said.

“Cassandra didn’t tell me she was out with her,” Varric said.

Bull shrugged and gave him a crooked smile. “You should have seen the fucker fall.”

“So Sera and Blackwall have been drinking for, what, nine hours? Ten?”

“At least,” Bull said. “Someone tried kicking them out, but they ducked into Sera’s room for a while and now they’re back out. Dorian left about an hour ago looking furious.”

Varric wondered if Dorian had beat him to the punch. He asked, “Any clue what went down?”

“None,” Bull said. “They were yelling though. A barmaid told them they had to quiet down. Dorian left to avoid any confrontation. What’s going on?”

Varric was aware that most of Dani’s inner circle kept Bull out of the loop when it came to personal matters. Dani didn’t trust him, so they respected that mistrust by keeping him out of Dani’s personal life. He didn’t often pry either. Varric rubbed his face. “Blackwall told Dani he didn’t want a romantic relationship.”

“So she’s single,” Bull said, shrugging.

“Yeah, I don’t think she’ll be interested, Bull.”

He laughed and put his arm around Varric. “Yeah, only in my wildest dreams,” he said. “I meant for you.”

“What?”

“Come on. You’re always trying to protect her. You know her better than anyone else here. I thought you were just waiting for Blackwall to bow out.”

“No.” Varric thought of Dani’s hands tracing across his chest. It occurred to him that he loved her, but like how he loved Hawke. It wasn’t different. He still thought of that electricity she sent through him, and then way her lips brushed against his ear. He cleared his throat and said, “I wasn’t. I hadn’t thought about it.”

“You must have thought about it,” Bull said. “You’re always touching her.”

“She’s always touching me-”

“You practically move to sit against her whenever she sits down.”

“She likes feeling me-” Varric said. “Listen, it’s not like that.”

“Okay,” Bull said, raising his hands defensively. “All right. I just talk about what I see, that’s all.” He leaned forward and said, “Listen, I know what people like Dani had been through, and I’ve heard about her case.”

“Her case?”

“She’s a strong person, Varric. A woman like that - you don’t just walk away from her. I don’t mean the anchor either. If anyone was going to crawl back out of the fade, it’d be her. And if we’re going to claw our way out of this fucking mess we’re in, I want to be clawing next to her, because I know if some shit goes down, she’s going to throw me over her shoulder and pull be out of that hole if she has to.”

Varric thought Bull might be flattering himself, but he held his tongue. “She’s certainly something else.”

“You’ve seen champions before,” Bull said. “And I know you’ve seen your fair share of Qunari - and I know your champion fought one for some woman. This one - this Tal-Vashoth - she’s in a completely different league. Eyes sewn closed. Lips sewn shut. Bound and caged. She was still too strong. She healed herself whenever they forced potions down her throat. They had to take out her eyes to see if she’d heal them too, but she couldn’t. And when they wanted to cut out her tongue - when they wanted to take away her voice - she escaped. I know you see this sweet Tal-Vashoth that likes hearing your stories and touching you, but I see the warrior too. I know how much fight is in her.”

Varric had never pried into her past. He’d seen a Saarebas first hand, and it wasn’t a story he wanted to hear. “You sound like you admire her,” Varric said.

“Of course I admire her,” the Iron Bull said. “Listen, you admire a fox for getting out of your trap, and you don’t expect to catch it when you lay it down again. But imagine instead of a trap, you dug a hole of infinite depth and incredible width - and so dark some people lose their mind just staring into it from the sideline. Now imagine you threw that fox into the hole personally. You knew there was no way of getting back out. And then you saw that fox climb out on the other side of that gorge, and you know it’s damaged, but it still fucking flips you off. Maybe sometimes it seems scared, but if you grabbed it to try to throw it back in, you know it’ll claw off your face before you even get close to that fucking hole.”

“So you’re not trying to throw Dani back into that hole.”

“Fuck no,” Bull said. “I have a very handsome face. But what I’m trying to say is when that fox - when Dani offers you the opportunity to hold her hand, you take it and you don’t let it go. You understand that whether you realize it or not.”

“And Blackwall?”

“He’s an idiot and he knows it. That’s why he’s drinking himself into a stupor.”

“But why do you think-”

“Damned if I know,” he said, shrugging. “He’s not intimidated by her. He doesn’t hide his attraction to her. Maybe he thinks someone is better for her.”

Iron Bull stared hard at him and Varric laughed weakly. “He seemed to think Dorian was going to be the next candidate.”

Bull let out a loud laugh and slapped him hard on the back. Varric offered him a crooked smile. “That’s rich,” Bull said. “It would explain their arguing though. Maybe Dorian hasn’t told him just to let him be jealous.”

“But he is jealous.”

“I suppose so,” Bull said. “Are you going to find Dani later?”

“Yeah, if you guys just took down a dragon, I want to hear about it,” Varric said. “I’ll catch up with her next.”

“Tell her to come have a drink with me,” Bull said. “But maybe tomorrow when they’re sleeping off their hangovers.”

“You only get a hangover if you stop drinking,” Varric said, starting to walk away. “I’ll give her the message.”

When he turned around, Blackwall stood at the bottom of the stairs. Varric took note to thank Bull for the warning. Blackwall hardly seemed like he’d spent the day drinking, and his face stayed stoic and he said, “What message?”

“I guess they just killed a dragon and Bull wanted to celebrate in a few days,” Varric said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Dani doesn’t like him,” Blackwall said, looking past Varric at Bull.

Varric turned around to see Bull raise a glass for Blackwall. Blackwall offered him a nod. Varric shrugged and said, “I’m sure Dani will turn him down if she wants to. I’m not going to tell that guy that she doesn’t want to drink with him. My face is too pretty to be pounded in, thanks.”

Varric started to walk away, but Blackwall said, “Are you going to see her?”

“Yeah. She just killed a dragon.”

“You want to make sure she’s safe,” Blackwall said.

Yes, he really did. Varric said, “I want to hear the story.”

“Should I ask you your intentions?”

Varric tried not to get pissed off. He reminded himself that Blackwall was very drunk, but even drunk he seemed to carry a certain amount of calculated awareness, as if he was always careful about what he said. He supposed drinking alone in the woods for years helped you build a good resistance to it.

Varric said with just a bit of acid, “Are you waiting for me to ask permission?”

“I’d give it if you are asking.”

“She’s her own woman,” Varric said. “If I was thinking that, I sure don’t need your permission.”

Blackwall scowled. He folded his arms across his chest and looked away. Varric left the tavern and headed back into the keep. He asked Josephine where she was, and Josephine said that she was in her chambers. She pried for Blackwall gossip, and Varric gave it willingly. Josephine sighed and turned back to her papers. “What a disappointment. I thought they were an excellent match, but I understand why he thinks their duties get priority.”

“So you don’t blame him?”

“Hardly,” she said. “But I imagine it will complicate things if someone else catches Dani’s eye. He will not ignore his feelings easily.”

Varric excused himself and headed towards Dani’s chambers. He knocked on the door before walking up the stairs. He shouted out that it was him, and she told him to come up. When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw her sitting in a tub with her back to him. He saw the white, raised scars across her back. He thought of what Bull said, that he didn’t see the warrior inside of her.

“It’s Varric,” he said. “Do you want me to go?”

“I don’t care if you see me naked, if that’s what you’re saying,” Dani said. “There’s not much to see.”

“You are a very big woman,” Varric said, “especially to someone like me. There is a lot to look at.”

“You know what I meant.”

“And you know what I meant,” Varric said. “Bull told me you killed a dragon.”

“Yeah,” she said. “You talked to Bull?”

“Yes. He asked you to come to the tavern to have a drink with him, but he thought tomorrow might be the better day.”

“Why?”

“Blackwall and Sera are in the tavern picking fights,” Varric said. “If they see you with Bull, they might misunderstand why you’re drinking together.”

“So I have to walk on eggshells around Blackwall because, what, he turned me down? He shouldn’t give a shit,” Dani said. “You’re still standing behind me.”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to.” She changed her position, and she said a bit softer, “There’s really nothing to see, Varric.”

Varric pulled up a chair and sat down facing her. She had pulled her knees up to her chest, and she held one hand out under the water, and he saw a flame beneath it. She was keeping the water warm. He wondered how long she’d been in the tub. He said, “I didn’t realize you knew any fire spells.”

“Just one,” she said with a smile. “It comes in handy.”

He looked at the scars spreading across her shoulders, and he looked at her eye sockets. He understood what Cassandra and Bull thought, but both of them saw her as some big hero. Neither of them understood that there was still a fragile person underneath all of that. Cassandra and Bull didn’t realize that she felt the scars across her body and felt nothing but flawed skin. She heard whispers about her height and broken horns. She smiled and felt her teeth press out of her lips. She knew people asked for her eyes to be covered.

Blackwall realized it, but Varric decided that whatever held him back must be worse than shattering some of her self-esteem. He cared too much about her, and he was too defensive of her. Varric decided he must not want to hurt her, though he couldn’t imagine what the big secret was.

Varric watched her face as she sank deeper into the tub again, relaxing under his presence. With her hair down, he appreciated the tight ringlets her hair took, and the way the water weighed them down when she sunk too low.

“I always forget your hair is really curly,” he said with a laugh.

“What?”

“Did you realize your hair was curly?”

“I suppose I can feel it. I mostly know it’s frizzy and in the way; I don’t spend a lot of time touching it. I don’t imagine I’d recognize myself if I saw myself again,” she said. “I think, yes, maybe my hair is curly.”

“It’s cute,” he said. When she laughed sharply, he said, “It really is. You have some on your face too.”

“You don’t need to try to make me feel better,” Dani said. “I’ll get over it.”

He frowned. “I’m not saying it to make you feel better-”

She stood up. His lips parted as he looked at her glistening body. Muscular stomach. Generous breasts with dark nipples. Wide hips. A burst of black pubic hair. Her skin seemed lighter on her stomach and knees. Was it just a trick of the light?

She stepped out of the tub and Varric realized only a second had passed as she turned her back onto him. He looked at her muscular back and broad shoulders as she pulled a towel around her. A throb went through him.

Oh Maker, there was a lot to see.

She lifted her foot and traced her fingers against the sole of it. The skin was a touch lighter, and she cursed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I stepped on a stone.”

“Let me see.”

She moved over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder as he pulled up her foot. He saw the small stone digging into her foot, and he carefully pulled it out before releasing her. “Are my toenails all right?” she asked, absently. “One time I had an ingrown toenail and it hurt like a bitch. I try to keep up with them now.”

“They’re good,” he said, looking at them again. “You keep them in good shape.”

She made a noise to let him know she heard him and then walked away again. He realized she wasn’t giving him a show. She thought he wouldn’t be attracted to her. She thought he was so disinterested in her physically that there was no harm in it. She gently touched the edge of the tub as she reoriented herself in her room.

“Dani,” he said.

“Yeah?”

He asked, “What are you doing?”

“Getting dressed.”

“In front of me?”

“Yeah.”

“It didn’t occur to you that I might be getting something out of this?” Varric asked.

“I already told you, you don’t need to flatter me.”

“Maker Dani, I’m not saying this because of Blackwall,” Varric said, standing up. “Well, maybe I am because he’s out of the picture, but I don’t want you to think I’m secretly peeping on you. I am getting pleasure out of seeing you like this, and I should go.”

“I thought you just liked flirting with me,” Dani said. “I didn’t realize-”

“Maybe I didn’t either,” Varric said. “I mean, I knew, I guess, to a certain point. I love the way you touch me and coil around me. And I thought it was just innocent and I tried to interpret it that way, but I can’t watch you naked like this. I know you don’t mean anything by it, but my part wouldn’t be innocent, and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

Dani paused and tightened her grip on the towel. She smiled and said, “I didn’t realize my naked body would have such a profound effect on you.”

He laughed weakly and felt heat rush to his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his head and said, “I didn’t either. I’m going to go.”

“Shouldn’t we talk about this?”

“What are we going to talk about?” Varric asked. “How incredibly embarrassed I am?”

Dani hesitated and said, “Well, I mean, I would be interested in seeing you naked, or feeling you naked, but-”

Varric thought of her hands tracing down his stomach. “Stop,” he said. “I don’t want to be a rebound.”

“Blackwall and I didn’t even date. He told me how much he hated the thought of me dying - how much he wanted to be with me. So I just flirted with him, and he told me to stop. He then told me several times we couldn’t be in a relationship in a variety of different ways. Yeah, it hurt, but-”

“And I don’t want to take advantage of it. I don’t want you to see me in a few days and wonder why you thought you wanted to be with me.”

“If you want to take a few days to settle your thoughts, go ahead,” she replied with a bit of ice. “I won’t keep my hopes up, but I asked you to read the Tale of the Champion because I wanted to spend time with you. I didn’t push because you put up walls, and I won’t push anymore now because of the same reason. I know you have Bianca. And I’ll be fully clothed in the future.”

“You must get tired of guys throwing themselves at you only to say, ‘No, I can’t,’ in the next breath,” Varric said.

Dani laughed. ‘I’m beginning to.”

“I’ll think about it and give you some time too,” Varric said, “but if I’m an idiot and say no, I’ll give you a clear reason, all right? I promise you that.”

She offered him a weak smile and nod, and he walked down the stairs to leave her chambers. He briefly thought of her body again and considered how it would feel nuzzling into her pubic hair. He wondered what her scars would feel like against his lips. He leaned against her door.

There was a hole in the sky. There was a hole in her hand.

If she died, it’d hurt like hell either way. If he died tomorrow, he’d regret not knowing.

He opened the door back up and closed it behind him. “I’ve changed my mind,” Varric said, charging up the stairs. “Don’t put your clothes on.”

“What?”

He found her half-dressed with her pants on. He looked at her empty sockets as he said, “I just have one request.”

“About what? What are you saying?”

“I’m in if you’re in,” Varric said. “No waiting.”

“Okay, I’m in. What’s the one request?”

“We keep it quiet,” Varric said. “Not because I’m embarrassed, but because I’m going to want to write about this, and I am not interested in writing about my sex life.”

Dani gasped. “Did you sleep with Hawke too?”

“No,” Varric said with an exasperated sigh. “I don’t - listen, there’s a hole in the sky, and I was stupid in the future and was too scared to kiss you then. I sure as hell am going to now.”

“Do you want me to pick you up or hunch over?”

“Andraste’s tits this is ridiculous,” Varric said, realizing he was at the perfect level for her crotch. “Pick me up.”

She lifted him with a smile and said, “You seem a little aggravated.”

He cupped her cheeks in his hands, and he saw some heat rise to them as felt her sharp cheekbones with his thumbs. She tilted her head down slightly, and he nuzzled her. He said, “It’s just been a while - and never with a Tal-Vashoth. Plus, it’s kind of embarrassing to have to be picked up to kiss you.”

“I offered to hunch over,” she said softly, her lips brushing against his.

He kissed her gently at first, and she responded in kind. Wrapping his arms around her neck, he kissed her deeper, urging her mouth open with his own. He flicked his tongue against hers and she pulled away. She laughed softly and set him down on the bed before sitting down beside him. He watched her and she leaned forward, propping her head up with her hands. He rubbed her back and said, “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

She smiled and shook her head.

He wondered why she looked sad. He felt the goosebumps on her skin. “Do you want me to close the window? Or I could grab your shirt for you.”

“Where are you looking?” she asked.

He watched her for a moment and continued rubbing her back. He said, “Your lips.”

She smiled, and he leaned upwards to kiss her cheek. “If you want to take it slow, I’ll take it slow,” he said. “I know-”

“Sex is just one of those things you do in Qunari culture,” she said. “When you get an itch, you go get it scratched. Bull is very frank about it.”

“Did he try to-?”

“No, no,” she said, shaking her head. 

She reached over and put her shirt back on, and when Varric put his arm back around her, she drew away to rest her head in his lap. She made sure her horns didn’t dig into him, and Varric gently stroked her hair.

She continued, “He just assumes that even though I was bound and chained, that I still had that itch scratched. He assumes I even had an itch. After I escaped, I had a few offers, but one was a bit too forward. Without saying anything, he just put his arms around me from behind and for some reason I thought of being bound again. I pushed him off of me and told him off. It must have spread since none of the others offered again.

“I know you probably see the Tal-Vashoth as mostly reckless villains, but we’re a people - or a good chunk of people - who mostly lived by a very strict code and are still figuring out how to properly live our lives. I think after that they assumed I had no itch at all, or maybe the trauma I went through suppressed it.”

Varric waited and watched her. Shadows started to spread across them, and the fireplace snapped in the silence. She continued, “When I came with some to the Chantry, I was mostly curious about this faith - and those who followed me were looking for work. But the Chantry was full of books, and one of my men read one to me, and then one of the mothers read to me as well when he grew disinterested. It was the first time I really saw romance, you know? I realized sex could be tied into a great affection for one another.”

“That some saw it as more than an itch to be scratched,” Varric said.

She smiled and nodded. She reached up and lightly outlined his lower with her thumb. “The first time I really felt that itch was when I heard your voice. You have a very tall voice.”

He laughed. “Would you believe I’ve heard that one before?”

“Oh I believe it,” she said with a laugh. “And then Cassandra described you to me with a certain amount of disgust. Books had always been available, but I had only recently started to read - or hear them, so when I heard you created these stories, and I thought of your voice reading them-”

“You were turned on,” Varric said with a laugh.

She grew flustered. “No, no-”

“I’m just teasing you,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

“I just wanted to spend time with you,” Dani said. “I was always curious about dwarves, ever since the Hero, and I thought you offered so much of what I liked. And I was curious, too, about what the sound of your voice brought out in me. Sometimes I never wanted you to stop talking.”

“That one I haven’t heard before,” he said.

She laughed, and he smiled when her face relaxed into one too. “I don’t care if you tell anyone or if you want to keep it quiet. I know you’re not embarrassed or ashamed of me-”

“-of course not-”

“-I understand that you’re a private person. No one will hear about it from me, okay?”

“All right,” he said with a nod. He had been afraid that she’d interpret his desired silence as shame, and he was relieved to hear she didn’t.

She continued, “But I want you to know that I have exactly zero experience with anything romantic or physical. I didn’t want you to think I’d have the kind of grasp with sex that Bull has. I’m afraid I might not be able to satisfy you-”

“I’ll be patient,” he said, “and I can walk you through it. Don’t worry about me, all right?” He laughed and said, “I’m easy to get off, and I really want to concentrate on making you happy. Besides, in a lot of ways it’ll be my first time too. You’re easily twice my size. I’ve never been with a woman I had to go up on to go down on.”

She laughed and gently touched his chin to draw him down for a kiss. He kept it gentle, gently brushing his nose against hers. As he drew away, she ran her fingers across his chest. He realized he’d startled her before with his kiss, but he was glad she was comfortable enough to confide in him. He knew one thing he’d leave out of his book.

He thought he’d leave his book as chaste as possible if she didn’t tell him otherwise. He understood exactly why Sera frightened her. He couldn’t imagine her telling Sera all of this. And he understood why she liked Blackwall. He only offered her commitment and the romance she read about. And one solid kiss amidst complete chaos.

And what did he offer her? Patience. A sexual attraction. And a certain amount of anxiety and confusion that they shared. 

“Lay with me,” he said.

“What?”

“Just trust me,” he said.

He helped her onto the bed, and he pulled her against him. He hooked one leg across her waist and his arms around her neck, pulling her close. He kept their noses together, and he wrapped one of her arms around his waist. She folded the other against his chest so the anchor faced herself. She smiled, and they shared a quick kiss. She smiled and gently squeezed him. “I like this,” she said.

“I thought you might.”

They stayed in silence for a few moments, and he closed his eyes to feel her warmth around him.

“Varric?”

“Mmhmm?”

“Thanks.”

“The pleasure’s all mine.”


	4. Chapter 4

Blackwall noticed the subtle change in Dani. He told himself it was because she kept him at an arm’s length, but when he watched her walk through Skyhold, he thought something different might be happening. He focussed on woodworking and keeping a comfortable drunken haze at night if Dani didn’t need him.

And it was growing clear that she didn’t. 

He was what Vivienne thought. He was boring and common and dirty and a little dumb. He wasn’t even noble or driven like Cassandra thought.

He was nothing but a greedy murderer. He didn’t even deserve a place in the Inquisition.

His anxiety grew, too, as Dani continued to investigate the Grey Wardens. He thought she’d likely bring him along, and he feared someone would realize he wasn’t one of them. What would Dani say when she found out? Would she kick him out? And what if no one said anything? Would he keep holding his tongue?

What if they never found them, and they thought he was the last Grey Warden left?

Even Sera grew a little bored of him when he couldn’t shake off whatever took hold of him. She worked hard to get him laid in the beginning, but when he failed to smile or flirt, she stopped trying. She still hung around, and he’d have taken her insult of “No one better to drink with” to heart if she hadn’t said it ever since she met him. 

The pair sat in the upper level, and Blackwall sat with his head on the table and watched Dani drink with Bull. When Sera put her stein in the way to block his view, he pushed it away.

“Can’t be sad when you turned her down,” Sera sharply said.

“Not good enough for her.”

“Pretty sure she gets to decide that,” she replied, putting her feet up on another chair. “Getting bored with this attitude.”

“Fuck off then.”

“We’re friends, yeah?”

He sighed. “I’m not a very good one.”

She laughed. “The worst.”

He looked up to her and saw a smile on her face. He weakly smiled back. “Yeah, we’re friends,” Blackwall said.

She nodded and her face turned serious. She looked over her shoulder at Dani and Bull as she said, “Be here as long as it takes for you to shake it off.”

“As boring as it is?”

“Yeah,” Sera said. “But you owe me. Big.”

Blackwall nodded. “Yes, I do.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Blackwall watched Dani laugh. He’d hurt Sera too. When she found out, she’d hate him as much as the others. He said, “Maybe you should let me go.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious.”

“And I said fuck off,” Sera said. “Don’t care that you’re an asshole.”

A mix of happiness and guilt swelled in Blackwall. He smiled weakly at her and she took a drink. She asked, “So do you think Solas has fucked spirits?”

“Definitely,” Blackwall said. “The question is does he wake up with soiled pants or does his orgasm only happen inside his head?”

Sera laughed. “Wonder how we could find that out.”

Dorian approached and took a seat as if he belonged with them. He’d recently discovered Dorian was gay, and now he was incredibly embarrassed of getting jealous of him. He privately apologized to Dorian for being an ass, and Dorian had laughed it off and told him not to worry. “And what are you two discussing?” he asked, looking at Dani and Bull.

“Whether or not Solas jizzes in his pants after fucking a spirit,” Sera said.

Dorian’s eyes grew wide and he simply said, “Ah.”

“Could wake up with a huge hard-on,” Sera said.

“Only experiences the climax in his head, but gets no physical relief,” Blackwall said. “I could see that.”

“Wouldn’t want to see it,” Sera said.

“Definitely not,” Blackwall agreed.

“I understand why you two sit alone up here,” Dorian said.

“You could always sit with Dani and the Iron Bull,” Blackwall said. “No one is asking you to stay here.”

“You could both sit with them,” Dorian said.

“Don’t feel like it,” Sera said.

“Yeah,” Blackwall said.

Dorian said, “Is there a reason you haven’t raised your head off of the table, Blackwall?”

“Very drunk.”

“Yeah,” Sera agreed. 

She went a step further and laid down on the tab1e, hanging her legs over the railing. She gave Blackwall a smile and he laughed. Dorian stayed sitting at his chair, drinking. Blackwall wondered why he hadn’t bothered to leave yet. Dorian said, “Have you noticed any changes in Dani?”

“She doesn’t want to see me,” Blackwall said, “so no.”

“Just that there’s no room on her shoulders because someone’s prissy ass is there instead,” Sera said to Dorian.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Dani was calling for Sera less as well. Blackwall wasn’t sure if it was because she was uncomfortable with Dorian’s magic, or if it was their friendship that made her keep her distance. Guilt weighed down heavier on him. He considered taking another drink, but he didn’t want to pull his head off the table.

“You don’t suppose she’s getting laid, do you?” Dorian asked. “Something’s different.”

“Fuck off,” Sera said.

“So it’s neither of you,” Dorian said.

Sera got off the table and said, “Being serious. Fuck off.”

Dorian raised his hand defensively and took his drink with him as he walked down to the lower level. Blackwall noticed Dani tilt her head in their direction, but she looked away as Dorian joined her and Bull. Sera climbed back on the table. He said, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Protect me.”

“You’re good with a shield, but you’re shit at protecting yourself. I gotta do that here when you’re not in your armour.”

Blackwall smiled. He lifted his head up and took a drink before climbing onto the table with her. Sera laughed and said, “You’re not gonna-”

“Oh I’m gonna. I’m sick on the view,” he said.

He hung his feet over the railing and laid next to her. She laughed as they both stared up at the ceiling. “Table won’t hold your weight,” she said.

“It’s fine,” he said, patting his stomach.

The table creaked and then collapsed underneath the laughing pair.

*

Dani thought she understood why Blackwall didn’t want to be in a relationship. Being with Varric changed part of her. A very selfish part of her constantly brought him to the forefront of her mind, and some days, she wanted to pull him into bed and stay there for a week.

Instead of, you know, saving the world and all of that.

She had thought about Varric a lot before, but now it was as if he had rooted himself in her mind. She didn’t hate it, but it made her feel extremely selfish. She adored him and the way he made her feel, and she found her mind wandering at the war meetings.

And the sexual part of their relationship had barely started. Varric had gently touched her through her pants, and she loved it, but gently pulled his hand away. She’d felt his erection against her stomach, and she rubbed against it when she kissed him deeper. She liked the heavy petting and foreplay, and Varric was good-humoured about keeping things very slow moving. He only didn’t like travelling with her at night and crashing in a tent and having to hold back from touching her, and she selfishly liked the thought of him thinking about her with lust.

They laid on the bed, intertwined, with their shirts off. Dani loved the feeling of her nipples against his chest hair. He hooked his leg over her hip, and she pressed her stomach against his erection. She’d just left the war table, giving each advisor a tedious task so she would be alone for a few hours, but she still gave them the assignments late enough that no one expected her to start travelling somewhere else.

“I want to try something,” Varric said against her lips.

“What were you thinking?”

“Remember how I said I never had to climb up on a woman to go down on her?”

“You want to try that?”

“If you’re comfortable,” he said.

She bit her lower lip. She was still worried about somehow doing something wrong. Varric kissed her again, gently sucking her lower lip as he broke the kiss. “We can stick with this,” he said.

“You’re teasing me,” she said with a laugh.

“No, I’m just showing you I’m happy with this,” he replied.

He smiled against her lips, and she gave him the benefit of the doubt. “All right,” she said. “Go ahead.”

“If you want me to stop or if you change your mind, don’t hesitate to tell me, okay?” Varric said. “I mean it.”

She nodded. He kissed her again. As he pulled away, he traced his lips along her jawline before kissing the sweet spot where her jaw and neck met. She bit her lower lip as his stubble brushed against her neck. Smiling, she rubbed his back as his kissed down her neck. He rolled her onto her back, but stayed straddling her. He cupped one breast, gently pressing his thumb against her nipple as he kissed the other. She arched upwards as he swirled his tongue around it.

She loved the way he made her ache. He was slow and thorough. His wide tongue carefully flicked against the tip of her nipple before circling around it again. She bit her lower lip and slipped her hand lower on his body, squeezing his ass. He smiled against her and gently rubbed her pussy through her pants. She spread her legs as he kept his movements slow and gentle while licking her nipple. 

Kissing between her breasts, both of hands rubbed her inner thighs as he moved lower on her body. He traced his lips across her stomach, and he untied her pants. He pulled them past her hips and down her thighs, and she pushed off the remainder of them with her feet. He hooked one of her legs around his back and ran his hands up her thighs again. 

“You’re so beautiful, Dani,” he said.

“Stop,” she said, though she smiled.

“I mean it,” he said, kissing her thigh. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

She leaned back with the smile staying strong on her face. The fireplace popped behind them, and heat hung in the air. Varric ran his hands up her stomach as he slipped his tongue between the folds of her pussy with one quick lick. He repeated the motion slower, tracing his tongue up the length of her pussy and swirling his tongue around her clit. She sharply took air.

“Everything okay?” Varric asked.

“Everything’s perfect,” she said.

He continued the pattern, and her breaths grew quicker as he increased his pace. He changed the angle of his tongue so the strokes were wider, and she arched up against his mouth. He gripped her ass with one hand while the other rested on her thigh. He started flicking his tongue back and forth up her pussy before sucking her clit. She let out a sharp groan, and he pulled away quickly. His licks grew careful again, he drew his hand off of her thigh to gently press his thumb against her clit.

The pressure was perfect as he ate her out with a careful determination. She gripped the sheets as heat built in her cheeks. She felt a peak of pleasure and sharply groaned again. The way Varric moved his thumb against her clit twisted heat and energy inside of her. Thinking she might explode, she kicked her foot against his shoulder with a yelp to push him off of her.

“Sorry!” she said, quickly. “Oh Varric, I’m sorry.”

She heard him laughing. “Maker, that’s smarts.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Dani,” he replied, still laughing. “Don’t worry. Are you all right?”

“I think so,” she said.

She ached. The pleasure still buzzed sharply inside of her. Her nipples were so hard she thought she could use them for weapons. He kissed between her breasts, cupping one with his hand as he asked, “Do you want me to stop?”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m a tough dwarf, Dani. I can take it.”

She smiled as he smiled against her chest. He teased her nipple between two fingers. That hot pulse went through her. He said, “You’re going to feel that again. Is that okay? It’s going to be great, and if it isn’t, kick me off of you again.”

“Yeah, I think that’s okay. I just wasn’t ready,” she said.

He kissed down her stomach again, and he hooked her legs back over his shoulder. She dug one of her heels into his ass, and he smiled against her pelvis. “Ready?” he asked.

“Maker, yes.”

She cursed under her breath as he started slow again. He made a broad movement with his tongue before swirling it around her clit again. She arched her hips up against him, urging him to pick up the pace. The force in which he complied surprised her. He pressed his thumb back against her clit, moving it quickly as he flicked his tongue quickly through her. She shuddered and groaned, tightening her legs around him.

“Don’t stop,” she groaned. “Oh Maker.”

He moved his thumb faster, and she moved her hips against his rhythm. She could hardly believe the pleasure surging through her. She didn’t hear the thunder outside the room as Varric increased the pace. She tightly gripped the sheets and cursed as she came with a loud groan.

A loud electric crack echoed through the room, and Varric pulled away quickly. “What happened?” she asked.

“My hair’s standing on end,” Varric said with a laugh. “I think you let out a bit energy.”

“No - I did more,” she said, pulling away. “Shit, Varric, I think-”

“You’re naked, get dressed.”

*

The storm built up quickly. It was mostly just thunder and lightning surging through the clouds. Blackwall had noticed it darkened the windows. Sera said, “Didn’t expect a storm.”

He took another drink and heard another loud crack of thunder. “It’s going to start pouring any second,” he said.

A new crack shattered the thoughts of everyone in the tavern as several boards on the roof shattered. Flames began to lick at the roof. Blackwall covered Sera with his arm as everyone quickly left the bar with murmurs of excitement. As they stood outside the bar and looked at the flames eating the ceiling, Sera handed him his beer. She shrugged and said, “I grabbed what was important.”

He supposed it was flattering considering she lived in the bar. He looked over to see Dorian watching with a smile on his face. Blackwall looked at the sky and noticed it was clear. 

“Mages,” he said with a curse. “Someone must have been practicing and missed their target.”

Dorian joined them and said, “Or somebody got laid. And who do we know with a lot of electricity surging through her?”

Blackwall looked back at the roof and doubted it was Dani’s work. She was experienced and in control, though he frowned as he realized she wasn’t exactly experienced in anything of a sexual nature.

Bull said to Dorian, “You’re a mage. Do something!”

“Do you want me to throw more fire at it?” Dorian asked. “Or would you like me to strike fear into the fire’s heart?”

Several other mages arrived and put out the fire. Blackwall turned to see Dani approach and ask a few of the others what had happened. She wasn’t wearing a blindfold. Her hair was messy, and she hugged herself self-consciously. But no one was with her.

Dorian shouted, “Dani! Darling!” He approached her quickly and put his arm around her as he led her away from the scene.

Sera said, “Fucking mages.”

Blackwall knew he’d seen guilt on her face. But he wondered who she could be sleeping with. Bull, Dorian, and Sera were in the pub with him. He doubted Solas would fuck anything on this plane. He thought Cassandra was straight, but maybe - Josephine. He’d seen her dote on Dani before. He thought of Dani eating Josephine out from underneath her desk as heat rushed to his cheeks.

He pushed the thoughts out of his head. It wasn’t any of his business, and he supposed she could have just been pleasuring herself. He sighed as heat stayed in his cheeks from that thought.

*

Hawke and Varric sat on the castle ramparts, leaning against the walls. It’d been a while since him and Hawke just hung around, and even now it felt different. She was angry because she was scared. This Grey Warden issue threatened Bethany.

“Why hasn’t Dani acted yet?” Hawke asked.

Varric could hardly say because he couldn’t get his head out from between her thighs. “She has a lot of different people making a lot of different requests from her, and while she has a lot of people behind her, there are too many tasks people expect her to personally see to. She’s had no formal training - she’s just a Tal-Vashoth from the coast.”

“She’s a Saarebas, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“I saw the scars when I was talking to her,” Hawke said. “You know I wanted to help the one we saw.”

“I do,” Varric said.

“I wonder what she did to escape,” Hawke said. “Do you know?”

“Nope,” Varric said. “The Qunari on our team, he knows, but I’d rather hear it from her.”

Hawke watched him for a moment and then asked, “Why are you here?”

Varric frowned. “I was here when it happened. I just felt like I needed to see it through.”

“Do you like that Seeker?” Hawke asked, nudging him.

“Not in the way you’re implying,” he said. “How’s Anders?”

“I don’t know because I’m still here waiting for the Inquisitor to see through this Grey Warden nonsense,” Hawke said. “Inquisition camps are popping up everywhere.”

“We’re going to Crestwood soon.”

“When?”

“I don’t know,” Varric said, sharply. “Soon.”

“This might have a time limit, you know.”

“I am well aware.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Hawke asked with a bit of a laugh. “You’re supposed to shit talk the Inquisitor. Make jokes about her dragging her feet when it comes to the real work.”

“It’s all real work, Hawke.”

Hawke grinned and gripped his shoulder. “You like it here.”

“You wouldn’t believe how much walking I do in a day,” Varric said. “And we’re never in the city. I hate it.”

“But you like it, right? This isn’t a right place at the wrong time moment like it was with me. You could have walked away-”

“I started this,” Varric said. “I found the red lyrium. I’m going to see it through.”

Hawke nodded and said, “So you won’t come back with me?”

“Afraid not,” Varric said. “You could stay though.”

“No,” Hawke said. “I have to protect Bethany and Anders. I’ve written them letters to let them know I’m taking longer than expected.”

“I’ll try to drop in a word,” Varric said.

He saw Dani, Solas, Cassandra, and Cole riding back in on horseback. He noticed Dani nodding off on the horse, and Cassandra shaking her arm to keep her awake. “That Tal-Vashoth is run ragged,” Hawke said. “You’d think Cullen would put more men to work so she didn’t have to do so much.”

Varric said, “I think we just have too much work all around, and Dani has to personally go close all these rifts, right? It’s hard to focus on one thing when we get reports of demons terrorizing everyone. And Crestwood has reports of undead. How long do you think we’ll end up being there? Weeks, maybe.”

“How often does she come back to Skyhold?” she asked.

“Probably more than she should,” Varric said. “We’ll need to change supplies or upgrade armour and weapons or she finds out she’ll need one of us who didn’t bother to come with her and wait at camp. Most of the time if we’re just missing one person, we’ll send word and they’ll come to meet us while we’re doing other things, but sometimes it’s just nice to stop at Skyhold for a few hours, change, throw some water on your face and sleep in an actual bed.”

“So you go with her often?”

“More often than not,” Varric said, “but you don’t get to say anything since I know how often you came knocking on the tavern to drag me along.”

“Dragging you around Kirkwall and area is totally different from dragging you across Ferelden and Orlais,” Hawke said with a laugh. “And we’re talking about days of being in a tent and being around grass and trees and, god forbid, sand.”

“I hate how it sucks you in.”

“Sand is shit, yeah,” Hawke said. “The book you write about her better be worth it.”

“It will be,” Varric said. “You’ll love it.”

“Yeah, like Aveline’s shit book, right?”

Varric cleared his throat. “It’ll be better than that.”

Hawke smiled at him, and Varric stood up. “I better go check on her.”

“You want to check on a fully grown Tal-Vashoth who somehow escaped the Qun?” Hawke asked with a laugh.

Varric fidgeted and said, “I don’t know. Maybe she’ll want something.”

“Andraste’s frilly knickers!” Hawke said, pointing. “You like her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bianca has fallen from the throne!”

“No, she hasn’t,” Varric said, sharply.

“Does she know? Or does she just think this dwarf enjoys doting on her? Or does she even see you?”

Varric rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not discussing this with you.”

Hawke rubbed his arms and said, “That means it’s good. Come on, sit down and I’ll forgive you for taking so long.”

Varric said, “I really should go.”

“You’re sleeping with her,” Hawke said, pulling him back towards her. “Who would have thought she even had the time for that?”

“She doesn’t,” Varric said. “Not really.”

“But you are-”

“No,” Varric said.

Hawke watched him with a smile and nudged him. “Something’s going on. Come on.”

Varric shook his head. “I really can’t talk about it Hawke,” he said. “You understand that, right?”

“I guess if you get touched by Andraste, people don’t want anyone else touching you,” Hawke said with a laugh. When Varric didn’t laugh with her, she softened. “All right. I’ll drop it. Bugger off.”

Varric smiled weakly. “Thanks.”

He walked along the ramparts and headed into the hallway leading to Dani’s room through a stairway. He knocked on the door and then entered. “Hawke’s on my ass about Crestwood,” he said, walking up the stairs. “Is it on the itinerary or do you plan to explore all of the Fallow Mire first like you did with the Storm Coast?”

Dani didn’t respond, and when he reached the top of the stairs, he saw her sitting in the bathtub. “Is her Inquisitorialness not interested in shop talk?”

As he walked around to face her, he realized she was asleep. One of her feet hung out of the tub, and he rubbed it. She sharply in took air as she awoke. “It’s me,” Varric said. “Don’t worry.”

“Maker, I keep falling asleep. I did a push to close all the rifts on the Fallow Mire. The Inquisition should be fine managing it now.”

“Congratulations.”

“I’d say celebrations are in order, but I keep falling asleep,” Dani said. “Give me a few hours and then I’ll be good for celebrations.”

“How about a full night’s rest and then a trip to Crestwood?”

“What’s in Crestwood again? Undead?”

“Hawke’s friend.”

Dani cursed under her breath. “Right. The Grey Wardens.” She leaned back as Varric continued to rub her foot. “Do we bring our own Grey Warden? It could be dangerous for him, but he could help us if we find them. They’ll trust us if we’ve already proven ourselves loyal to the Grey Wardens.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Varric said. “Hawke stopped by and mentioned that she had expected things to move quicker, so I thought-”

“Of course,” Dani said. “It might be the day after tomorrow, but soon. Next stop.”

“Thanks,” he said.

“I should have done it sooner,” Dani said. “Tell Hawke I’m sorry. She’s probably worried about her sister.”

“I’ll deliver the message.”

Dani light a fire in her hand to warm the water and then rubbed her fingers together. “I wonder how long I’ve been asleep.”

“Can’t be too long,” Varric said. “I was just out talking with Hawke and I saw you come in. Ten minutes, tops. It took me a while to get to your room.”

Dani rubbed her face and said, “Are you going to talk to Hawke now before she goes?”

“She’ll probably hang around for a bit. I can stay.”

“Would you get my back?”

Varric smiled. “Sure.”

He stood behind her and leaned her forward. He carefully washed her back as she pulled her knees to her chest, holding her hair back with her other hand. Her silence wasn’t unusual. The longer she spent in the Inquisition, the more she tried to think tactfully and worried about wasting time. She was still struggling with priorities, and Varric knew every advisor told her to focus on a different thing.

But choosing to speak with the mages first only to have the templars attack - he knew she feared another decision would have similar consequences, and she either ignored or didn’t care that hesitating had consequences too. The Orlesian Ball had a set date, and she had plenty of time before she had to go. But the longer she took with the Grey Wardens-

“Are you making sure I shine?” she asked with a laugh.

Varric smiled and pulled the cloth away. “You already shine.”

She laughed harder. “Stop.”

He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, and she playfully pushed his head away. “I’m going to get out.”

He was relieved he wasn’t in her position. He could do this - support her and advise her while still being able to sleep at night. She grew increasingly restless at night in Skyhold. It was different on the field when she worked until she collapsed. If she stayed in Skyhold another night, he knew he’d wake up in the middle of the night to find her pacing.

As she stepped out of the tub, he worried she lost weight. He tried to remember if her stomach had always been so tuck or if there was a bit of pudge below her belly button. He thought there had been. He watched her face and tried to remember if her cheeks had been fuller.

“Are you doing anything?” she asked, pulling on a shirt to sleep in.

“Just watching you.”

“I must be really interesting,” she said as she put on bottoms.

Varric said, “Are you feeling all right?”

“Just exhausted,” she said.

“Is there anything I can do?” Varric said. “Even if you just want me to fuck off.”

She pulled back the sheets on her bed and didn’t immediately respond. She pushed the tub aside, and Varric assumed she’d worry about draining it tomorrow. She said, “You’re certain Hawke is staying for a bit?”

“She would have told me if she was leaving,” Varric said. “Yeah, I think she’ll be here for a while.”

Dani hugged herself, and Varric softened as she hunched over slightly. Shy and self-conscious. He hated seeing her like this, but he loved that she wasn’t afraid to share it with him. It always reminded him of her past before she joined the Inquisition. Bull had told him Adaar meant “Weapon.” He supposed when she followed the Qun, that’s all she was to them.

“Would you stay with me?” she asked. “Nothing sexual, just, you know, sit. It’ll be really boring if you’re not tired, but-”

“Of course,” he replied with a smile. He approached her and gently took her hand in his own. “I’ll cuddle with you until your fall asleep, and I’ll write after you do if I can’t sleep. So if you wake up, I’ll be right here, okay?”

“Perfect,” she said. She hesitated and said, “Thank you.”

“Come on, it’s a pleasure,” he said with a laugh.

She smiled and leaned over to gently peck his lips. He hugged her, and she smiled against his lips before pulling away. He took off his tunic and pants as she slid under the covers. He followed suit, and when he gently touched her shoulder, she pulled him against her. She tucked her head under his chin and loosely wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her against him and felt her smile against his chest. He hooked his leg over her waist, and she exhaled in contentment. 

He wished he’d been taller. He wished he could have wrapped completely around her and helped her feel secure and safe. He didn’t often regret being short, but he would have traded a lot in that moment to be Bull’s size. But Dani seemed happy with what little he could give, and he supposed that was why he liked her so much.

Her breaths turned steady and her arms grew heavy against him. He smiled and decided he didn’t really feel like writing anyway.

*

Blackwall thought it might be the first time he and Dani had been alone since he had tried to explain to her that they couldn’t be together. With her arms folded against her chest, she leaned against the table with the rocking griffon he’d made. She wore her blindfold, and he wondered if he’d ever see her without it again.

He knew why she came to see him. Cassandra had completely destroyed a dummy, which told him that Hawke was back on the premises. And if Hawke was on the premises, Dani was taking too long to seek out the Wardens.

She started, “About the Wardens-”

“I’m afraid I don’t have any new insight to offer,” he said.

Dani thinned her lips, and he shifted his weight one from foot to the other. He shouldn’t have cut her off. Maker, he was an asshole. He nervously smoothed out his beard as she said, “Do you want to go on this mission with us? I don’t know what’s effecting the Wardens and if it will affect you as well, but I think your presence within the Inquisition is a large benefit and if people see you at my side,” she let her voice trail off before she continued, “but I don’t want to risk your life for that, and I don’t want to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.”

“You would have me?” he quietly asked.

She softened. “Of course.”

He tried not to immediately say yes. What would happen to Dani’s credibility if someone found out he wasn’t actually a Grey Warden? They used the Grey Warden treaties, after all. What if someone realized he wasn’t actually Blackwall? He knew there was a good chance that whatever was happening to the Grey Wardens wouldn’t affect him.

It would have been a hell of a lot easier if he’d just gotten through the damned joining. He’d be an official Warden. He’d be able to go on the mission without fearing for Dani’s credibility.

 

And he wanted to protect her. He wanted to stand at her side and listen to her and Varric laugh. He wanted to feel her warm barrier over him. Would she ever use him again if he declined now? Would this be his last chance to fight alongside her?

But he risked so much. She couldn’t be seen with a Grey Warden fraud.

If only things hadn’t played out like they had. It would mean Blackwall would still be alive, and he’d still be at his side. The emptiness in his chest would be filled. What would he think of Dani? What would she think of him? What would he think of Sera?

“Please don’t feel pressured,” she said. “I don’t think your life is worth the risk.”

The thought hit him suddenly. She wanted to protect him. She didn’t want to bring him along for his own safety, but she didn’t want to keep him out of something he cared about. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how wonderful she was. She cleaned the upper fold of her ear with her pinky as he decided she was the most perfect being in all of Thedas.

No one knew he was a fraud yet, and he would make certain they didn’t.

“I would like to go with you, Inquisitor.”


	5. Chapter 5

Dani couldn’t believe that the Hero of Ferelden’s boyfriend was standing in front of her. She heard maybe a third of whatever he was talking about. Totally and completely star struck. 

“Alistair,” she said, cutting him off.

“Um, yes?”

“What was she like?” Dani asked.

The cave was completely silent aside from the mabari panting. She knew about the dog, Zaeed. She desperately wanted to pet it.

“I’d really rather not discuss it,” Alistair said. “I understand how important she is to some people-”

Blackwall said, “The Inquisitor uses Daniela as her namesake-”

Dani quickly said, “I knew the Qunari you called Sten.”

“What?”

“He is the Arishok,” Dani said, “or he was, when I left. He spoke of you.”

“He spoke of me?”

“He spoke more of Zaeed,” Dani said, “and I only overheard a few stories.”

“He likes Barkspawn more than me,” Alistair said, a bit exasperated. “What did he say about me?”

“May I pet Zaeed?” Dani said.

“Yeah, sure, but he hasn’t been Zaeed for a while. He became a father and grew into the name Barkspawn. Just let him smell your hand first,” Alistair said. As Dani held out her hand to Barkspawn, Alistair continued, “We’ll need to seek out-”

Barkspawn’s warm nose pressed up against her hand and he pressed his head against her. She kneeled to pet behind his ears. Barkspawn’s pelt was nearly exactly how Sten described, and she assumed the slight coarseness was simply his age.

“His life would be completely different if you had not retrieved his sword,” Dani said. “You were present when Dani retrieved it, correct? He considered it very important that you were there.”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

Dani continued, “And he said that he went up to fight the Archdemon and Dani left you behind. She told you it was in case the Archdemon attacked from another angle, but-”

“But she was afraid I would sacrifice myself instead, yes,” Alistair said. “Listen, I’ve lived it already, and I don’t really want to talk about it. We have a much more pressing issue.”

Dani rubbed Barkspawn’s chest and listened to him pant. The questions bubbled inside of her and she tried not to let them spill out. Sten thought it was foolish that Alistair didn’t want to be King since he thought it was what he was meant to do, but Sten respected the purpose he chose. He admired the Grey Wardens, or at least the dwarf Grey Warden he knew, and he allowed himself a small bit of affection for her partner.

She didn’t tell Alistair that Sten thought it was foolish she allowed the weaker to live.

Alistair asked, “Inquisitor?”

Dani said, “I can’t believe this is Zaeed - or Barkspawn.”

“Forgive her,” Varric said. “She’s a little, uh-”

“I lived the majority of my life in shackles,” Dani replied. “Hearing Daniela’s story from the Arishok himself, hearing that this small dwarf who was looked down upon in her own society rose up and found love and fought for people she didn’t even know and became a hero - it inspired me. It’s all I wanted to do.”

Alistair said nothing for a moment, and she heard Hawke’s armour shift. “I like Hawke a lot too,” Dani said. “Varric read me her novel.”

Hawke said, “It’s a bit embellished.”

“You should have heard some of the embellishments that were added by the peanut gallery,” Varric said under his breath.

Dani tried to tell herself she was being unreasonable. Hawke was worried about her sister. The issue was very likely time sensitive, and the last time she hesitated - “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just got a little flustered.” She stood up away from Barkspawn and continued, “You think we should investigate the Western Approach?”

She could hear the surprise in Alistair’s voice as he said, “Yes. We’ve been hearing the Calling and-”

“I’m sorry,” Dani said, “Blackwall, have you been hearing it?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t think-”

He shrugged. “I’ve been ignoring it.”

She told Alistair to continue as she took in the information. In the back of her mind, she wondered if the Calling was the reason Blackwall turned her down. She tried not to think about it, but the thought twisted inside of her. Of course he wouldn’t date her if he thought he was dying. He wouldn’t want to start a relationship with her and hurt her, but why wouldn’t he tell her that?

Because she might have pushed for it anyway, and he wouldn’t have been able to say no.

Barkspawn rubbed up against her hand, and she stroked him absently as they plotted their next move. When they planned to move, Alistair lightly touched her hand and then pulled it away quickly. She heard the rest of the group walk out of the cave, talking amongst themselves. 

Alistair said, “I wanted to say - I mean - Daniela was an amazing woman. It’s just,” he sighed and continued, “You go through something like that, and it’s all anyone wants to talk about. I loved her wholly and completely. She was the first person who made me feel, well, whole, I suppose. Like there was nothing missing from me. She didn’t try to harden me, and when I said I didn’t want to be King, she didn’t pressure me.”

He kept his voice low and said, “But it’s hard to move on when everyone asks about her, when everyone wants to see even a glimpse of what she once was, and all the memories come rushing back and you remember little things like the way she would touch your shoulder or the sound of her laugh, but then you realize you’re starting to forget others. You can’t quite remember the sound of her voice or the position of the one scar you always kissed.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Dani waited. She knew Alistair didn’t mean to frighten her and she was touched he would be so personal with her. He wondered if he saw some of Daniela in her. But she thought of Blackwall and Varric and her companions. It would cut her deep to lose any of them.

And Blackwall already heard the Calling.

Alistair laughed and said, “And then you start pouring your heart out to strangers, because sometimes you’re afraid if you say nothing, you’ll forget everything completely. I don’t think - I don’t think she would have made me stay behind if she realized how hard it would be to move on without her. Morrigan claimed that - ah, it doesn’t matter. I just focus on living and trying to be happy for her sake and trying to make a difference like she would.”

“I’m sorry I pried,” she said. “I shouldn’t have-”

“Come on now, don’t tell me you didn’t want to hear all that,” Alistair said, laughing weakly. “I don’t open up without a certain amount of berating.” 

Dani smiled and said, “I meant that I didn’t mean to cause you more pain.”

Alistair shrugged and said, “No one ever does when they ask about her. I just thought, if she were here, I think she would want to help you, and I think she would have been honoured to meet you, especially if you were a friend of Sten’s. She always liked Sten a little too much.”

She didn’t want to say that she wasn’t so much a confidant as she was a fixture in the room when her handler talked to him. Dani said, “I appreciate hearing that.”

“I’m not surprised you’re bigger than I thought, but you’re much,” his voice trailed off.

“Kinder?”

“Pushier,” he said with a laugh.

They started to walk out, and Dani felt Barkspawn brush up against her hand again. She scratched behind his ears as they joined the others. Alistair said, “Barkspawn is getting up in his years, and I hear you have quite the keep.”

“It desperately needs redecorating,” Dorian said.

“Would you be willing to take Barkspawn?” Alistair asked. When Dani gasped, he continued, “After we sort out this mess, I can come back and pick him up. He’s still quite the fighter, but I’d rather not risk him.”

She kneeled down beside Barkspawn and rubbed him again. “I’ll take really good care of him,” she said.

Alistair laughed and said, “Well, you’ll be with me, won’t you?”

“Um, they’ll take good care of him at Skyhold,” Dani said, hugging the mabari to her chest. “We’ll have to go back to Skyhold to discuss the new developments with my advisors because, I mean, you’ve seen me. I don’t really know what I’m doing on my own.”

“Our noble leader,” Dorian said with a happy sigh.

“You could come with us,” Dani said. “You and Hawke.”

“We’ll scout ahead,” Hawke said, and Alistair nodded in agreement before saying his agreement aloud. “We’ll send word and it’ll give you a better idea of what you’ll be facing.”

*

“The Inquisition forces should keep the undead away from Crestwood while we sort out the Grey Wardens,” Dani said to Varric as she pulled off her shirt. “Then I can go close that rift after.” She hesitated and said, “Where did Za- Barkspawn go?”

Varric shrugged, watching Dani carefully from the bed. He noticed she was eager to keep busy, full of nervous energy. He said, “I think he ran off. He’s probably doing dog stuff. Did I tell you about Hawke’s mabari?”

“Yes,” Dani said. “Listen, when this is all over, getting me a mabari top priority. We should talk to Cullen about getting kennels. I promise not to call it Varric.” She took off her pants as he chuckled. She hesitated and said, “What happened to Hawke’s mabari?”

“She gave it to Bodahn and Sandal,” Varric said. “She thought it would help them when they became merchants again.”

“Oh good,” Dani said, dropping back onto the bed. “I was worried something had happened to it.”

“No, as far as I know, the Mabari is fine,” Varric said.

“Good,” Dani said, feeling Varric’s leg on the bed. “Are you working on something?”

“Just watching you.”

Dani smiled and rolled over onto her stomach. She traced her hands up Varric’s legs. “You know, we won’t be in Skyhold long,” she said. “And you won’t share a tent with me when we’re back on the field.”

“What are you proposing, Inquisitor?” he asked, trying to keep his tone innocent.

Dani rose up to peck his lips. He cupped her cheek, pulling her back to kiss her again. When he started to untie her blindfold, she stopped him. “I’d rather keep it on,” she said, softly.

“You know it doesn’t bother me,” he replied.

She hesitated, and he gently kissed her again. She took off her blindfold and set it on the nightstand. She snuffed out the lantern, and Varric kissed her neck. He cupped her breast in his hand, circling his thumb around her nipple. Dani nuzzled into his chest, kissing down it as she moved her hands up his thighs.

He rubbed her shoulders, bucking slightly into her grip as she felt the outline of his growing erection. She confided in him that Dorian had given her countless suggestions for how to control her magic in sexual situations – skills most mages learned as their sexuality budded – and she seemed quick to learn his tips. She released her magic in safer ways, often encircling him with a barrier when she lost control, but now the accidental releases were few and far between.

He spent a lot of time between her thighs to help her hone those particular skills, and she’d admitted to feeling like she was leaving him out despite him assuring her he didn’t mind. Still, she was nervous moving forward. He was patient, sure, but he still relished in the moments she paid him attention.

Jerking him off through his pants, Dani kissed his chest, flicking her tongue against his nipple. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his head on top of hers and releasing a happy sigh. She untied his pants and fished his cock out. He loved how her fingers carefully explored every inch, gently dipping her finger beneath his foreskin and circling around it. He shuddered.

“It’s so cute,” she said.

“Don’t call it cute.”

“It’s wearing a little shirt.”

“That’s not-“

She laughed and kissed his neck as her hand encircled his shaft. “I know what it is,” she said, gently jerking him off. He swallowed as she increased the pace with her thumb pressing against the head of her cock. “It’s large for a dwarf, isn’t it? It feels big.”

“You’re just trying to flatter me to make up for you calling it cute,” Varric said, nuzzling into her hair.

“It is cute,” she said, leaning down slightly. She kissed the head of his cock and purred, “Cute and massive.”

Varric laughed despite the hot pulse that shot through him. “You’re killing me, Dani. It’s not massive.”

“Massive,” she purred.

She moved her fist down on his shaft to swirl her tongue around the head of his cock. He sharply took in air. Dorian must have told her a few more things about this too. She released his shaft to gently squeeze his testicles. Her tongue traced up the underside of his shaft, and he squirmed. He licked his lips as she took the head of his cock into her mouth. 

“Careful,” he said.

She had brushed her teeth a bit too roughly against him last time. She sucked down his shaft carefully, squeezing his ass in the process. He leaned into her, closing his eyes as he let the sensation spill over him. Her tongue teased the underside of his shaft as she took his cock in its entirely into her mouth. His toes curled, and the pressure built inside of him as she swirled her tongue around his shaft. She started to suck him harder, and he bit his bottom lip.

“Wait,” he said, hardly believing his own words.

She pulled away, kissing his stomach as she waited. He said, “You wanted to try penetration, right? I’m not sure I’ll be awake enough for two rounds.”

“I really do,” she said. “Do you mind?”

A bit of frustration surged through him, but he pushed it aside. “No,” he said. “How should we do this? Do you want to straddle me?”

“I’d worry about slipping and hurting you,” she said.

“Come on, I’m a tougher dwarf than that-“

Dani kissed his shaft again. She nuzzled into his testicles before kissing behind them. He shuddered and lost his thoughts. Her thick tongue sampled the flesh before she kissed it again. He wanted to fuck her. He really, really wanted to fuck her. “Lay back on the bed,” he said. “We’ll try it this way.”

She complied, and he traced his hands up her thighs. He could smell her excitement, and he nuzzled into her pussy. He swirled his tongue around her clit, watching her lips part as he quickly sucked it. He pressed a finger into her and then a second, curling them inside of her. She spread her legs and arched into his touch, and his cock ached as a reminder.

Still, he pressed on, licking and sucking her while he spread his fingers apart. She hooked her leg around his back, letting out a soft moan. He smiled against her before he pulled away. He took some oil off the nightstand and carefully spread it along his cock, just in case. Gripping her hips, he pulled her closer to him. She rested her legs over his shoulders, pulling herself up slightly. He slid his cock against her, pressing it against the length of her pussy without penetrating her. He rubbed the head of his cock against her clit, watching the way the corner of her mouth raised into a smile.

He then adjusted himself to press his cock into her. She clenched her teeth and then relaxed. “You’re okay?” he asked.

“Perfect,” she said with her smile again. “Keep going.”

He pumped inside of her carefully, worrying a bit that he wasn’t enough for her. She bucked back against his rhythm regardless. Her muscles tightened around him, and he tried to keep his breath steady. He watched as she panted, and he increased the pace. Pulling her hips against his rhythm, he closed his eyes to fully appreciate the moment. She didn’t feel that different; she felt really good. He loved the sounds of her breaths quickening.

She bit her lower lip and cursed under her breath. He grunted as the pressure built inside of him again, and he thrust into her quicker, making sure he hit as deep as he could. He slid his finger against her clit, and she let out a groan. He cursed, pounding into her as the sound of her voice sent chills through him. He moved his finger faster, and her heels dug into his back as she bucked against him. His testicles pressed against her ass.

Groaning, she came against him, and he pumped into her as he shot his load with a curse. He held her against him as he made several extra thrusts. He pulled out and relaxed against her stomach.

“Was it all right?” he asked.

She nodded and curled her fingers through his hair. He kissed her stomach and she hooked her legs back around him. He watched her neutral expression and said, “It’s okay if you prefer the other stuff.”

“No, I really liked it,” she said.

He watched her carefully. Her nervous energy seemed to have faded, but something made him uneasy. He sat up and rubbed her stomach. “Come on, let’s lay back against the pillows.”

She grinned and they changed positions so she nuzzled into his chest. He wrapped one arm around her, absently rubbing her back. She asked, “Was I okay?”

He chuckled. “You were great. Felt really good.”

She smiled to herself and twisted her fingers through his chest hair. Exhaustion pulled down his eyelids. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Great,” she said. “Just get some sleep.”

He nodded and let sleep overwhelm him.

*

Blackwall paced in the barn. The Calling. Could he fake that? Did he fool them? Dani seemed satisfied with the answer that he ignored it, and she likely used it as a reason for him turning her down. He smoothed out his beard and stared at the wooden rocking griffon.

Dani depended on him, and he was sinking deeper into his role. The more she believed it, the more it would hurt if she found out. And something in the pit of his stomach whispered that it would be “when” rather than “if.” Did he even want to hide it? He wanted her to love him. He wanted to be Blackwall for her - that Warden recruiter she dreamed of meeting.

Was this it? He had been Blackwall for so long now, and Alistair seemed to accept him without any question. There would be no questions. He would face the Wardens and if they accepted him, he would just be Blackwall. Maybe Dani would never have to know Rainier. He could be what she wanted.

She didn’t have to know. 

But wouldn’t she want him to own up to his past mistakes?

She wouldn’t want him to be dead. 

But maybe she would after she found out.

He clenched his teeth in frustration and looked around for his blade. He’d smash that griffon to pieces. Who had he made it for, anyway?

“How did it go?” Cassandra asked.

He turned to see her standing in the entranceway of the barn. He smoothed out his hair and relayed the information. Cassandra folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the entranceway. “When were you going to mention the Calling to us?” she asked.

“I thought fighting demons until I died was just as good as Darkspawn,” Blackwall said.

Cassandra nodded. “But now you know it isn’t real.”

Blackwall watched her for a moment. Was she encouraging him to go after Dani? Or was he just hoping someone approved of them together? The corner of her lip rose to a smile and she asked, “Is she changing her team when she goes to the Western Approach?”

“If it wasn’t for Hawke, I’m sure Varric would switch out,” Blackwall said. “He’s already complaining about the sand. Dorian said he’s already looking forward to being somewhere dry.”

“And she wouldn’t switch you out.”

“I would like to see this through,” Blackwall said. 

He wanted to face the Wardens. He struggled with himself. He wanted to be a good person and do right by the Wardens and by Dani, but he was afraid. He was afraid of disappointing her, and he was afraid of being executed when she still needed him. He hated the idea of hanging helplessly when she still needed his shield - when there was still a battle to fight.

Blackwall would want to see this through. Blackwall recruited him into the Grey Wardens to fight these battles. He couldn’t back out now.

“Well, she knows where I am if she needs me,” Cassandra said. “Did I see a mabari come with you?”

“He’s Alistair’s,” Blackwall said. “He says he may be too old for this fight, and he wanted to keep him safe. Apparently it’s the Hero of Ferelden’s dog.”

Cassandra sighed. “I suppose Dani already loves it.”

“When this is over, she is more likely to move Alistair in than to move the dog out,” Blackwall said. “She babbled with Alistair too. Wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself when she met him.”

Cassandra’s smile surprised him, and she offered him a nod. “I’ll leave you to your business.”

She walked away, and Blackwall looked back to the rocking griffon. Right. His business of maybe smashing this thing to pieces. He decided to see if Sera was up for a drink instead.

*

Dani woke up. Fear ran down her spine and she felt the sheets, relieved when Varric mumbled under his breath and pulled the sheets tighter around him. She smiled and curled up around him. He squirmed a bit and she coiled her arms around his chest, tucking her legs under him and resting her head on top of his.

He’d said countless times to her that she could wake him up during the night if she needed anything, and she felt a little silly for simply wanting the physical reassurance of his presence. She didn’t need him to wake up.

He grumbled under his breath. She breathed him in, and for a moment she couldn’t believe she had someone to wrap her arms around in the middle of the night. He said, “It’s still dark out.”

“Sorry.”

“Go back to sleep.”

She nuzzled into his hair and squeezed him. He sighed and hugged her arms. She supposed he hated how large she was and how she could surround and smother him like this. Did he usually feel smothered by her? She tried to give him space.

He said, “Worrying isn’t going to solve anything. You’ve gotta sleep.”

“Easier said than done.”

He grumbled and squirmed in her arms. She loosened her grip and feared he was trying to pull away. He shifted slightly and pulled her arms back against him. She smiled into his hair. Alistair’s words burrowed into her, and the fear kissed up her spine again.

Dani said, “I don’t think you should go tomorrow. I’ll bring Cole instead. He might have insights I can use.”

“Fuck off, I’m going.”

“You’re worried about Hawke.”

“Yeah, I’m fucking worried about Hawke,” he said. “You don’t know her. She’s reckless, especially when people she loves are in danger. You’re the opposite. You’re cautious, and you’re so cautious you freeze up, afraid you’ll make a mistake.”

“Maybe we’ll balance each other out,” Dani said. “We’ll be all right. I’ll bring Cole.”

“I’m going,” he said, sharply. “Drop it.” She squeezed him, and he sighed, rubbing his face. He said, “Dani, I really want to sleep.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to argue.”

“All right.”

“So I’m going?”

She didn’t reply. They stayed in silence for a moment, and Dani considered that she was wide awake. Part of her wondered if she’d ever sleep again. There certainly wasn’t time for her to sleep. Varric said with just a hint of frustration, “What’s wrong?”

“You mean aside from the all the rifts and aside from the Grey Wardens and aside from-”

“Dani.”

She squeezed him as she rolled them both over to face the opposite direction. He pulled away enough to sit up, and she still loosely kept her arms around her waist. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. She supposed he accepted that he’d be awake for a bit longer.

He repeated with a bit more patience, “What’s bothering you?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

He laughed. He laughed really hard. It was a little insulting, really. He started to get settled back under the bedsheets.

She said, “What? I’m being serious.”

“Of course you are.”

“Please don’t laugh at me.”

He tried to cuddle back up with her, but she sat up. He hugged her thighs and said, “Come on, lay back down with me.”

“You’re not taking this seriously.”

“Of course I’m not,” Varric said. “Don’t forget everything I’ve been through. A little squabble with a bunch of Grey Wardens isn’t going to take me down.”

Dani stayed sitting up, and Varric settled for cuddling with her leg. He pressed his nose against her thigh. She ran a hand through her hair. She was afraid of losing Varric. She was afraid because he offered her so much, and she was afraid because she didn’t think anyone else ever would. It was selfish, but she’d never had anything like this before.

She thought of the Hero of Ferelden leaving Alistair behind to fight the Archdemon. She thought of the emptiness she imagined inside of him, threatening to eat him alive. She couldn’t bear to have that emptiness inside of her, and as she traced her fingers along Varric’s jaw, she worried about causing it in him.

He’d lost a large part of his brother, and it changed him. Varric hadn’t even liked him. He couldn’t lose Hawke. What would he do if he lost her too?

“In your stories, the woman always tells the man she loves him too soon and he pushes her away,” Dani said. “Is that because it happens to you a lot?”

Varric smiled against her. “Why? Do you want to tell me something, Dani?”

“No,” she said with a laugh.

He hesitated, and she heard the smile leave his voice as he said, “It’s because I said it too soon and it scared away a woman I loved. I write about it because I’m trying to understand it.”

“Oh.”

“Not the answer you wanted?”

“It’s not that,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. It was softer than hers. She continued, “I couldn’t imagine any woman turning away from you.”

“I have a lot of people I’d like you to tell that to.”

“I’m sure a blind, scarred, Tal-Vashoth telling them would make a really good impression,” Dani said with a laugh.

“A beautiful, blind, scarred, Herald of Andraste and Leader of the Inquisition would make a very good impression,” Varric said. “I’m an acquired taste, Dani. And I’m fickle. And not many people would make the exceptions for me that you have.”

“You mean letting you be the little spoon,” Dani said.

“Hey, you let me be the big spoon,” Varric said, “and that’s a big deal to me. But I mean how you respect my privacy and that I want things to stay private. I don’t know how you got us this amount of privacy-”

“I told Leliana that I didn’t want the advisors and my companions coming and going as they please,” Dani said, “and that I needed a little sliver of space to recharge without fear that she’s got her eye on me. So she makes sure I get a little hallway and room of privacy.”

“She’s not worried about someone coming into your room and assassinating you?”

“There are locks on the window, and there’s no way to really get on my balcony. They watch the entrances, but aside from that I get my privacy. Sure, you come into my room a lot, but so does Josephine and servants and countless others. But no one comes in when I say no. So no one thinks twice that you haven’t left yet when I do say that. Besides, they should have better things to do than to worry about who I’m sleeping with.”

“They should,” Varric said, “but people always like to gossip.”

“And I can understand that,” Dani said with a laugh. “I like it just as much as anyone, but I’ll respect that you don’t want to be the topic of gossip, unless it’s your books.”

He smiled and said, “I appreciate that.” She leaned back against the headboard, and he rubbed her legs. He propped his head up on her leg, using it as a pillow for a moment. He asked, “So, did our relationship keep you awake?”

“Oh no,” Dani said. “No, I’m happy with it - every part of it. I was just afraid of losing you, but I suppose I always will be.”

“And it occurs to you that I’m terrified of losing you.”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“It’s like you said, worrying isn’t going to change anything. I just - I can’t stop. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming being here. Not even being in charge, just - all this freedom. No one telling me how or when to do anything. And now people are trusting me to make the best choices and decisions and when there was a time when I had to be told to eat. There’s just so much. Of everything.”

“That’s why we have advisors for you,” Varric said, “and no one is going to hold your decisions against you. Cassandra and Cullen got over supporting the mages. And there’s nothing you can do to change the past - not without that, um, horrible magic we shouldn’t think about, anyway. Everything is going to be all right Dani, and, well, if it isn’t, neither of us will be alive to think about it.”

Dani laughed. “Reassuring thought.”

“And I know you’ll be safe because anyone who wants you will have to go through Cassandra or the Iron Bull or Blackwall to get to you, and none of them would let that happen,” Varric said. “You’ll always come home safe.”

Dani smiled and knitted her fingers in his hair. The thought of having to do this without him frightened her. She needed someone to reassure her in the middle of the night - sometimes, anyway.

“Are you still wide awake?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Put on a robe and go for a walk,” Varric said. “You’ll feel better.”

“You’re just trying to get me out of the bed so you can sleep,” Dani said.

“One of us has to get some sleep,” Varric said. “You can sleep in the caravan tomorrow.”

Varric released her as she stood up, and she threw a robe on. As she headed to the stairs, Varric said, “You’re forgetting something.”

She smiled and returned to him. She tried to give him a quick peck, and she was surprised when he pulled her in for a deeper kiss. He wrapped his arms around her neck and gently parted her lips as he kissed her. When he pulled away, she felt his smile against her lips. With heat still in her cheeks, she left her room.

She wasn’t sure if the kiss was comforting or not. She walked to reach the room above the library. She heard a quill against paper. “Leliana? Are you awake?”

“Yes Inquisitor. Did you need something?”

Dani smiled. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Please feel free to have a seat. The chair is still in the same place.”

Leliana often stood at her desk, and Dani walked to the chair and traced his fingers across the back of it before sitting down. Leliana had always made her feel comfortable similar to a way Varric had. She knew Leliana kept her at arm’s length, and her arms were longer than Varric’s. Still, she didn’t pry. She respected the Spymaster, and she heard she’d been a bard once. She wanted to hear a story or a song from her, but when she asked Leliana snapped at her, and she didn’t ask again.

“Zaeed is under my desk if you’ve been looking for him,” Leliana said. “I’m not sure he was happy about walking up all the stairs and is probably resting before he tries to make his way down.”

“Do you mind him? I didn’t even think to ask-”

“He’s fine here,” Leliana replied. “If anyone complains, I will look into a solution. He will be safe here until the Warden fetches him.”

“You called him Zaeed.”

“That’s his name, isn’t it?”

“It was once,” Dani said. “Alistair calls him Barkspawn now.”

Leliana didn’t respond immediately, and Dani felt her heart racing. “You’re the Orlesian bard that travelled with the Hero of Ferelden.” When Leliana didn’t reply, Dani said, “The Qunari you know as Sten is the Arishok. He told stories, and I overheard them.”

“I don’t suppose they were good stories.”

“He called your singing trivial, but he said it in such a way that suggested it wasn’t,” Dani replied. “I always wanted to hear it.”

“May I ask - did you find it hard to have desires when you were bound in that way?”

Dani hesitated. She knew people had questions for her, and she appreciated that people didn’t ask. Dani said, “You haven’t admitted you’re the bard.”

“I am,” Leliana said. “I will trade you a story for a story.”

Dani wanted the story. She wanted it desperately. She fidgeted and said, “I suppose you’ve done your fair share of watching people from the shadows.”

“Of course.”

Dani continued, “I suppose it was similar to that. I was inside a body, but I no longer had control of it. I was curled up inside of myself, and once I lost my eyes, I had nothing left to do but listen. I suppose it never occurred to them to take that away too. I always liked his voice - the Qunari you call Sten. It was confident, but when he spoke of Daniela, it carried a softness I hadn’t heard from a Qunari before. He cared for her, and maybe the others didn’t notice, but I did.

“And I always respected him. I suppose he would be disgusted by what I am now - I like to think he’d respect me, but those are just foolish fantasies - but I hardly blamed him for following the Qun. Neither of us knew anything else, and he was the one to rule. He never directly harmed me. One time he said, ‘This one’s a strong fighter,’ and I felt his hand on my shoulder. Someone else said that I was woman, and he said he knew that wouldn’t be a factor.

“Perhaps that doomed me - or perhaps it led to my escape - either way, he and his stories of Daniela gave me a small dream I didn’t have before. Most Saarebas lose the ability to think for themselves. They simply follow the Qun to a T. I knew I could choose, and even if I was just a presence inside a body I couldn’t control, I still wanted to choose. That was all I wanted.”

Dani laughed weakly and hugged herself. “Now choosing frightens me. Consequences frighten me. I suppose the novelty has worn off.”

“I think it’s good you understand the responsibility that comes with choice,” Leliana said. “And I suppose if you didn’t, you would not be the Inquisitor. You chose to seek out the chantry.”

“I was a mercenary for a while.”

“Most of us were,” Leliana said with a chuckle. “The novelty hasn’t worn off. You simply understand the responsibilities that come with every action or inaction, and you’re afraid because you have people depending on you. You are no longer alone. It’s healthy to be afraid of that much responsibility. Anyone we would want in your position would be.”

“Perhaps not as afraid as I am,” Dani said. “Perhaps with a bit more confidence.”

She was surprised when she felt Leliana’s hand touch hers. Leliana squeezed it and she said, “You’re doing fine, Inquisitor.”

Dani smiled, and for a moment all the fears were pushed away. Leliana drew her hand away. Leliana, a companion of the Hero of Ferelden, thought she was doing fine. They’d argued before, and Dani had always preferred Josephine to her, but finding her in the future gave Dani a lot more understanding of the type of person Leliana was, and she tried to give her more patience.

“Mother Giselle tells me you believe that Andraste pulled you out of the fade,” Leliana said.

Dani wondered if she was trying to avoid telling her a story in exchange. She said, “Yes. I have some doubt, of course, but given that everything has happened, I think I was there for a reason. For me to be in the right place at the right time, considering where I could have been otherwise, and then finding everyone after falling with the Archdemon - I believe that She was with me.”

“You can’t imagine it has everything to do with your own personal strength?”

“I don’t see myself being able to do this alone. I may be physically strong, but finding my way back to everyone - no, I was exhausted. I am not a good judge of direction, and I am not lucky.”

“But how did you escape your fate as a Saarebas?” Leliana asked.

Dani tilted her hands downwards and hugged herself. She didn’t want to tell that story. She didn’t want to think about it. She wondered if she could tell it to Varric once, and if he could turn it into a story someone would actually want to hear.

“Our deal was a story for a story,” Dani said.

“What do you want to know?” Leliana asked.

Dani stayed hugging herself. She wanted to know everything, but she didn’t want to share anything more. She was suddenly very tired. Choices. She softly said, “I don’t know.”

“I picked Sten’s lock,” Leliana said. “Daniela tried to negotiate for his release, but he had slaughtered so many people, she couldn’t get it. Daniela had seen a prisoner at Ostagar get killed by Darkspawn because no one had freed him when they overwhelmed the area. She wasn’t going to let that happen to him.

“Alistair and I thought she was insane for letting him out. Morrigan was furious when she found out,” Leliana added with a laugh. “But I suppose Daniela saw something in him worth saving, and he remained loyal to her - more loyal than one of the others. When I saw you in chains as Cassandra interrogated you, I thought of him. It was an interesting contrast. He was guilty of his crimes. He didn’t have any shame, but he admitted he deserved his fate.

“You were scared and sad. You didn’t have any shame, perhaps some guilt, but we realized quickly it was because you couldn’t save anyone. I’m not sure why I thought of him when I saw you like that, but I could hear Daniela telling me to give you a second chance. I thought of how much I enjoyed Sten’s company - I called him a softie and he hated it - and I thought Daniela (or the Daniela inside my head) may have been right about you too.”

“And was she?”

“Of course she was,” Leliana said. “I liked Sten. Alistair too. He liked Zaeed and Daniela. He argued with her and she simply politely told him he was wrong, which I suppose infuriated him. But he was a strong, devoted fighter. I was glad he saw everything through to the end with us. You could see the stoic pride in him when Daniela asked him to stay at her side until the end.”

“I heard she didn’t pick Alistair out of fear he’d sacrifice himself for her.”

“Which he planned to do,” Leliana said. “It was perhaps a foolish choice for her to die in his stead, but hearing of his journeys now, he has grown into himself, I think. Regardless, I think Dani picked who she felt would either survive or wouldn’t be missed.”

“And you were one of them?” Dani asked, disbelieving.

“She thought the Maker had spoken to me,” Leliana said. “She thought I needed to be there, and maybe I did. She brought Sten along because his entire party had died, and she knew if he died, he would be honoured by the Qunari for fighting until the end. And she brought Wynne, an old mage who a spirit kept alive. Solas would like her, and I think you would as well. She would certainly treasure you.”

“Did everyone else survive?” Dani asked.

“Yes,” Leliana replied. “It was close with the archdemon, but we survived. And, you know, some believed she did as well.”

“Really?” Dani asked.

“They say she rebuilt the forces at Vigil’s Keep. There are Grey Wardens who swear to have met her there, one of them being Hawke’s Anders - though he isn’t exactly a trustworthy sort. It is interesting because the records all show she was there, and Queen Anora herself has made private claims to have seen her there.”

Dani sat forward. “So you believe there is some truth to it?”

“If there is,” Leliana said, “she could not still be alive. She must have died defending Vigil’s Keep.”

“Why?”

“I do not believe that she would live her life without Alistair,” Leliana said. “And I like to think she would have written me at least one letter. A former companion of mine wrote to me saying he was working with her again, but he took to drink and I didn’t take it seriously until I heard the other claims. The odd thing is no one thought it was odd to see her there. Perhaps no one believed she truly died.”

“And you don’t know if there’s any truth to it?”

“I only know what people claim,” Leliana said, “and I only know she is not here now. Do I believe she would rise out of the stone to fight the Darkspawn? If anyone did, it would be her.”

Dani nodded. It was such a strange rumour, and for some reason it made her heart pound. Perhaps she herself had died and this was her second chance. Perhaps she would vanish once it was all done.

“Is that a satisfying payment?” Leliana asked. “The stories about Sten, I mean.”

“Yes, thank you,” Dani said, standing up. “I won’t take up anymore of your time.”

“Before you go, I would like to give you a piece of advice. You can feel free to ignore it, of course.”

“I will listen,” Dani said.

“Please don’t rely too heavily on the one you share your bed with,” Leliana said. “He is not strong enough to stay that close to you when something reminds him of the severity of the situation.”

“Why would you think that?”

“He can’t handle anymore guilt on his shoulders,” Leliana said, a bit flippantly. “He won’t be able to hold himself upright.”

Dani took a moment to process it, but she brushed it off. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention,” she said, walking away.

As she walked down the stairs, she hugged herself again. She wasn’t sure she’d ever fall asleep again.

*

Dani slept with her head in Varric’s lap in the caravan. They travelled with supplies for the Western Approach, and Varric was relieved she finally slept. He rested his hand on her head, stroking her hair as she slept like the dead. He should have cared if Dorian and Blackwall thought something was between them, but he didn’t. He was exhausted too, and he knew he would fall asleep sitting up at some point in their journey. For now, he would enjoy Dani’s company.

The conversation from the night before unsettled him. He remembered when he first started talking to Dani, he told her to run away because it wouldn’t end well. When did he start fooling himself into thinking it would? He learned Dani was a survivor like Hawke. They both clawed their way into survival and carved a life for themselves.

But Hawke had a stronger will than Dani, or maybe Hawke never bothered to show a weak side to him. He’d seen Dani afraid and worried in the moonlight when there was no direct threat. Every choice she made weighed down on her, and she’d carried a lot of weight on her shoulders before, but he suspected it was nothing compared to this.

She twitched in her sleep and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“She all right?” Blackwall asked.

Varric couldn’t exactly tell him she’d been sleeping poorly for weeks. He said, “She told me she couldn’t sleep last night. Asked if she could use me as a pillow.”

“You don’t seem to mind,” Blackwall said.

“I don’t,” Varric said. 

“I heard she was walking around late last night,” Dorian said. “It’s nice to know someone else paces at night.”

It occurred to Varric that he didn’t have enough of himself to give. The first time Dani woke him up for support, he wasn’t eager to help, despite him saying otherwise. He was afraid of what he’d become if something happened to her. And he was afraid it wouldn’t be death. He was afraid something would twist inside of her and she would become something else. He’d seen enough mutations with the red lyrium. Would something like that happen to her?

He had wanted to keep distance from her. He didn’t need another Hawke in his life. He was an observer, a writer. He liked getting in on the action, sure, but he never wanted a starring role. 

He looked at Blackwall and then quickly looked away as he realized Blackwall stared openly at him. He wondered if Blackwall would seek her out after the Calling stopped. He wondered if Dani would prefer Blackwall to him. Shame twisted inside of him as he realized he felt relief at the thought. Toss the burden onto someone else.

He wished he met Dani under other circumstances. He wished she’d been the Saarebas Hawke and he had saved – despite how much he hadn’t wanted to help back then. He wished they’d met then and she’d accepted freedom with them. Anders would heal her as he slowly pulled the stitches from her thick, beautiful lips. And she’d have taken Hawke’s side to defend the mages, he couldn’t imagine she wouldn’t have, but she would have been his. His apostate to hide and care for. With no other responsibilities or concerns.

Her choices could just be her choices. She wouldn’t have to fear repercussions beyond what it would do to them as a pair, and he doubted she’d ever get them into trouble he couldn’t sort out. There’d been enough Qunari in Kirkwall at the time; it likely would have been easy to hide her without anyone thinking she was a mage.

He watched her face and he wondered if it would be glaringly obvious if he wrote a book about it.

Maybe writing it would make him feel better.

*

Dani thought she would have felt better when she got to Skyhold, but she didn’t. A growing numbness spread through her. She found it increasingly difficult to process the words others spoke to her. The advisors drowned her in questions of what happened and now she had the Grey Wardens under her wing even though those who heard the stories no longer trusted them. They’d prove the doubters wrong. She knew that.

Despite everything, she loved them dearly.

And as Barkspawn approached her in the hallway outside the room with the War Table, she wanted to weep openly. The poor dog outlived another master. She knelt down beside him and pet him fiercely. He leaned against her, panting happily.

“I’m so sorry for letting you down,” she said.

He still panted.

“Please forgive me,” she said.

She could feel the tears building. She was thankful she wore the blindfold to hold them back. Barkspawn licked the side of her face as she hugged him. For a moment it felt good to feel something, despite it being an overwhelming sense of guilt and loss. He leaned his head against her shoulder and sniffed her ear. He licked it and she released him. He nuzzled her ear once more before leaving. She supposed he went to see Leliana, and she wondered how Leliana felt. It seemed like she barely reacted when she told her the news.

Perhaps time had weakened their friendship.

With Barkspawn gone, she found her feelings leaving her again. 

“Are you busy?”

Varric. She said, “I’m just sitting on the floor.”

“Hawke told me what happened.”

The memories flashed through her. She held the spider demon with a lightning cage. She told them to run. She told them to escape. They argued as her energy drained. Hawke thought she should stay. Alistair thought he should. Dani wanted to stay. She told them to run. The spider shook off the cage.

They forced her to choose.

For a moment she wished she was still a Saarebas.

No, she didn’t.

Yes, she did.

She remembered what Alistair told her about Daniela. She remembered the hole he felt. She remembered the story Leliana told her, about how Daniela - or a shadow of her - was at Vigil’s Keep. She thought maybe they’d find each other again. She hoped Alistair would forgive Daniela for leaving him behind with the Archdemon, and she hoped Daniela would forgive her for letting him die for her. 

He told her to take care of Barkspawn.

And she and Hawke left. She didn’t want to leave Hawke behind. Anders needed her. Bethany needed her. Most importantly, Varric needed her. She wouldn’t let Varric down.

Varric said, “Well?”

“I knew if I didn’t choose, it would kill all of us.”

He was quiet for a moment. She wondered why he didn’t touch her. She wanted to crawl out to meet him, but she was afraid he’d pull away. He said, “Was I a factor in the decision?”

“Yes, but not the only one,” Dani said.

“You mean, in choosing to tell Alistair to stay behind.”

“Yes.”

“I meant, was I factor when you decided to stay and save the other two?” Varric asked.

Dani hesitated before honestly replying, “I didn’t think of anything in that moment. It was a threat, and I needed to protect them.”

“But they told you that you were still needed to close the rifts. They told you that your story didn’t end there.”

“Not in so many words. Hawke swore at me a lot,” Dani said, laughing weakly.

“Damn it, Dani, what were you thinking?”

His words cut. The anger in is voice frightened her. “I wasn’t.”

“Well, you need to start fucking thinking.”

“I was never taught I could,” Dani said. “My instincts in a situation like that are to act selflessly. I can be replaced-”

“But you can’t. You can’t be replaced.”

Dani flinched. She hadn’t heard him this angry before. She was scared. She wanted him to touch her, give her any sign that everything would be all right. She needed it.

“I didn’t think,” she repeated.

She could offer no other explanation or comfort. She hung her head. She wanted to lie on the floor. She wanted to hold him against her.

“You can’t sleep at night because you can’t stop thinking and then when something like this happens -” he let out a noise in frustration, and she heard him pace. She would let him yell and he would soften and forgive her and then he would touch her. Then everything would be fine. He said, “You’re right. At least you acted. At least you made a decision.”

She smiled.

He said, “I don’t think I can do this.”

“What?”

“Dani, I can’t be that guy. I can’t watch you do all these things and know I’m always going to be a lower priority.”

“You want me to put the fate of our relationship before the fate of our world?”

“Yeah,” Varric said, “and I know that’s not realistic, so that’s why I don’t think I can do this. I can’t be second to the fate of everything. I can’t have that on my shoulders.”

She wished Leliana had told her before everything started. She wished she’d saved her from even knowing what being with him - or anyone - would be like. She didn’t think she’d ever find anyone else. Who else would want her?

Varric continued, “I know I’m kicking you when you’re down, but I just - I can’t, Dani. I can’t pretend I can do this.”

What was she supposed to say to that? She couldn’t exactly say he should try to tough it out for her. It was too much to ask. It was too much of a responsibility to be her partner. 

She told herself to stand up as she crawled deep into her body like she had when she was a Saarebas. She pretended someone else gave her commands as she said, “Okay, I understand.”

Her body stood up.

“I’m really sorry,” Varric said. “I know it’s not fair.”

“No, I understand,” she said, walking down the hallway.

She didn’t want to make any more decisions. She just needed the silence and comfort of solitude. Varric said, “Dani-”

She opened the door that led to Josephine’s office. She told her she needed some time and requested not to be disturbed. Josephine was as accommodating as always. Dani wasn’t sure at what point Varric stopped following her, but she locked her bedroom door behind her and collapsed on her bed.

She abandoned her body. She fled inside of herself.


	6. Chapter 6

He only heard silence on the other side of the door. Normally he would hear a quiet voice inside of her asking for solitude, but now he heard nothing. There was a presence, certainly, but the presence carried no thoughts, feelings, hopes, or fears. It was an empty shell.

And that frightened him.

He knew Dani had always been a little bit uneasy around him. Not because of what he was, she encouraged him to behave how he wanted, though she took Varric’s side when he had to decide what path in life he wanted to take. He didn’t regret it, but now his own feelings were more complicated. Another layer to deceiver and sift through. 

His silence made her uneasy. She couldn’t get a good sense of where he was, and even though both Varric and Sera could carry their feet like he could, they spoke more often and announced their presence and carried odours that Dani could recognize. He could move around her in complete invisibility, and he was not always the best at announcing his presence. He often startled her, and she tried not to get aggravated, but he could feel it building inside of her.

And he knew he made her afraid. Not the same fear that some of the others felt around him. Once she had fought a dragon with Bull, Blackwall, and himself. The dragon had knocked him unconscious, and Dani couldn’t find him on the battlefield to revive him. Bull’s body always carried a special weight when he fell – easy to sense with sound or through the way the earth moved. Blackwall never seemed to fall – hard to imagine a human standing longer than a Qunari like Bull – but Blackwall was less reckless and better armoured. Even if he had fallen, and Cole hadn’t seen nor heard of it yet, Dani would be able to tell by the sound of his armour.

When he fell, he made less noise than a leaf dropping to the ground, and she couldn’t get a sense of where he was. Her memories of it swarmed over him. The darkness. The heat of the dragon. The way the earth moved with its every step. He awoke with her warm touch on his face, and his first vision upon revival was of her carefully turning her head as the dragon’s tail tried to knock her over. She hoisted him into her arms, sliding them both out of the way as the dragon tried to step on them.

She handed him a potion as her warm barrier enveloped them both. The two warriors drew the dragon away as he regained his breath. He could feel her fear knitting through him. Afraid she’d lost him. Afraid she hadn’t been fast enough. Afraid she wasn’t even holding the right corpse.

“Thank you, Inquisitor,” he said softly.

Relief crossed her face. She hugged him. Tight. Rough. He hadn’t experienced it before. Her affection for him filled her. He’d felt her affection for other people, but for him? He understood that both Solas and Varric enjoyed his company in different ways, but this pure affection – it was something else.

Awe.

He was in complete awe of her feelings and emotions. He knew this Tal-Vashoth to be full of trauma, fear, hate, and hurt, but there was never a way he could fix it. The people who could be hurt were already dead. The fear she felt was just too conceptual for it to be fought. She had very few pleasant memories he could recreate for her. And despite all of these feelings, she was still filled with love. Love for her inner circle. Love for the strangers around her. Love for the world in which she lived. And now, he realized, love for him.

He knew it was only a moment on the battlefield. Not even a minute, perhaps. She released him and he charged back into the fray. Lightning struck various weak points on the dragon’s joints. He turned around to look back at Dani. She couldn’t see him, but she was maybe one of the few that really did see him. It had never really been a desire of his, to be seen and understood, but it felt good that this one blind and aching Tal-Vashoth, did. 

And now he felt a hole on the other side of the door. A shell of the woman he knew. There were no memories for him to help her relieve. There was no fear to overcome.

There was nothing on the other side of the door.

He pressed his hand against the Inquisitor’s chamber door, waiting for a sign of true life, but he retreated when he felt none. He walked into Solas’ room to find him reading absently at his desk. “I don’t feel the Inquisitor in her room,” he said.

Solas looked up from his book with a furrowed brow. “What do you mean?”

“I reached out to her, but her body was unresponsive,” he replied. “I don’t believe she’s sleeping.”

Solas sat and thought on this. He tried to be patient as he watched the elf consider what may be the cause of this. “Perhaps it’s a result of being in the fade,” Solas said, “though none of the others show any sign of this.”

“What can we do?” he asked.

“Wait,” Solas replied, turning back to his book. “Unless you want to pick the lock on her door and we take a look.”

He remembered startling her once in her room. She politely asked that he always knocked and waited for a response before entering. Even if she may be in trouble, it felt strange to betray her request. And he knew Solas wanted him to pick the lock. He wanted to see her just as much as he did. But something about it made him uneasy. Maybe it was that Solas’ concern didn’t feel as strong as his own, or maybe it was that Solas carried too much curiosity about what could have happened. He left without a word and tracked Varric down. 

Frustration and hurt leaked off of the dwarf. It was easy to find him. He was hunched over a table, writing quickly. He felt the Inquisitor all over him. His anger and fear. His love. All of it mixed into a confusing muddle he tried to push deep down inside of him, but easily spilled out to those who looked for it.

“The Inquisitor-“

Varric jumped and slipped with his quill. He cursed and asked, “Could you wear a bell or something?”

“The Inquisitor is in her chambers, but she’s not responding.”

“She probably wants to be left alone,” Varric replied, looking over his paper.

“Please,” he replied. “The Inquisitor is in her chambers, but I don’t sense her.”

Varric smudged ink onto his forehead as he pushed a few strands out of his face to better see the page. He wasn’t listening.

“She’s there, but I can’t find her essence. I can’t feel anything from her.”

“Maybe she’s sleeping.”

“I can still sense her then, I can’t now.”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Varric said. “Maybe she’s giving her mind a vacation.”

He knew unease built up in the dwarf in seconds. He was worried. Why lie? “You care about her,” he replied. “Please help me find what to do.”

“I don’t know what to do, kid,” Varric said. “I’m sure she’ll snap out of it.”

“It’s been three days since anyone has seen her.”

Varric didn’t reply. He found it frustrating. He knew Varric pushed her away because he was afraid of being hurt. He saw the countless ways Varric pictured her death – sacrificial or in the heat of battle. He saw Varric visiting his brother who was under the care of an expensive team of support workers. Barely responsive. Barely making sense. For a second he saw Dani in Varric’s brother’s place.

He found the contrast between Varric and Blackwall interesting. Blackwall pushed her away because he was afraid of hurting her. Blackwall didn’t like him picking up on his feelings, so he tried to keep his distance, but he still picked up things, particularly when they travelled together. Fear drove them both away from her. 

Sera didn’t push her away, but her affection for Blackwall put a bit of distance between them. She didn’t flirt first anymore. She sided with a friend she didn’t expect to find. She didn’t want to lose Blackwall or Dani, and she was satisfied with the Inquisitor’s friendship. She didn’t need anything more from her, and she found enough interests elsewhere to keep her occupied.

He hadn’t checked if they were worried about Dani. He waited with Varric for another moment. He knew the dwarf wanted to act – wanted to do something, but he stayed facing his page. Varric thought of the Saarebas Hawke and he watched kill itself to comply with the Qun. He hadn’t wanted to help the Saarebas. Thought it’d lead to too much trouble. And perhaps he’d been right. He could have gone without seeing its death.

Varric wondered if he should have done the same with Dani. Avoided her. Kept her at arm’s length. Participate with the Inquisition, but avoid the Inquisitor best he could.

He watched Varric as Varric thought of wrapping his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. Another love he lost.

Varric looked up to him and asked, “What are you waiting for me to do?”

He watched him for a moment. Was it anger? Frustration? Fear? Hope? Varric was legitimately asking. He wanted to know. He wanted a direction.

He left Varric with that question in the air. He would seek out Blackwall and Sera, but he would check the Inquisitor’s door first to see if anything had changed.

*

Something had happened. Dani hadn’t been seen for three days. Blackwall looked out the window of Sera’s room at the Keep. “Decisions wore her down,” Sera said. “But is she eating?”

“I don’t know,” Blackwall said.

“How long do you suppose a Qunari can go without eating?” Sera asked.

“Over a week,” Bull said, lowering his head to step into Sera’s room. “So neither of you have an idea of what’s up with the boss?”

Sera’s room looked notably smaller now that the Qunari filled the space. “No idea,” Blackwall said. “She usually came to me after a mission to check to see if I had any additional insights. She never came to me.”

“None of us saw her either,” the Iron Bull said. “She must feel guilty about that Grey Warden.”

“Worried,” Sera said, fidgeting with her hair. “Maybe shouldn’t be.”

“Can we check on her?” Blackwall asked. “Has anyone tried just knocking on her door?”

“Dorian has,” Bull said. “Cole is muttering under his breath, but no one’s deciphering it let alone knowing if it’s relevant to Dani. Haven’t seen him at all today.”

“And Dorian had no response?” Blackwall asked.

“None,” Bull said. “Vivienne said she tried, but also couldn’t get any sign of life. Cassandra’s telling us not to worry, that it was a big strain and she needs time to process it. Dorian tried to go in; he said the door was locked.”

But Blackwall was worried. They had forced her to choose who to leave to their death, two people she admired for their strength. It would have been kinder for them to decide amongst themselves to keep that off of her conscience. The weight of the entire mission was likely too heavy for her.

“Might be able to pick the lock,” Sera said.

“She might be really angry with us for invading her privacy,” Blackwall said.

Bull said, “We could tell her we wanted to make sure someone hadn’t assassinated her.”

Blackwall smoothed out his beard. He wanted to know if she was all right, but he wondered who should go talk to her. His first choice would have been Varric, but he noticed the dwarf hadn’t been around much. He had seen him writing around the Keep, and each time he saw him, he moved to a more isolated area of the keep.

He wondered if they weren’t speaking. He couldn’t remember if they’d spoken on the trip back.

Sera said to Blackwall, “Want to know if she’s all right. What do we do?”

*

Cassandra thought they were all over-reacting. Dani was a tough Tal-Vashoth. She needed proper time to mourn. But when Cassandra asked around to see if anyone knew if she was eating, she realized no one was. She doubted Dani had gone three days without food. Nonetheless, she carried a plate of food as Sera picked the lock on her door.

“This is idiotic,” she said.

“We’ll feel better,” Blackwall said.

“Blame us,” Dorian said.

“You can tell her that we sent you because we thought she’d be least likely to electrocute you if she was angry,” Bull said.

“Read to her,” Cole said.

Cassandra hadn’t noticed Cole had joined their party, let alone when. She raised her brow at him, a question on her tongue, as Sera said, “Got it.”

Cassandra knocked, and when she heard no response, she opened the door and closed it behind her. “Inquisitor, those fools sent me to make sure you’re eating. I apologize for disturbing you.”

She received no response.

“Inquisitor?”

She hurried up the last few steps and found Dani’s room empty. She set down the plate and checked the rooms and the upper level. She stood there for a moment, wondering where she’d gone, when she saw her long legs on the balcony.

Cassandra went back down and found her sitting in the corner of the balcony. Cassandra thought she looked like she’d lost her soul. Her limbs were limp. Her expression was neutral. Cassandra said, “Inquisitor?”

When there was no response, she snapped her fingers next to her ear. There was still no sign of life. She pressed her hand against Dani’s chest and relaxed as she felt a heartbeat. She was alive, but what now? She clearly had moved and dealt with bodily functions. She had enough food in her room that she likely snacked.

But she operated without any real thoughts.

She walked back down the stairs and opened the door slightly. She said to the five who waited, “She’s fine, but she still needs some time. I will stay here for a bit longer and hopefully you can see her later.”

“Should we wait?” Blackwall asked.

“I’ll fetch you all if she wants company,” Cassandra said.

That seemed to dissipate the crowd. Cassandra closed the door and stood inside, watching Dani’s body for a moment. She looked through Dani’s nightstand, considering Cole’s suggestion, and found a copy of ‘Swords and Shields’. She smiled and wondered why she had it, but she grabbed it and moved out to the balcony.

She sat down next to her and said, “I realize I might not be as energetic as Varric, but the writing mostly speaks for itself.”

So she started to read. She noticed subtle changes in Dani’s body. It shifted closer to her. Her head tilted towards her. Cassandra accepted these small movements, and she smiled as the knuckles of Dani’s hand brushed up against her leg. As the sun set, Cassandra stopped reading, and Dani grabbed her as Cassandra stood up.

It was a small grab at first, her fingers on her pants, but when Cassandra continued to walk away, both of her arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her back. For a split second fear hit Cassandra. She wasn’t sure how much of Dani was left inside the body – and it was a big, strong body. She sharply said, “Inquisitor, release me.”

She did.

When she turned back to face her, her body was limp. It was as if someone had tossed a doll in the corner of the balcony. Cassandra softly said, “I am getting a lantern so I can read you the rest.”

Dani’s hand raised and her palm burst into flame. Cassandra said, “Thank you, but a lantern will provide better light.”

Dani stood up and the licking fire transformed into a ball of bulging electricity. Cassandra’s eyes widened as the ball rose up into the air, growing at a distressing rate. She heard it crackle and saw new sparks emitting off of it. She shielded her eyes as the light grew sharp, and with a loud crash of thunder, the sky lit up as if it was day.

Cassandra looked out. “What on-?”

It faded into night again. Dani gripped the edge of the balcony to steady herself. Cassandra moved under her other arm, shifting Dani’s weight onto herself. She felt Dani’s ribs against her arm. Cassandra noted she’d been losing weight for a while and no one had noticed. She couldn’t have lost that much weight in only a few days. She wrapped her arm around her and moved Dani back inside. She set Dani down into a chair and moved the plate of food in her lap.

“Eat,” Cassandra said with the same force as her other demand.

Dani began to eat mechanically. Relief passed through Cassandra.. She understood that both the fire and the electric burst were spells she knew to create light. So Cassandra lit the lantern and pulled a chair next to Dani’s. Before she could read again, the bedroom door opened.

“Dani! Darling!” Vivienne said.

Cassandra didn’t bother to hide her frustration. Vivienne stormed in and cupped Dani’s cheeks in her hands. “I just heard that Cassandra had broken into your room. I can’t believe they’d keep this from me,” Vivienne said.

She moved the plate onto a nightstand and stroked Dani’s hair. “Oh Darling, tell me you’re all right.”

Dani loosely wrapped her arms around Vivienne. Her voice was hoarse as she said, “I’m all right.”

Cassandra wasn’t sure if it was the demand that Vivienne made of her, or if the mage had actually made progress. Vivienne talked about how worried she was, but Dani’s hand shook as she pointed to Cassandra.

Vivienne asked, “What do you want, darling?”

The finger on Dani’s hand curled back away and her hand shook as she slowly drew it back into her lap. She rested her head under Vivienne’s and folded her arms against her. The Tal-Vashoth shook as if an unseen specter tormented her. Vivienne wrapped her arms lightly around Dani, watching her with surprise. Cassandra said, “I was reading to her.”

Vivienne was silent for a moment and then looked back to Dani. She hugged her tightly and said, “Then you better go back to reading.”

Cassandra smiled weakly, and Vivienne moved into Dani’s lap as Cassandra sat back down. An absent smile crossed Dani’s face as she rested her head against Vivienne’s chest. Vivienne hugged her shoulders. Cassandra returned to reading and was suddenly thankful for Vivienne’s interruption. 

The other woman no longer asked Dani any questions, but she grabbed the plate and pressed Dani’s hand to it. Dani slowly started to eat without any order, and over the next few chapters, Vivienne managed to coax a few observations on the story out of Dani. Cassandra saw glimpses of the Dani she knew in the Inquisitor’s body, and she retreated into herself less as the night wore on.

Dani requested that she sleep, but that someone stayed with her. Neither woman would leave her, and as Dani crawled under the sheets, Vivienne sprawled out beside her and stroked her hair. Cassandra stayed sitting in a chair, but had pulled it closer to the bed. When they were certain Dani was asleep, Vivienne asked, “What do you suppose happened to her?”

“Something must have snapped,” Cassandra said. “She must have thought she was being treated as an object rather than as a person and got locked in what she believed we wanted - a Saarebas. Or perhaps she was afraid of having to make another choice and retreated back into a form when she didn’t have to make choices. Or perhaps it was both. Usually we speak with her after an event like this, but she must have wanted to be alone, not realizing she would shut down like this.”

“But she’s out now.”

“I believe so,” Cassandra said.

“We keep this to ourselves, correct? We help her out of it and we do not worry the others.”

“Of course,” Cassandra replied, nodding.

Vivienne offered her a smile and continued to stroke Dani’s hair. Cassandra relaxed in her chair and propped her head up with her hand.

*

Blackwall found Varric tucked away at a desk, writing in a dark corner. He kept a candle lit as the daylight didn’t reach his corner. As he approached, Varric flipped over the page he wrote on. Blackwall said, “I would like to know what happened.”

Varric looked at the ink of his fingers and said, “At the end of Hard in Hightown?”

Blackwall thinned his lips. He knew Varric had said something to upset Dani, and he hardly wanted to blame him for it. He just needed to know what was done so he wouldn’t make the same mistake. He doubted the others noticed how Varric withdrew from them. He made enough appearances and bought enough drinks to give himself a solid presence without actually being present for long.

Blackwall only noticed because he watched Dani. Varric and she never seemed to be in the same room. Varric would duck out without a word, and he knew sometimes Dani tried to figure out if the dwarf was with them without explicitly asking for him. 

He knew something had happened to Dani too. Her party always had either Cassandra or Vivienne in it. It became an assumption, and Dani was often seen lounging with Vivienne or training with Cassandra. Even the stoic Cassandra seemed to always find words to say to Dani.

Blackwall wondered if Dani couldn’t be in silence. He knew, too, that someone woke her up each morning. It was sometimes Josephine, but Vivienne or Cassandra often took this task as well. He wondered if Dani had lost some concept of time. Perhaps being in the fade shifted something inside of her and the two hid it.

Sera told him he thought too much. Dani seemed fine.

Blackwall didn’t respond to Varric. He leaned his back against his desk, facing the way he came, and said, “I watched Cassandra and Dani trained one day. Cassandra’s been showing her how to use a sword - Maker knows why - and someone called Cassandra away. Dani swung a few more times and then just stood there. She held the sword loosely, and it hung limp at her side. She looked like a husk. Then Cassandra called out to her, and life filled her again.”

Varric rubbed his hands together and frowned as he saw the ink spreading. Blackwall watched him, but Varric didn’t raise his eyes. He said, “I don’t know anything about that. I haven’t spoken to her since we got back.”

“What did the advisors tell her?”

“They said without Alistair the Grey Wardens were completely disorganized. It fell to the Inquisition to help them restore order within themselves,” Varric said. 

“So if she had sacrificed Hawke instead, there wouldn’t be as much trouble in the Grey Warden ranks,” Blackwall said. “What would we have lost if she had sacrificed Hawke?”

“The champion of Kirkwall,” Varric said. He hesitated and then said, “A friend of mine.”

“I’m not here to blame you,” Blackwall said. “I want to know what you told her so I never make the same mistake.”

Varric seemed to struggle with himself, and Blackwall wondered if whatever he heard would actually be the truth. The dwarf did lie often, after all. Varric said, “She took me into consideration when she saved Hawke. I wasn’t the only factor, but I was a factor. I was angry about it.”

“So you told her that?”

“Yes,” Varric said, “and I was also angry because she had wanted to stay. She told the other two to leave so she could fight instead. When I confronted her about it, we got into a fight. I was just scared of losing her.”

Blackwall nodded. Varric didn’t want Alistair’s death on his shoulders, and he hardly blamed him. He said, “We’re all scared of losing her.”

“Yes, and I’m not the only one pushing her away because of it,” Varric sharply said. “Now if you would kindly draw your nose out of my business-”

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing anyone will ever see,” Varric said.

“May I ask-”

“No.”

Blackwall said, “I was going to ask why you were avoiding Dani.”

“The answer’s still ‘no.’”

Blackwall waited. He was in no rush to wander around, and he thought Varric might tell him something else just to get him to leave. Instead Varric asked, “Is she still in Crestwood?”

“I think so,” Blackwall said. “A soldier delivered a message that they closed the rift a couple days ago. So she’s either tying up loose ends in Crestwood or she’s travelling back.”

“Who’d she take?”

“Cole, Solas, and Cassandra,” Blackwall said. “I notice she’s been using Sera and Cole more.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know,” Varric said. “If I didn’t feel like I had to see this through, I would have left with Hawke.”

“Would you have?”

“I don’t know,” Varric said. “I have shit to do, Blackwall.”

Blackwall raised his hands defensively and walked away. He walked through the library looking for Dorian. He hoped to relay any information to him so Dorian could help him piece it together. Dorian thought something had happened to Dani as well, and the two wanted to take precautions to make sure it didn’t happen again. Whenever they questioned Bull, he refused to offer any information, but both Dorian and Blackwall had noticed his growing concern.

He walked out onto the balcony overreaching the hall, looking over in the hopes of spotting Dorian walking around. He wished everyone would loiter in the same place so he didn’t have to spend half his day just trying to find someone.

“Are you looking for something, darling?”

Blackwall turned around to see Vivienne. She offered him a sharp smile. The way she said “darling” to him was totally different than the way she said it to Dani. He liked her saying it to Dani, and he hated it when she said it to him.

He considered lying, but he said, “Dorian.”

“Funny. Dorian was looking for you,” she replied.

“Do you know which way he went?”

“No,” Vivienne said, joining him at the railing.

Blackwall noticed Josephine walk by and look up, and Vivienne offered her a wave. She nodded and walked towards the stairwell. Blackwall said, “I’ll go then.”

Vivienne said, “This is a good lookout point. He may come through the hall again.”

“But this would be the last place he looks for me if he’s already been here,” Blackwall said.

Josephine reached the top of the stairs and said, “I’ve been looking for you.”

Blackwall asked, “Me?”

He looked at Vivienne who gave him a smile, and he worried he walked into a trap. Josephine said, “We need to discuss the Orlesian ball.”

Blackwall laughed. “I can’t imagine why.”

“Before she sought out the Grey Wardens in the Western Approach, Dani compiled a list of the people she would bring with her to the Orlesian Ball, and you were on the list.”

“Me?” Blackwall asked. Fear hit him. He couldn’t go to Orlais. He said, “You can’t possibly be serious. Why would she bring me?”

“Perhaps she wanted to torture you,” Josephine said. “I just know who is on the list, and we need to discuss something.”

Blackwall said, “Who else is on the list?”

“Sera and Varric.”

Vivienne said, “Wait, I’m not on the list?”

Josephine shrugged. “She said Varric and Sera.”

Blackwall said, “You can trade with me.”

“She will need your blade,” Vivienne said, which was the closing thing to a compliment she’d ever given him. She continued, “Why would she bring Sera and Varric?”

“I think she thought they would keep her entertained if this got dull,” Josephine said. “And Sera may have some friends we could hear from.”

Vivienne said, “Well it is preposterous that she wouldn’t bring me.”

“Varric may trade with you,” Blackwall said. “I just came from seeing him.”

“In a few minutes,” Vivienne said.

Oh, he had definitely walked into a trap. Blackwall asked, “What’s this about? You want me to learn the proper way to bow?”

Josephine said, “Well, it’s about-”

“You will be expected to appear a certain way for the court,” Vivienne said.

Blackwall shrugged. “So a suit fitting.”

Josephine and Vivienne exchanged glances. Vivienne said, “Perhaps you may want to consider your personal hygiene.”

Josephine said, “And we will need a suit fitting after that.”

“After-?” Blackwall laughed again. “You’re telling me I need to take a bath.”

“You haven’t since you came back from the fade,” Vivienne said.

“That dwarf - Dagna - she scraped some stuff off of my arms,” Blackwall said, “and she took some of my hair.”

“That doesn’t constitute a bath,” Vivienne said.

“But what if she needs more?” Blackwall asked.

“Please, we have one ready,” Josephine said. “One now and then one before we leave.”

“There has to be a higher priority than forcing me to take a bath,” Blackwall said.

He turned as Bull walked through the doorway. Blackwall’s eyes widened and said, “Did you ask him here too?”

Josephine said, “We thought if you protested too much-”

“Sorry Blackwall,” Bull said. “It’s gotta be done.”

“How many of you are in on it?” Blackwall asked.

Josephine and Vivienne didn’t immediately reply. Bull said, “When I told Dorian, he said he wanted to be there.”

“Sera offered a strategy where she got you drunk first,” Josephine said.

Blackwall laughed disbelievingly. “This is absolutely absurd. It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not,” Bull said.

Vivienne said, “It is.”

“It wouldn’t normally be,” Josephine said, “but if you are standing for the court-”

Blackwall said, “Tell her to bring Bull instead.”

“We can’t have two Qunaris,” Josephine said. “It will be too much. And Cassandra is about as interested as you are.”

Vivienne said, “Dani requested you. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

Blackwall supposed it should. He looked at the three of them and it occurred to him that they may have an ulterior motive. If they thought he didn’t hear the Calling anymore, they may think he no longer had anything holding him back from being with Dani. Maybe if he cleaned up and dressed nice for her at a ball, he’d be able to sweep her off her feet.

Maybe if no one recognized him and tried to hang him.

Maybe if he wasn’t a heartless murderer.

He softened. “It’s enough,” he said. “Where will you have me go?”

*

Vivienne tossed a bucket of cold water of his shoulders. “Maker’s balls! Couldn’t you have gotten Dorian to heat up the water first?”

“Don’t be ashamed of being cold,” Dorian said. “You still have a lot to offer cold.”

“Oh fuck off,” Blackwall said, covering his testicles with his hands.

Vivienne threw another bucket of water on him and he cursed again. He listened to Sera’s cackles as Bull said, “I agree with Dorian. You have a lot to offer, Blackwall. If you have that much cold, imagine warm.”

Dorian nudged Bull and said, “Imagine hot.”

“There’s just hair everywhere,” Sera said. “Everywhere.”

“Why is everyone watching?” Blackwall asked.

“We need to discuss what needs to be polished,” Vivienne said, directing Blackwall into the tub.

He sat down in the water and started to scrub the earth from his arms. He supposed it would have felt better without everyone around him.

“Sometimes I think about polishing his sword,” Bull said to Dorian. “Do you think about that at all?”

“He’s not really my type.”

“Alone in the woods for so long,” Bull said. “He has a magnificent grip. You’ve seen it. I wouldn’t mind first-hand experience.”

“Please,” Blackwall said. “I’m right here.”

“That’s actually an interesting point,” Dorian said. “He may not know how to properly pleasure a lady anymore.”

“Could show him how with a peach,” Sera said.

Vivienne said, “I’m more concerned about his hair. We could trim and style it.”

“Maybe put a bit of product in it,” Dorian said.

“Just leave it alone,” Blackwall said.

Josephine smoothed out the suit he would be wearing for the ball, and Blackwall felt a little embarrassed just thinking about squeezing into it. Vivienne asked, “Don’t you want to look nice for Dani?”

“She doesn’t like any product in hair,” Blackwall said, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks as he hugged his legs to his chest, “and she likes it longer.”

“What makes you say that?” Vivienne asked.

“She touches my, Varric, and Sera’s hair. She won’t touch Dorian’s-”

“I just don’t want it touched,” Dorian said.

“But have you ever told her that?” Blackwall asked. “I know she touched it once and then pulled her hand quickly away. So you either gave her a spark of fire or she didn’t like how it felt.”

Dorian folded his arms across his chest and cursed under his breath. Blackwall smoothed out his beard as Vivienne brushed out his hair. Vivienne said, “You wouldn’t protest to a trim though, would you? Just a few touches.”

“We could still style it without creams,” Josephine said. “We could tie it back so it stays out of his face.”

“It usually stays out of my face,” Blackwall said.

“That’s because your hair is usually greasy, darling,” Vivienne said.

“Natural oils,” he said.

“A simple braid to keep his hair out of his eyes.” Blackwall turned to see Cassandra leaning against the doorframe. She said, “It will be simple enough that Blackwall will not be disgusted, but it will look like he made an effort for the Orlesian court.”

“Excellent,” Vivienne said. “How did Crestwood go?”

“We’ll need the advisors in the war room,” Cassandra said. “The Mayor’s gone missing.” She looked at Blackwall in the tub and then said, “Give his beard a bit of a trim too.”

“You too?” Blackwall asked.

“Better you than me,” Cassandra replied with just a hint of a smile.

Blackwall sunk in the tub.

*

Varric wasn’t sure what everyone expected. He watched from a balcony as Blackwall stepped out, clean and trim, with his clothes freshly laundered. Dani greeted him normally before pulling Sera onto her shoulders to get smashed at the tavern. She wouldn’t notice the change immediately. She never cared that his personal hygiene wasn’t a priority.

But it was good to see Dani safe and content. He smiled at the thought of it as he walked back inside. He frowned as he saw Cassandra at his desk. “What’s all this?” she asked.

“A new work,” Varric said. “Needed a break from non-fiction after what happened.”

“A Saarebas in Kirkwall gets saved by a ragtag group of unlikely friends,” Cassandra said. “She falls in love with a dwarf.”

Varric cleared his throat and said, “There will be a lot of changes once I edit it.”

Cassandra flipped through a few different pages, piling them into her arms, and said, “There seem to be a lot of sexually explicit scenes.”

“Just give me a break, Seeker,” Varric said. “What do you need?”

“Dani requested you go with her to the Orlesian Ball, but Vivienne wants to go alongside her instead. Blackwall said you might switch with her,” Cassandra said, adding more papers to her grasp.

“You don’t think it’s weird how you two are babying her?” Varric asked. “Hell, you’re even cleaning up the guy you want her to date.”

“Would you prefer we clean up you?” Cassandra asked, still piling the pages into her arm.

“No, I just,” Varric’s voice trailed off. “What happened to her?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

The two watched each other. Cassandra hugged the pages to her chest. “You’re asking the wrong person about the ball,” Varric said. “Ask Dani.”

“We already did. She still requested you.”

Varric hesitated. The hurt didn’t surprise him. He didn’t know quite what to say. He rubbed the back of his head and said, “Well, if she requested me, I’ll have to ask her and see what she wants from me. Sera can pick any lock I can, but maybe I have something else to offer.”

He couldn’t imagine what. He missed her. He was surprised how hard it was to sleep without her. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be close to her. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be in a situation where she’d teasingly ask him to dance.

They’d look terrible dancing together.

Cassandra said, “I’m confiscating these papers in case they give us any insight into Dani’s mind.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No.”

“Just, uh, keep it to yourself,” Varric said. “Please, really, don’t tell anyone.”

Cassandra smiled slightly as she looked over one of the pages. Varric said, “Give me the last one. I can’t remember what I wrote.”

She handed him one of the pages as he sat down at his desk, and he copied out the last paragraph so he could find his place when he started writing again. He handed it back to her and stared at the paragraph. He felt better constructing a small world where he and Dani found happiness. He liked living in this universe that made sense to him.

She pulled up a chair and hunched over slightly as she started to read it. Varric asked, “You’re really just going to read it in front of me?”

“What? You would prefer I carry these pages around Skyhold?”

“Point taken,” Varric said with a sigh.

He was a bit self-conscious writing with her right there, but he moved past it. He let his little world envelope him again. He shut his mind off to the world around him. He found a place where they could be together happily, and he wanted to write it out so he’d never forget the way she felt against his lips. 

It was hard to regret leaving her when he still had her here.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he hit a block. Cassandra had shifted her position, and she neatly stacked the papers she had finished. Varric got up to look out the window again. He watched the tavern and leaned on the sill. He breathed in the night air and thought of standing out on Dani’s balcony.

He waited there for a while as he tried to decide the next step for his characters. Dani walked out of the tavern, and he watched her absently. It was good to see her walking and safe. She turned around, and Varric watched Blackwall hurry out of the tavern as well. Dani stiffened as he talked to her. He fidgeted. She stayed very still. She started to walk away, and he watched her for a few minutes before going back into the tavern.

Varric said to Cassandra, “Dani left. I’ll meet her and see why she needs me for the ball.” 

Cassandra gave him an absent nod and leaned over to look see the pile of pages he had written. He figured she’d catch up to him while he spoke with Dani. He hurried through the keep. He wanted to catch her before she reached her bedroom. He didn’t want to go inside. But when he reached her bedroom hallway without seeing her, he waited before knocking. He thought there was a chance he’d beaten her, especially if someone stopped her in the hallway.

Sure enough, Dani walked into the hallway. Varric said, “It’s me.”

“I’m tired,” she said. “Please don’t expect me to make choices.”

“Cassandra mentioned that you still wanted me to go to the Orlesian ball with you,” Varric said. “She wants Vivienne to go, so I wanted to ask why you preferred me to her.”

Dani softened. She smiled absently as she hugged herself self-consciously. “I thought you’d like to go for the experience. When are you ever going to see an Orlesian ball for yourself? Maybe it’d be a setting for one of your stories.”

He laughed. “That’s sweet, but it can’t be more important than having Vivienne at your side.”

Dani frowned and said, “I need just a bit of space - a breather. If anything goes wrong, you’ll know what to do.”

“You’re asking a lot of me.”

“You owe me one, all right? All of the advisors will be there. It’s not like I’ll get any real privacy. Just give me a couple of hours without Vivienne or Cassandra worrying about me or trying to push Blackwall on me.”

“They were real subtle with Blackwall,” Varric sarcastically said.

Dani laughed sharply. “The really funny thing is, even if I was interested, I still don’t think he is. I can’t blame him. No one wants to be with the woman who holds the fate of Thedas in a hole in her hand.”

“Dani-”

“Just fuck off. You’ve done enough.”

He winced. She went back into her room and closed the door. He knew the wound would close and heal. He knew he couldn’t push too quickly or it would open again. Going to the ball would be a step. And he felt a bit of relief that she was too angry to push for them to get back together. He wasn’t certain he’d even so no if she did. 

He returned back to his desk, much slower than before, and he found Cassandra looking back out the window. His papers were neatly stacked up. The room was empty aside from the two of them, and he took a candle off of another desk to brighten his own. His candle was running low.

Cassandra sat down and said, “Were you two intimate?”

“Yes.”

“But not anymore.”

“What can I say? I’m selfish,” Varric said. “Didn’t want to have to deal with any guilt or loss.”

Cassandra said, “No one will hear about it from me.”

“I’ll know if they do,” Varric said. “Only Dani and Leliana know.”

“Couldn’t hide it from our spymaster?” Cassandra asked with a smile.

Varric propped his head up with his hand and said, “Dani wants me there. She thinks my status as a writer will intrigue the Court, whereas Vivienne might intimidate them too much. She did nearly kill a man for insulting Dani the first time they met.”

Cassandra thinned her lips. “I suppose you’re right.”

“She wasn’t specific, but she also said she knew I’d be able to help if something went wrong and neither you nor Vivienne were there,” Varric said.

Cassandra laughed sharply. “You didn’t help for three days before.”

Varric said, “I’m not happy about any of it. Should I know what happened?” When Cassandra didn’t reply, Varric said, “Hey, you read my unfinished book. I should get a glimpse into yours.”

Cassandra sighed and then she sat down as she told Varric everything that had happened. Cassandra’s openness surprised him. She offered the information freely, and for once she didn’t look stiff as she told him. He didn’t doubt how much she cared for Dani, but it was strange to see it so openly on her face and in her body language.

She continued, “Sometimes she still seems to drift back into that state - where she just didn’t respond without an order. I miss when flirting was her defense mechanism.”

Varric’s stomach twisted. He knew he wasn’t completely to blame, especially since the trigger seemed to be when she became overwhelmed with choices, but he felt guilty for telling her off for taking him into consideration. He knew he wasn’t helping shoulder the blame, and perhaps she would have taken it better if he had.

“So what do I do?” Varric asked.

“Vivienne and I usually tell Dani to ‘Come back’ or ‘Come here’ and she snaps out of it. Sometimes other orders help her out of it, but sometimes they push her further back. Just don’t ask her any questions or she’ll withdraw further.” Cassandra continued, “It doesn’t happen often, and she snaps herself out of it most of the time now.”

Varric nodded. He wasn’t exactly comfortable telling Dani to come back, but he knew he could do it if he had to. “Okay, I should be able to handle that.”

“All right,” Cassandra said with a nod. “We’re trusting you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, Seeker.”

Cassandra stood up and said, “Please let me know when you finish your book. Even if you are not publishing it, I would like to know what happens.”

“Well, they’re going to live happily ever after.”

Cassandra scoffed. “Of course they do,” she said. “You need to have a happy ending somewhere.”

She offered him a smirk before leaving. He smiled himself and turned back to the page.

*

Earlier, Dani sat with Blackwall in the tavern. Sera drank under the table, sitting between the Inquisitor’s legs and openly eavesdropping. Dorian, Bull, and Vivienne argued about something that Blackwall lost interest in. Dani turned to him and said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you smell different.”

Sera cackled and said, “They gave him a bath.”

Heat rushed to Blackwall’s cheeks and he said, “They’re preparing me for the Orlesian ball.”

“Maker, I hope they don’t dip me in whatever they dipped you in.”

“Me neither,” Sera said.

“It was not exactly pleasant,” Blackwall said. “I think I would have gotten more out of it if I had bathed alone. Josephine and Vivienne trimmed my hair and beard too, as if I couldn’t do either of those myself.”

“I could have cut both of those,” Sera said.

Dani asked, “What does it look like?”

“It’s not much different,” Blackwall said. “Just maintaining it. Cut the beard a bit shorter, but not much. I don’t want to get rid of the beard completely.”

“Why not?”

He hardly wanted to say because it was a good disguise, but what he said was at least partially the truth. “It feels better longer. It’s softer. If I shaved, I’d have to shave twice a day to keep the skin smooth.”

“Is your beard as soft as your hair?”

“It’s a bit coarser,” Blackwall said, “but not by much.”

“May I?” Dani asked, stretching out her hand.

“Certainly.”

Dani lightly brushed the back of her hand against his beard and smiled to herself. Sera said, “They braided his hair too.”

“Cassandra thought it may help keep it out of my eyes.”

“I hadn’t heard you complain about that before,” Dani said.

“I will likely only keep it for the ball,” Blackwall said. “Would you like to feel that as well?”

“Please,” Dani said.

Blackwall gently took her hand to lead her to the braid. Heat rushed to his cheeks as she smiled and touched the braids. He liked her doting on him again. Bull pulled his chair closer to them and said, “I also saw Blackwall’s dick. Now that’s a sight to see, boss.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Dani said, pulling her hand away.

“I suppose you’d have to feel it though,” Bull said. “And I suppose you feeling it would make it larger-”

“Please, Bull,” Blackwall said, a bit sharply.

Dani’s smile had faded completely, and she had tensed up some. He was surprised that the frank sexual comment had made her so uncomfortable. Usually she joked around or at least laughed. She stood up and said, “I think I’ll call it a night. I have a lot to work on tomorrow.”

She left abruptly. Sera took her seat and said, “Way to go, Bull.”

“I didn’t think she’d get upset,” Bull said.

Blackwall got out of his chair and shouted for Dani as he left the tavern to follow her. She stopped and waited for him to catch up. “I’m really sorry about Bull,” he said. “I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s fine,” Dani said. “It was just a good moment to leave.”

“All right,” Blackwall said. “I just didn’t want to end the evening on a sour note between us.”

“We’re fine,” Dani said.

Blackwall reached out to touch her wrist, and when she flinched, he quickly pulled his hand away. “I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” he said.

“I am,” Dani said. “I would really like to sleep.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go. I apologize.”

Dani simply offered him a wave as she walked away. He watched her for a moment. He wondered what had pushed her away, and he doubted she was still upset he had told her they couldn’t have a relationship. But he decided he wasn’t finding any answers by standing there, and she clearly didn’t want him going after her. So he turned back to the bar and went back inside.

*

Blackwall watched from a safe distance as Josephine placed Dani’s hand around her waist. Josephine had recruited the bard at the tavern to play music, and Josephine slowly taught Dani how to dance. Blackwall smiled to himself as he watched Josephine and Dani laugh together when they stumbled and also when they succeeded.

He imagined Vivienne would take it much more seriously, and he was glad it had been Josephine instead. He knew many of the dances Josephine went through, but he also knew he would be rusty at them. He tried to remember the moves in case he worked up the courage to ask Dani to dance when she was there. 

Dani dipped Josephine, and Josephine covered her mouth with her hand as she laughed. She tilted her head and noticed Blackwall skulking, and he busied himself by examining the leaf of a nearby tree.

He cursed himself for being a fucking idiot.

Josephine called him over. As he approached, she said, “This is perfect. I can go through everything with the both of you and watch Dani from both angles to make sure she’s doing everything correctly. I’ll admit I may not have been paying as close attention as I should have.”

“Wait, you mean you want us to-?”

“Someone may ask you to dance, Warden Blackwall. It’s important you know what to do,” Josephine said.

“Say no,” Blackwall said. “That is what I do.”

“Please, we don’t want the Inquisition thrown out of the ball,” Josephine said. “Ask the lady to dance.”

He looked up at Dani. She wore a bright smile, but he noticed she kept her mouth closed to hide her teeth. He doubted Josephine recommended that. Blackwall bowed and held out his hand. “May I have this dance, my lady?”

Dani replied with a slight bow, “It would be my pleasure.”

She slid her hand against his. He loved the way she traced her fingers along his palm before gently grasping him. He was thankful for the bath. He knew Josephine and Dani had been practicing so Dani would have a good chance of touching someone’s hand at her first attempt. Blackwall drew Dani against him, and Josephine motioned for the bard to start playing.

Blackwall’s head reached just above her breasts, and he raised his head slightly to watch her face. Josephine said, “Now, I’ve been teaching Dani to lead in case any women ask her to dance. It’ll be good if she learns how to dance when someone else leads.”

“But when do I lead?” Dani asked. “Do I ask?”

“Assume you lead if a woman asks you,” Josephine said. “They’ll assume you’ll lead since you’re, um, strong.”

“You mean huge,” Dani said with a sigh.

“You’re a leader,” Josephine offered. “They’ll expect you to lead. Blackwall, you’re doing very well.”

“Thank you,” Blackwall said. “I think you’re the perfect size, Inquisitor.”

He loved the excuse to have his hand on her back and her hand in his. Josephine moved Dani’s hand higher up on him. Dani said with a huff, “The perfect size to lead.”

“The perfect size to dance with me,” he said.

“Your face is basically up against my tits, isn’t it?” Dani asked.

“I’m a little higher,” Blackwall said. “I was trying to be sweet.”

“Try to be a little less frank in your conversation, Dani,” Josephine said.

“Should I have said, ‘I’m glad you appreciate the view?’” Dani asked. “Or should I have said, ‘I appreciate hearing how much you support me?’”

“You will need to wear a bra for this,” Josephine said. “Which might mean your breasts will be eye level with most people who dance with you.”

Dani sighed again dramatically and leaned against Blackwall. He smiled as she draped herself over his shoulder and said into his hair, “This is so dumb, Josephine.”

“Come on, Dani. It will be fun,” Blackwall said into her neck. “I’ll get to dip you.”

“You mean drop me,” Dani grumbled.

“Blackwall has a very firm grip,” Josephine said. “He won’t drop you.”

Dani made a noise in frustration, and Josephine fixed her stance so she danced properly again, and as the song progressed, Dani smiled.

*

Varric knew Josephine was looking for him. Cassandra had given him a heads up that Josephine wanted to go over ‘court etiquette’ and he decided the best thing to do was to hide. Screw accuracy in writing. He hid near the garden, where he knew Josephine had the others cornered, assuming she wouldn’t look for him too close to home.

And, if she found him, he could claim to be waiting for her.

He sat on a bench in the garden, and he had planned to read a book, but he didn’t open it because he saw Dani and Blackwall dancing. He’d heard she’d been practicing with him and that Josephine called him a natural. He watched the smile Blackwall offered her. It was genuine. He loved dancing with her. And she smiled shyly as he counted the steps when she missed a step.

Varric knew if he danced with her like that, his face would be almost into her crotch and his hand would probably be on her ass. That would be a very different dance, and one they both would probably enjoy a lot more.

Sera shouted for Dani, and Varric hunched over to try to stay hidden. Still, he watched as Dani helped Sera onto her shoulders, and Blackwall tried to dance with the both of them. Sera said, “Should sit on Blackwall’s shoulders and give Dani a proper partner.”

“I am a proper partner,” Blackwall said. “I treat her very well.”

“He does treat me well,” Dani said to Sera.

Sera scoffed and Blackwall said, “Fine, go ahead.”

Sera climbed off of Dani’s shoulders and onto Blackwall’s. Blackwall lightly held Sera’s legs as she settled in. “Much less roomy,” she said with a sigh.

“Come on,” Blackwall said. “Let’s treat the lady right.”

Blackwall stayed holding Sera’s legs as they tried to bow. Sera said with exaggerated gestures, “May I have this dance, your Inquisitorialness?”

Varric noted that that was his phrase. Dani pretended to fan herself and said, “A handsome, uh, creature like you wants to dance with an oxman like me? Won’t the court gossip?”

“Perhaps we want gossip, my lady,” Sera said. “Come on, say yes so we can stand up properly.”

Dani laughed and took Sera’s hand, and the pair drew Dani in. Sera tried to urge Blackwall into a fast-pace dance, and Dani laughed as Sera tried to dip her. Blackwall grabbed her waist with one hand to make sure she didn’t slip and kept her other on Sera to make sure she stayed on his shoulders.

Josephine laughed as she walked by Varric and started to clap. Varric wasn’t sure if he felt guilty for hiding or if he was jealous he wasn’t included in the exchange. He said, “Cassandra said you were looking for me, Josephine.”

Josephine turned around with a look of surprise. “I was!” she said. “And to think I walked right past you. We need to go over proper exchanges and etiquette. I suppose you’ll get away with more as a celebrity of sorts-”

“Of sorts,” Varric said with a frown.

Josephine continued, “But we want to do as much as possible to make the court comfortable with our presence.”

“I’m all ears,” Varric said, watching Dani as Sera climbed back onto her shoulders from Blackwall’s.

*

Blackwall and Dani talked in the barn. Dani had a beer in her hand, and Blackwall’s empty bottle rested on the table with the rocking griffin. Neither of them were even close to buzzed, but Dani didn’t feel like being social in the tavern. Blackwall was flattered she still wanted to spend time with him.

She sat on the ground and said, “Josephine makes it sound like the world might end if I mess one thing up. What do you think’ll happen if we get kicked out of the ball and Celene gets assassinated?”

He sat down beside her, and he noticed she didn’t move slightly away from him like she had in the past. He said, “I think it’ll just be a new hurdle, but not something you won’t be able to jump over.”

“Really?”

“I don’t think it’ll end the world,” he said. “It’s not like we haven’t had dirty politicians in power before. You remember about Loghain and the Hero of Ferelden? She still succeeded.”

“He repented at the end though,” Dani said. “Queen Anora still swears she could have saved him.”

“Alistair killed him,” Blackwall said. “You saw how hard it was to stop Alistair.”

He wished he hadn’t brought it up as she withdrew slightly. She pulled her legs against her chest and rested her head against her knees. She set the bottle down and said, “Yeah.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“No, I don’t mean to expect you to walk on eggshells about the topic,” she said.

She gently pressed her legs against his, and he wrapped his arm around her. She smiled, and he offered a friendly squeeze. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She tilted her head towards him. “I missed you.”

“I’ve always been here.”

“You know what I mean,” she said. “There aren’t many people I feel like I can be vulnerable with.”

“Cassandra and Vivienne keep a close eye on you,” Blackwall said. “I’m sure you can be honest with them.”

“Cassandra maybe,” Dani replied, “but you see how they are with me. If anything, their behaviour is proof that I can’t be too open with them or they, I don’t know, panic and treat me like a wounded child.”

“May I ask what happened?”

She sighed and got up. He stayed sitting on the floor as she leaned down to grab her beer. She paced for a moment and then sat back down against him. She folded her hands in her lap and gently pressed her leg against his. She said, “I just didn’t want to be me anymore, so I stopped.”

“You stopped?”

“I stopped,” she said. “Sometimes I still stop, but I can get out of it. I just need a minute to think. Thinking was hard for a while. Focussing on the Ball has helped.” She hesitated and then said, “Being with you has helped.”

“You mean, watching me stumble over my feet.”

“You know you’re good,” Dani said with a grin. “You’re not fooling anyone. I won’t ask where or why you’ve learned to dance, man of mystery.”

His smile faded and she nudged him. She continued, “It was fun and frivolous. You and Sera helped remind me of who I am. The others have been there too, of course.”

“You don’t want to give us too much credit.”

“Exactly,” Dani said. “I’m glad I picked you and Sera to do this with me. I know Vivienne is not impressed and Dorian is a bit jealous.”

Blackwall chuckled. “Well neither of us understand it, but we’re glad to support you through these trying times.”

“I’m going to need a lot of support.”

“And that’s why you brought Varric, right?” Blackwall asked, genuinely interested. 

He wondered if their tiff had passed or if this was Dani’s attempt to try to repair whatever happened between them. He regretted asking as she strained to keep the smile on her face. She simply said, “Yes.”

“I’m sorry I asked,” he said.

“Everything’s fine.”

He frowned. He debated between ruining the moment and pressing for more information or just sitting quietly. She had just told him that she felt like she could be open with him, and he hated seeing Varric and Dani’s friendship cool off. He seemed to support her in a way the others couldn’t. She went from sleeping in his lap to him leaving the room when she entered.

He said, “I thought you didn’t want me walking on eggshells.”

“There’s nothing to say,” she said, sharply.

“There clearly is.”

“He was mad that I tried to sacrifice myself instead of Hawke and Alistair. I knew he couldn’t lose Hawke,” Dani said. “That’s all there is to it.”

It was the same as Varric said. He asked, “He’s still mad?”

“Things are just weird now,” she said. “I was breaking as soon as I walked out of the war room. I didn’t want to be myself anymore. When we fought, I was already pulling away. He wouldn’t have been able to pull me back, but I never told him that. I don’t think if he thinks I blame him, or if he thinks our fight might have played a factor in it. The only difference is he might have noticed sooner if we’d been on better terms, but he could have just as easily given me the space I needed.”

“Do you want me to say something?”

“I don’t know, I’m still mad too,” she said. “I just want to start again.”

“I know that feeling,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s not easy to do. The past always comes back.”

Dani took another swig from her bottle and contributed nothing further. She leaned against him, and they sat in a comfortable silence with the sounds of the horses around them. She rested her head on his shoulder and he lightly put his arm around her. Her horn pressed against his neck. He thought about how much he cared for her. He thought about how his entire wretched life was worth it for this one moment with her.

“You’re - we’re still not happening, are we?”

“You make me feel like the man I want to be, Dani,” he said. “You make me feel like I could achieve anything. And you give me a purpose. I love hearing that I could help you in some small way.”

“But?”

“I’m no good for you,” Blackwall said, weakly. “I’ll only let you down.”

She raised her head and said, “Don’t I get to decide that?”

“No,” he said. “No, I’m not a good man.”

She laughed. “Yeah right.”

“Dani-”

“I get it,” she said, standing up. “No one wants to be with a woman who’ll be dead by the time it’s all over.”

He grabbed her hand. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

He feared for her state of mind. If she thought she was going to die - well, no wonder she tried to escape. Her hand stayed limp in his and she said, “How do you see this ending?”

“I don’t know,” he said, standing up. “But that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? We don’t know that it’s over. All I know is I’ll be standing next to you until I can’t stand anymore.”

Her hand shook in his and she pulled it away quickly. “Why do you do this to me?” she asked. “I’m so tired, Blackwall. I don’t want to play any games.”

“I’m not-”

“You can’t say things like this to me and expect me to ignore them or giggle and flirt without expecting things to come of it,” she said.

Fear curled around Blackwall as he rubbed her shoulders. He could really be Blackwall with her. He could embrace a future, however short-lived it would be, with her. The Wardens didn’t notice. If he laid low during the ball, none of the Orlesians would notice. He could be Blackwall for her. Her noble Grey Warden boyfriend. Maker, he missed him. If only he’d been here instead of him. “You would really have me?” he asked.

“Maker, you’re a fool,” she said, exasperated.

“Tell me to go.”

“I like you,” she said, “and if you want to start-”

She turned around in his touch and wrapped her arms around his waist. The lust building quickly inside of him surprised him. He’d been alone for too long. He rose up on his tiptoes and he said, “Please, tell me to go away. This will end badly.”

“What won’t right now?” she asked with a smile. She brushed her nose against his and said, “I need a little moment of joy, Blackwall.”

“And you didn’t have it with me before?”

“Oh, I did. But I think a kiss would really help me out here,” she said. “I don’t know what’s holding you back, but-”

He kissed her. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her deeply. He breathed her in and pressed his leg between hers. A hot pulse went through him as she rubbed against him. He drew away slightly, telling himself to take it slow. He wanted her to shove him against the ground and ride him until he ached. She gently drew him in for another kiss, and they propped their foreheads together as they drew their lips apart.

“What now?” she asked.

“We say goodnight.”

“Please be joking,” she said.

“We’ll leave for the ball tomorrow,” he said. “I don’t want to complicate things for you. You need a clear head.”

“You’d prefer I was filled to the brim with sexual frustration,” she said against his lips.

He traced his lips down her neck while keeping his leg pressed against her groin and said, “Is this filled to the brim? I bet I could get you closer to the edge.”

“Please try,” she said.

“It’s getting late.”

“You’re impossible,” she said, playfully pushing him off of her.

“Think of how sweet it’ll be when we get back.”

“If I haven’t met someone at the ball who sweeps me off my feet and decide to ditch you,” she said.

He frowned as she walked away. He knew she was only teasing him, but he still doubted he was what was best for her. His cock ached against his leg and wondered if he put off any sexual encounter so he wouldn’t have to commit to her. A few kisses after a beer wouldn’t break her heart.

He turned as she walked back into the barn. She held herself lightly and said, “Would you please just sleep with me?”

“I want to take things slow,” he said, heat rising to his cheeks.

“I know, I mean really sleep,” she said, lightly taking his hands in hers. “I’m just - I’m afraid something will happen again and I’ll have to choose to end someone’s life. I’ll sleep better if someone’s with me. I can’t stay up all night pacing.”

He remembered how she slept in Varric’s lap when they left to confront the Wardens. He was afraid. He was afraid he’d break her heart. Should he break it now and say no? “Dani-”

She released his hands and quickly said, “Sorry, I knew I was asking too much of you.”

He smiled and cupped her cheeks in his hands. He lied. “I was just going to ask if you’d let Cassandra know I would wake you up in the morning. Then we don’t have anyone questioning why I’m there.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll be whatever you need me to be,” he replied.

She returned his smile, and he lightly kissed her. When he drew away, she said, “I’ll tell Cassandra. Meet you there?”

“Of course.”

They went separate ways as Blackwall headed up to her room. He smoothed out his tunic, feeling the heat slowly leave him. He worried a bit about sleeping with her, but excitement bubbled within him too. She sought him out for support. How hard could sleeping be, anyway?

He stopped walking as he saw Varric standing outside her door. Varric watched him. They stared at each other for a brief moment. Varric said, “Dani’s not in yet.”

Blackwall said, “Oh.”

Silence stretched out between them, and Blackwall leaned on the railing. Varric said, “I just wanted to make sure she was all right. She can get a little antsy before a mission like this.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Blackwall said.

He had toyed with the idea of Varric being another love interest for her, but it became clearer to him in this moment. Varric’s hair was tousled and the ink had been washed off his fingers. It looked like he tried to sleep, but couldn’t because he worried too much about Dani. Somehow it never occurred to Blackwall that Varric may have already pushed their relationship past than friendship. He thought his support for her was chaste and innocent, but he suddenly remembered all the times Dani slipped her hands down the dwarf’s tunic and blew raspberries against his neck.

Both mentioned to him that Varric had been upset when he found out that Dani tried to sacrifice herself. Was it because she was the biggest hope Thedas had? Or was it because he loved her? He supposed it could easily be both. He wondered if he should back down and let Varric have her, if that’s what his intentions were. 

“If you’re here,” Blackwall said, “maybe I’m not needed.”

“No,” Varric said, a bit sharply. He softened, but he said nothing further.

Blackwall smoothed out his beard and Varric scratched at his stubble. Dani walked in and Varric said, “Do you have a second to talk?”

Blackwall said, “I can wait if you’d prefer to talk in your room.”

Dani frowned and asked, “Does it need to be said in private?”

Varric said, “No. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t anxious about tomorrow.”

“I appreciate your concern. I’m fine.”

Varric looked to Blackwall and then said, “Yeah, I’d like a second to check with you in your room.”

“I don’t want you in my room,” she said. She turned to Blackwall and said, “Do you mind if I say something?”

“About us?” Blackwall asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m not keeping it a secret,” Blackwall said.

Dani smiled, but she looked a bit hurt. Varric looked like he’d punched him. He pieced together Dani and Varric’s former relationship in that one moment. Dani said, “Blackwall is making sure I can sleep, all right? He’s not fucking me senseless or something.”

Varric smiled. “So you’ll be all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “Really. I asked him because I thought - I just wanted someone with me.”

Varric said, “I’m glad you found someone. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He started to walk away, and Dani hesitated. Varric gave Blackwall a nod as he walked past, and Dani unlocked her door. She waved Blackwall in, and he walked up the stairs as she locked up behind her. He said, “Should I continue to play the fool?”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“About you and Varric.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to know,” Dani replied. “I’d prefer it was left like that.”

“I won’t say anything.”

“Not to Sera?”

Blackwall laughed. “Definitely not to Sera.” When Dani looked skeptical, Blackwall said, “I can keep secrets, you know.”

“I know,” she replied, pulling off her shirt. “This one is just important to me.”

“Because it’s important to him?”

“Yes.” She took down her hair.

“Why wouldn’t he want to tell the world?” Blackwall asked. “I would.”

“It’s really not something I care to talk about,” Dani said, turning to walk towards her dresser.

Blackwall’s lips parted as he watched Dani walk topless through her room. Frizz from her curly hair shone through the moonlight. Her hair curled across her shoulders. He tried to pull his eyes away from her dark nipples. Did it not occur to her-? He cleared his throat and said, “Do you need any help?”

“No,” she said. “Go ahead and get comfortable. Let me know if I’m doing something that makes you uncomfortable.”

“You’re, uh-”

She took off her pants as she went through her drawers. Heat rushed to his cheeks as he turned his back and started to take off his clothes. He wondered if it was a joke. She said, “My what?”

“I didn’t expect you to just undress in front of me,” he said.

“Maker, I’m sorry,” she said, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He felt fabric between them, and she rubbed his chest and said, “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

“No,” he said with a laugh. “We’re out of sync.”

She kissed his neck and traced her hand down his stomach before feeling back up. He worried he wasn’t thin enough for her. A throb went through him and she stayed nestled onto his neck. She said, “I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable. I just went about my routine without thought.”

“You’re going to want to stop touching me like that,” he nervously said.

She smiled against his neck and released him. She took off her blindfold and dropped into bed with a sigh. She said, “If there’s any lanterns burning that you want off, go ahead and snuff them out.”

“Oh, um, all right.”

He took off his pants and turned off two lanterns. He asked, “Are you cold?”

“Rarely,” she said. “Put another log on the fire if you think you might be.”

He didn’t and moved into the bed. Now he worried he wouldn’t get any sleep. He asked, “What do you need me to do?”

“What you’re doing is fine.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

She laughed. “I am aware.”

He couldn’t help but laugh too. He loved her laugh. “Come here,” he softly said.

He pulled her into his arms, and she turned to face him so he horns wouldn’t hit him. She folded her hands against his chest and he watched as she relaxed against him. She gently traced her fingers down his chest again. She asked, “What if I have to choose between Celene and Gaspard?”

“You probably will,” Blackwall said. “Who do you prefer?”

“Celene,” she replied. “Gaspard may have the right to the throne, but her policies and intentions sound right to me. And I have a weak spot for strong women in authority.”

“Then you’re in the right place,” he said.

“Please. I’d love to be like her,” Dani replied. “Cullen thinks Gaspard is a better fit for the Inquisition.”

“How often do you listen to Cullen?”

“Sparingly,” she replied with a chuckle. “I’m trying to feel what you’d do in my position.”

“Gaspard is an ass,” he said, “but I’ll support whatever you decide.”

“I don’t know anything about politics,” Dani said. “I’m not even from here. Most of the time I just want to run around and close fade rifts.”

“I know,” he said. “I just wanted to kill Darkspawn.”

She rubbed his chest and said, “Sometimes I want to kiss a Grey Warden.”

“Just any? Or a specific one?”

“Just any,” she said with a laugh.

He kissed her harder than he intended. She responded in kind, and he traced his hand down the curved of her back as she twisted her fingers into his hair. She hooked her leg over his hip and moved against him. 

He wasn’t even a Grey Warden.

He broken the kiss and said, “Dani-”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she said. “I guess I am just a tease. I’ll lay off, I promise.”

She turned over and tucked her ass against his groin, and he nuzzled into the space between her shoulderblades. Cuddling like this, she was too tall for her horns to get in his way. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her. She hugged his arms to her chest. He sighed as she absently traced her fingers against the back of his hands.

He had planned to tell her everything, but her apology tore apart his courage. It was strange for her to make him feel so brave and yet so afraid at the same moment. He’d fight anything for her. He’d do anything for her. But he couldn’t let the image of what she thought he was shatter.

“What happened between you and Varric?”

“I’m not trying to use you to patch up a hole,” she said.

“I didn’t say you were,” he replied.

“I really like you.”

“I know, Dani,” he said, kissing the back of her neck again. “I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. You know you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You know I care about you most.”

She didn’t immediately reply, and he relaxed. If there was a chance whatever she and Varric had could be repaired, he thought the dwarf was the better choice for her. He’d step down. He wondered how he could ask Varric.

“He ended things,” Dani said. “Leliana thinks he wasn’t strong enough and that he didn’t want anything weighing down on his shoulders. He told me that he wanted to be the priority in our relationship instead of the fate of Thedas, but he understood it was unrealistic and ended things.”

Now he doubted Varric would go back. He would just have to be the perfect boyfriend for her. Blackwall hugged her tighter. He liked feeling her against him. He thought she’d been looking a little thin, but was getting better, and it was good to feel muscle on her. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I love that you did,” she replied.

“Forgive me if I’m being forward,” he said, “but those things don’t scare me away.”

She chuckled. “No?”

“No,” he said. “Because I’m going to fight at your side, and that’s enough for me. It’s always been enough for me.”

She asked, “Then why did you hesitate? It’s not the Calling, is it?”

“You’re going to outlive me,” he said. “I don’t want it to cut you deep when I go. I don’t want you to lose yourself.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do,” he said.

“Well, I’d rather have you like this and hurt,” she said. “I don’t regret being with Varric, and when he left, I thought he took a part of myself with him.”

“And you lost yourself.”

Dani laughed. “Don’t compliment him like that. I’d been told I made the wrong choice by choosing Hawke instead of Alistair. There is no one to lead the Grey Wardens - no chain of command left. They’re managing fine, but I didn’t know they would. I’d got a ‘Thanks for saving the Champion of Kirkwall who played a part in starting all of this, but we really could have used the Hero of Ferelden’s boyfriend who you left to die.’ The knife was already in me, Blackwall.

“Then Varric gripped the knife’s handle in by telling me I should think more and weigh my options better. I was already bleeding to death when he twisted the knife and said that we were done,” Dani said. “Besides, we’re probably going to know when you go, right? I’ll have time to say a proper goodbye.”

Blackwall didn’t reply, but he squeezed her again to let her know he listened. She simply said, “I appreciate you being here now.”

“Whatever you need,” he said.

She pushed back against him, and he smiled against her skin. He kissed her, and he listened to her breaths grow steady. Somehow feeling her reassure him she’d survive his leaving made him feel better.


	7. Chapter 7

Dani overheard Blackwall talking to the drunken man and wondered who Blackwall looked like. He was sharp with her as they spoke and she knew they were alone in the hallway. She tried to touch his hand and he pulled it away. She wondered what happened to whatever she needed.

The ball was tedious and frustrating and she had to smile through it all. And dancing with Florianne had titillated her in a way she hadn’t expected. She wanted to feel Blackwall against her, and she tried not to make her frustration apparent. He asked, “How many of these pricks have called you an oxman?”

“Too many,” Dani replied. “They all think I’m very polite and charming now. I think they expected me to start tearing off people’s limbs.”

“If you need anyone to do that, just ask me,” Blackwall said. “I’m sick of this place.”

“I’m sorry for putting you in this position.”

“No, no. I’m not blaming you,” he said. “I like that you wanted me.”

She asked him to save a dance for her, and he sharply said, “All of them.” He squeezed her hand and softened as he said, “I’m not dancing with anyone else, Inquisitor.”

She relaxed some. She thought he seemed tense before the ball, and Sera said she caught him reading the paper and she figured he’d gotten upset about some news that probably didn’t even matter. Dani decided she’d imagined him pulling away and that he was probably just uncomfortable being at the ball.

All of them seemed to be uncomfortable. She’d barely seen Varric, and Blackwall and Sera stood alone in separate rooms. When she’d suggested they stand together, Blackwall said something about her being a bad influence and Sera said the same thing about him. She assumed Josephine had told them both off before they even entered.

She blamed Blackwall’s mood on that as well.

*

“I really appreciate you bringing me along,” Varric said as Dani politely excused him from the small crowd around him. “My agent’s been ripping me off. You’ve made me a lot of money.”

“Right,” she said. “Listen-”

“And since now I know I have scads of Orlesian fans, I know I’ll have to be really accurate when portraying an Orlesian ball. This was a really good idea, Dani.”

“Okay.”

Varric lightly touched her arm when he realized she wasn’t smiling. “Hey, everyone loves you. I keep hearing about how charming and unexpected you are-”

“I really don’t think I had to do much-”

“Dani, you danced with Florianne and held your own. I’ve been chatting you up, but everyone only has good things to say about you. You’ve worked hard to get here,” he said. “Don’t start doubting yourself now. Your dress doesn’t disappear at midnight.”

“What?” she asked. “I’m not wearing a dress.”

“It’s a - nevermind,” he said. “Did you just come here for a quick self-esteem boost?”

“No, and that’s a good thing,” she said.

“I thought I was doing a good job,” Varric said. “People are already putting out feelers about whether or not I’ll be writing a book about you.”

“Well you and I know how accurate that’ll be,” Dani said, sharply. “Listen-”

“Do we need to slink off again?”

“Yes,” she said, as they started to walk off, “but I wanted to get your opinion on something.”

“So far my opinion hasn’t meant much in this conversation.”

“Does Blackwall seem off to you?” Dani asked.

“Come on,” Varric said. “He’s at a party he doesn’t want to be at and has been all primped up for it. He’s not exactly in his element.”

“I guess.”

“What did you expect?” Varric asked. “Did you want him to cling to you for the entire night?”

“Well, no.”

“He’s just grumpy,” Varric said. “Come on, relax. He seems fine when we’re fighting.”

“Okay, all right,” she said. “I just-”

“Don’t worry,” Varric said. “It’s just the ball. Everyone’s on edge.”

*

Varric watched as Blackwall and Dani danced on the balcony. He, Sera, and Dani all still had their blood-speckled armour on, but Blackwall had taken that moment to change as he rose onto his toes to nuzzle the Inquisitor in private. His smile was soft, and he quietly counted like they were still just practicing their steps.

Was he still just practicing with Dani?

He frowned as he watched Blackwall’s smile fade. He looked hurt, and Varric knew Blackwall didn’t care about how the evening ended. He wondered if Dani had been right and something was wrong.

“Thought he was going to end things,” Sera said, standing beside Varric.

“Did he say that to you?” Varric asked.

“No,” Sera said. “But he’s keeping her at arm’s length.”

“He just didn’t like being here,” Varric said.

Sera laughed sharply. “And before?”

“What do you mean before?”

“Spent half the trip avoiding her,” Sera said. “Asking Josephine for advice and shit to keep him busy. Now leading her on like this.”

Blackwall’s smile returned as Dani laughed about something he had said, and he pulled her closer. Varric thought he seemed sad. And he knew Dani. She was probably on auto-pilot as she processed her day somewhere deep inside of her. She was with Blackwall, sure, but she wasn’t paying as close attention to him as she could be.

“So he hasn’t said anything to you?”

Sera shrugged. “Friends, but not, you know, bosom buddies.”

“I thought I heard you cackling and calling you two bosom buddies.”

“Guess not,” Sera said. “Left out of the loop.”

*

Blackwall looked at the newspaper article in his room. He tried running his hand through his hair and getting it stuck in the braid. Cursing, he undid the braid as his mind whirled. He couldn’t let the man die. That was who he used to be, but it wasn’t the man he wanted to be anymore. It wasn’t what Blackwall would do. It wasn’t what he would do.

But it meant leaving Dani. He thought he could imply that the Calling never stopped. He didn’t want her to know he lied to her. He didn’t want her to know the man she’d actually chosen. He knew she was becoming increasingly fragile. He didn’t want to be what shattered her.

He had a month and a couple of weeks. He’d make sure he asked to be off any missions, and he could leave Skyhold while she was gone. She’d assume the Calling took him. Maybe he’d leave her flowers or a note. He thought about the badge and decided he would leave her that. He’d give her the only piece of Blackwall she could actually have.

“Sera said she thought she saw you go to your room,” Dani said.

Blackwall stuffed the clipping in the bottom of a drawer and said, “Yeah, I thought I’d catch a wink maybe. How’d the meeting go?”

“Oh you know, something about long-term all three may be unstable but for now it suited the Inquisition fine.”

Blackwall chuckled and said, “Sera loved you standing up there and telling them all that you answered to them.”

“I let my anger get the best of me,” she replied. “I couldn’t believe that none of them were innocent.”

“I suppose we’re not all so lucky that we get a leader like you,” Blackwall said, taking her hands in his. “Not everyone knows how to do the right thing.”

“But did I?”

“Damned if I know,” Blackwall said with a laugh. “You did the right thing for right now, and the right thing for the Inquisition. You knew right now it was all about survival, and you’ll keep them from stabbing each other in the back for now. I suppose after what happened to Florianne, they’ll be too afraid to.”

“I made it clear I didn’t like those strategies,” Dani replied.

“And that’s why I care for you,” Blackwall said.

Dani gently pushed Blackwall onto the bed and straddled him. He tiled his head back as she brushed her lips against his. “Do you still want to wait?” she asked.

Not with her in his lap, no. He tried to think as he put his hands against her thighs. She didn’t kiss him, and she leaned away when he tried to kiss her. She said, “I will wait if you ask.”

“What do you want?” Blackwall asked.

She smiled against his lips and moved her hips against his. “I thought I’ve been very clear about what I want.”

“And if I die tomorrow?” Blackwall asked.

“Then I definitely want to get into your pants today,” she said with a laugh. She climbed off of his lap and sat next to him, holding his hands in hers. She said, “I shouldn’t have teased you. I’ll let you think clearly.”

He kissed her forehead, and she smiled shyly. He didn’t know if he should say yes. He didn’t want her to think he’d just wanted to bang her before he left. But he also didn’t want her to regret not being with him. He didn’t want her to regret a moment with him.

“I need you to know I care for you,” Blackwall said. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Who forgets how to be a person once and a while.”

“No,” Blackwall said. “You always fight it. You always fight to come back to us. It’s never weak to have weaknesses in your character. It’s weak to ignore them or use them as an excuse. You have the strength to see them and work with them and overcome them. I don’t know everything that’s happened to you, but I know it took a lot to get here. You’ve been through the fade and it overwhelms me to think that I’ve been at your side through it, to see my own fear plastered on a tombstone.”

“There’s a but in here somewhere, right?”

“No,” Blackwall said. “No, there isn’t. I want you to be happy, and I need you to know how much I care for you before we do this. I don’t want you to think at any point I’ve manipulated you to it.”

She laughed. “Why would I think that? I’ve been the pushy one. If it makes you that uncomfortable, we don’t have to take this step yet. It sounds like you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready,” he said, “I’m just,” he hesitated to try to find his words, and he loved that Dani waited patiently. She gently kept his hands in hers, wanting to make sure that this was what they both wanted. Of course he wanted it, but for it to happen so close to the end. He said, “I’m just afraid of how it will change things between us.”

She shrugged. “It won’t.”

“It always does.”

He kissed her neck, and she nuzzled into his hair. He said, “Your place or mine?”

“Mine,” she said. “I don’t want anyone walking in.”

He said, “I have one more request, my lady. Would you call me Thom in private?”

“You mean, call you what you requested in the future?” she asked.

“If you would do me the great honour.”

Dani watched him carefully. He needed a little sliver of it for himself. She nodded. “All right,” she said. “And I won’t ask any questions.”

“Thank you, Dani.”

They walked together back to her chambers with their fingers lightly intertwined. He loved the way she led him through Skyhold, not ashamed or embarrassed. She drew him into her chambers, and when she kissed him, he lifted her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She laughed, and he patted her ass as he walked up the stairs. She said, “I see you’re literally sweeping me off my feet.”

“You’ve walked enough for one day, my lady.”

“Sometimes you make my legs so weak I’m sure I can take another step.”

“You should tell me,” Blackwall said, tossing her onto the bed. “I could carry you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she replied with a grin. “What should I take off?”

“May I undress you myself?”

“Be my guest,” she replied.

He leaned over her, kissing her gently, and when she twisted her fingers into his hair, he kissed her deeper. She pried his mouth open with her own, gently flicking her tongue against his. With a heat spreading through him, he traced his hands up her shirt. She started unbuttoning his shirt, drawing out more kisses as he felt her muscular stomach.

Sitting up, she pulled his shirt off his shoulders, nuzzling into his beard as she traced her hands up his chest. She knitted her fingers into his chest hair and straddled him, pushing him back against the bed. She rubbed his chest and gently moved her hips against his own, feeling his erection through their pants. “Were you still planning to undress me?” she asked.

“You’re only making me work slower,” Blackwall replied with a laugh.

She raised her arms, and he pulled her shirt over her head. He sat upright to kiss her again, cupping one of her breasts in his hand while running the other down her back. He pressed against her nipple with his thumb, and she kissed him deeper, nuzzling into him. He could hardly believe the ache that went through him. He wanted her to ride him into the next age. He ended the kiss and murmured against her lips, “Dani, it’s been a long time for me.”

“You know I’m inexperienced,” she said, softly. “It’s fine. I understand.”

He kissed where her jaw and neck met and drew lazy circles around her nipple. He had wanted to go slow and taste every inch of her body, but he suspected Dani wasn’t in a patient mood. He kissed down her neck, and she nuzzled into his hair. He traced his lips down the center of her chest, and he ran his hands up her thighs as he flicked his tongue against her nipple. He untied her pants as he kissed and licked her nipple.

She slid off of him to take off her pants, and she stood plainly for a moment, allowing him to take in the sight of her naked. Maker, all his time alone in the woods was worth this one vision of her. “You’re forgetting something,” he said.

“What?”

“Your hair.”

She untied her hair, and he watched the mop of messy curls fall around her face. She ran her fingers through it, turning some of the curls to complete frizz. He smiled and said, “You’ve forgotten something else, my lady.”

“I’ve forgotten to pay attention to you,” she replied, tracing her hands up his thighs.

“The blindfold,” he said.

She hesitated and exhaled. She said, “Shouldn’t I leave it on?”

“You know I don’t mind,” he said. “I like to see your face. It hides some of your nose.”

She walked away from him and ran her hand along her longer horn. He watched the muscles in her shoulders shift. He said, “If it really bothers you, you can leave it on.”

She removed it and set it down on the dresser. He waited as she turned back around and approached him. She traced her hand up his thighs a bit more cautiously, and he placed his hand under her chin to draw her in for another kiss. Her scarred, empty eyes hardly bothered him, and he loved her broken nose. He missed the broken bridge when the blindfold was on.

He leaned back against the bed as she felt his erection through his pants. She untied them and pulled his pants off for him. She traced her hands up his thighs again, slower, stopping to feel the smooth scars. When she reached his pelvis, she felt his testicles and then traced the back her fingers up the underside of his shaft. She smiled to herself as she carefully encircled it, judging the girth, and with her other hand, she circled the head of his cock with her fingers, checking the edges of his foreskin.

He unintentionally bucked into her touch, squirming as he pulsed in her grip. She said, “Warden Blackwall has a very impressive sword.”

He laughed and asked, “And my cock, my lady?”

The laughter spread to her as she climbed back onto the bed. “I think the Inquisition should change its goals and dedicate themselves to announcing the glory that is Blackwall’s cock and testicles.”

When she straddled his legs, he gripped her hips, pulling her forward on his body. “I have somewhere specific I’d like you to sit.”

“Higher up than this?” Dani asked, lightly grasping his cock.

He pulled her up to his mouth, and she sharply in took air as he nuzzled into her pubic hair. Squeezing her ass, he slipped his tongue between the folds of her pussy. His cock ached at the smell, and he licked and sucked her, brushing his nose against her clit. She panted, gripping his hair tightly. He kept his rhythm quick, eager to hear her groan. Placing his palm against her ass, he pressed one finger into her, pumping it quickly as he turned his tongue’s attention to her clit.

Her groan sent a hot shudder through Blackwall’s body, and he licked and sucked her faster, making sure to swirl her tongue through her to fully taste her. She bucked against his mouth, pulling his hair as she cursed under her breath. He pressed a second finger into her, feeling her spill into his beard as he sucked and licked her. He pumped his fingers faster, aching for her as she groaned for Thom.

He drew out his fingers when she pulled away from him. Panting, she smiled and reached for the oil on the nightstand. He kissed her pelvis before she moved back down his body. She poured the oil along his cock, giving it a firm stroke in the process.

She gently edged the head of his cock into her, and he gently traced his hands up her hips. She started slow, and he tried not to buck up against her as her muscles tightened around him. He ached as she bit her lower lip with a smile. Pressing her hands against his chest, she started riding him faster, taking more of his cock into her. She pulled at his chest hair, panting as he started to buck against her rhythm.

He loved the weight of her against him and her gentle pants as she cautiously increased the pace. He rubbed the inside of her thighs, fully appreciating the sight of her riding his cock. She tightened her grip on his chest hair as she gasped and cursed. “Maker, that’s the spot.”

She moved against him again and he bucked into her, grinning at the groan that went through her. She rode him harder, and he moved back in kind. Her new pace made his toes curl, and he panted as he grew nearer to his climax. Sitting upright, he twisted his fingers into her hair and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, digging her nails into his back as he pumped into her. He pressed his thumb against her clit, moving it against the pace. She nuzzled against him, groaning against his lips. She rode him harder, and he kissed her next to try to smother out his groan.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped. “Just a bit more.”

He complied, kissing her neck as he moved his finger faster. She cursed, enveloping a barrier around them as she came against him with a shudder, riding him roughly until she finished. She drew his mouth against hers as she still rode him, but as a much slower pace. She tugged at his beard and asked against his mouth, “Are you going to come inside me?”

He swallowed and asked, “Is that what you want?”

“Please,” she said.

“Murmur my name again,” he softly said.

She smiled and pecked his lips. “Please Thom.”

She started to ride him faster again, and she softly said his name against her lips. That alone nearly sent him over the edge. Gripping her hips, he pulled her against him, panting as she smiled against him. He pumped into her faster, and she repeated his name more urgently, digging her nails back into his back. He nuzzled into her neck, groaning into it as he came into her with several strong thrusts. She breathed in his hair as he finished, and the pair dropped back onto the bed together. Nazile gripped his beard, pulling him up for another kiss as she twined her legs with his.

He panted against her, tracing his figures along her sides before gripping her hips and pulling her body against his. “Are you going to have the energy for another round?” she asked.

“Maker, you’re serious.”

She smiled and said, “Where’s that Champion vitality?”

“Oh, it’ll be here,” he said, kissing her again.

Gripping her ass, he kissed her deeper and moved her leg over his hip. She broke the kiss to laugh and said, “You’re going to need a minute.”

He laughed softly and said, “That I will, my lady.”

The two nuzzled together, and she traced her fingers down his body again. She murmured, “Will you come with me when we go back out?”

“For a while, my lady.”

“Will we share a tent?”

“If that’s what you would like.”

She smiled. “I know we may not have the energy for anything, but I would like to at least sit like this with you.”

“Panting and spent?”

She laughed and said, “You know what I mean.”

He smiled against her and agreed. “I know what you mean.”

She tucked her head under his, and he gently wrapped his arms around her. He would travel with her for as long as he could, and then he would pass on the last journey before the hanging, so he could disappear without anyone’s notice. He thought it was a good plan, and he smiled to himself as he hugged Dani against him. 

He just hoped he would be happy without him. He knew he wouldn’t have traded his time with Blackwall for anything, and he hoped she would feel the same way about him.

*

Dani walked in to see the surgeon at Skyhold. She’d been gone over a month with only a few opportunities to pop back in. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed, and she was surprised when Cassandra told her. She dropped everything to come back to Skyhold, and she waited patiently on a bed hidden behind a cloth screen.

She was relieved she’d bought a medical ward instead of a training hall. Cullen and Cassandra had hinted at a training hall, but Dani hated seeing soldiers out trying to recover on the grass. And now she could take full advantage of it.

The surgeon said, “Inquisitor. What seems to be the problem?”

“I’ve missed my cycle,” she said.

“That often happens when one travels as much as you do,” she said. “Both Vivienne and Cassandra had talked to me about weight loss, but they said you seemed to be levelling out again.”

“I believe I’ve missed it twice,” Dani said. “I’m not good at judging how much time has passed, and I use it to help me judge the months. I don’t - I don’t miss cycles.”

“I’m going to ask a few personal questions, but if there’s something you don’t want to answer, go ahead and not answer, all right?”

“Okay.”

The surgeon asked, “When you were with the Qun, were your cycles regular?”

“I didn’t have them,” Dani replied. “They gave me something every month. I could feel the changes in my body as if I was having one, but the flow never occurred. It was painful. As soon as I was away from them, it came back. It’s steady.”

“And ever since you’ve left the Qun, you’ve had your cycle at a consistent time every month?” the surgeon asked.

“Yes,” Dani replied. “I don’t really keep track of how accurate it is, but this is the first time my companions mentioned how long we’d stayed out, and I usually use it to judge time. I like being in Skyhold for it, if I can.”

“Did you feel it passing as if someone had given you what the Qunari had given you?”

“No,” Dani replied. “I would have come back if I had thought something should happen.”

“Have you been sexually active with anyone?” the surgeon asked. “I hear the Iron Bull gets around.”

Dani hesitated. “Yes.”

“He seems like a virile male,” the surgeon replied. “We’ll have to take some precautions if it is a pregnancy to make sure-”

“It’s not Bull,” Dani replied. “I’ve been having a relationship with Blackwall. We haven’t made the physical part very public yet. It was just once - well, a few times, but one night.”

The Surgeon thinned her lips. “Blackwall the Grey Warden? Well, I’ll definitely have to take a look, but there are going to be some problems if it is a pregnancy.”

“What should I be prepared for?”

“Children with mixed parents like this do not often come to term,” the surgeon said. “I suppose you never thought to use any protection?”

“No, I didn’t really think it was a thing that happened.”

“Pregnancies happen,” the surgeon said. “Not often, but it’s not unheard of. You’ll very likely miscarry. I can force it, but there is a chance the child will make it to term, especially since we caught the pregnancy early - if it is a pregnancy. We’ll have to change your lifestyle in the meantime-”

“So I just, what, put the Inquisition on hold for nine months?” Dani asked. “I can’t do that.”

“No, we’ll find ways to put less stress on the body,” the surgeon said. “We’ll give you supplements. We’ll make sure if we can send someone else to travel, we send someone else instead. It’s not impossible to bring the child safely to term, but it will be difficult.”

“Will it be healthy?”

“Many healthy mixed children have come before it,” she said. “I haven’t heard of a mixed Qunari - um, Tal-Vashoth - before, but I will do some research. The other factors will be some unknown ones.”

“Such as?”

“The anchor on your hand,” she replied. “It may not play a factor at all, but we should take it into consideration. And the other is that Blackwall is a Grey Warden. I’ll have to do some research about whether or not the Darkspawn blood he drank will taint the child as well. I can’t recall off the top of my head - pregnancies aren’t really my speciality. I know a few specialists we could bring in, but I’ll make certain you are pregnant before I call anyone.”

Dani sighed and said, “What do I need to do?”

“Change into this,” she said, handing Dani a robe. “You have my confidence, Inquisitor. I know Vivienne and Cassandra have put feelers out about your health, but this I will keep quiet unless you tell me otherwise.”

“Please do,” Dani said. “I don’t know what to do if I am pregnant.”

The surgeon squeezed Dani’s arm and offered her a warm smile. “You’re a natural healer. I’m certain you can bring this child safely to term if that’s what you want. I’ll do some research and find a specialist, and we’ll figure out exactly how to change your lifestyle while still fighting for Thedas.”

“I really appreciate this,” Dani said, relaxing some. “Let’s find out.”

*

Dani found Blackwall alone in the barn. She didn’t know how to tell him, and when tried to talk to him, he stayed quiet. She said, “Do you want to get smashed?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t seem to notice that she wasn’t drinking with him. He was quiet and stared ahead. Her skin crawled. She felt very alone in that moment, and when she pressed her leg against Blackwall’s, he drew his away. He was snippy with Sera and Bull, and Blackwall got into a brief shouting match with Sera. He stopped when Dani put her hand on his leg, and she’d noticed it was as if she literally put her hand over his mouth. She was left in silence again, and not the comfortable silence she was used to where she could hear the smile in his sigh.

She asked, “Are you upset with me for leaving you alone?”

“What? No,” he said. “No, of course not. I asked you to leave me behind.”

“I didn’t realize how long I’d been gone. I-”

“No, I’m not upset about that.”

“Did I do something?”

“No,” he said, cupping her cheeks. “No, you’re perfect.”

She smiled as he nuzzled her. She stroked his beard. She didn’t want to tell him about it when he was upset. But she asked, “Do you still want to be with me?”

“Of course, Dani.”

She smiled and kissed him. He replied nothing as he nuzzled her. She felt better just touching him. She wondered if the others set him off. She said, “Why don’t we just get out of here? Go somewhere private?”

“Whatever you’d like.”

He took her hand and led her up into the barn’s loft. He roughly kissed her, and the force surprised her. She rubbed his chest, and he pulled off his tunic as he kissed her neck. He was rushing. He pulled off her shirt and pinned her against the hay. It dug into her back, and she winced as he kissed under her chin again. He squeezed her breast, pinching her nipple a bit too roughly.

“Hold on,” she said, lightly pushing him off of her. “I need a moment.”

He didn’t reply. She sat up, and he gently pulled her aside to lay down a blanket. She took off her pants and set them down with her shirt, feeling them to make sure they were both there, and then sat down on the blanket. She traced her hands down his chest, and he kissed her softly. She spread her legs and drew him against her, and he kissed her harder, prying open her mouth with his own.

She slid her hand down his pants to feel his cock, finding it soft. “Is everything all right?” she asked.

“I’ll be fine in a minute.”

“Blackwall-”

“This is want you want, right?”

Rushed, uncomfortable sex in a loft? No. “I just want to be with you,” she said. “We don’t need to do this.”

He sighed and relaxed against her. He buried his face in her neck, and she squeezed him. She hooked her legs behind his and nuzzled into his hair. “My perfect, beautiful giantess.”

“I’m hardly perfect,” she said with a laugh. “And my nose is broken and my teeth-”

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, softly. “Your smile is so big it spreads to everyone around you. Your nose is charming. I love every curl and every scar.”

He traced his finger along one of her scars on her shoulder. He kissed under her chin. “You’re a proper fool with very low standards,” she said.

“I may be a proper fool, but I have very high standards,” he said. “You’re the Inquisitor. You’re the leader of these people. You’ll save Thedas. I knew you were different the moment I saw Sera hiding behind you. Not many people hide behind a mage, and not many mages are willing to be shields.”

“Have you met Vivienne?”

He chuckled. “Point taken. And I remember when I first felt your barrier. I was so surprised - I felt like I could fight anything. I felt like I could face a dragon - and I suppose we know now I could.”

“You’re the only one I’ve never had to heal in the midst of battle. Did you know that?” she asked. “You’re so strong. I know you’ve run through dragon’s fire-”

“Probably screaming-”

“Cursing in the most charming way,” she said with a laugh. “The Iron Bull likes to yell and keep me updated on the amazing things he’s doing, and I’ll revive him five times in that fight. I just hear your sword and shield and I know we’ll be fine.”

She felt him frown against her and she hugged him. He rolled them onto their sides and hooked her leg over his hip. He kissed her, lightly touching her chin before tracing his fingers down her neck. “You’ve changed me,” he said. “You’ve made me realize I can be what I’ve always wanted to be.”

“And what’s that?”

“Strong, honest, noble,” he said. “Righteous. I want to do what’s right for once.”

“I can’t imagine you not doing what’s right.”

He hesitated, and she smiled and nuzzled him. She folded her arms against his chest, knitting her fingers into the hair there. She said, “I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you.”

He took off her blindfold, and heat rushed to her cheeks as she felt him watching her. He hugged her tightly, and she nuzzled into his beard. He stroked her hair, and she relaxed against him. She decided she could tell him in the morning.

*

Dani leaned against the prison bars, and as she touched Blackwall’s arm, he pulled away. “I thought we didn’t have anything left to talk about,” he said.

“Tell me everything that happened,” she said.

“I’d prefer not to.”

“I think you owe me that much,” she replied. “You offered yourself up to save an innocent man.”

“I placed the orders,” Blackwall said. “No one else should die because of me.”

“Start at the beginning,” she said.

As he told the events, Dani leaned with her back to the bars as she listened. She noticed Blackwall sat on the other side of her, leaning his back against the bars as well. He said, “It’s important to me that I see this through.”

“You mean, see hanging through.”

“I did it, Inquisitor. I did it, I ran, and I pretended to be someone I’m not to get out of it. You inspired me to own up to my crimes. I didn’t want this man to die because of me. I’m happy to die if it means he doesn’t die for me.”

Dani sighed and said, “You found out when we went to the Orlesian Ball.”

“I found a paper there, yes.”

“Do you really think you should die though?” Dani asked. “I’ve heard them in the streets. They want you hanged.”

“I did what I did, Inquisitor.”

Dani sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. He was still Blackwall to her. The anger hadn’t settled in just yet. She could hear Cullen talking to one of the guards, and she kept her voice low as she said, “I was on a boat when I escaped. We were with others who were being brought back to the Qun for retraining. They were going to take out my tongue when we arrived. One of the prisoners figured out how I could communicate when my mouth and eyes were sewn shut. He spoke softly to me, and I tapped his arm. We were hardly together. We were lucky it was a long boat ride.

“He took out the man who I had to obey. I took out the rest of the guards with lightning. In an instant there was enough chaos for the others to be freed. We took the boat and landed in Ferelden,” Dani said. “The Tal-Vashoth who helped me, he still writes me sometimes. Some of the others thought he should learn how to control me. We both killed them.”

“But that’s different,” Blackwall said. “You had to escape. You wanted to join the Circle.”

Dani laughed and tilted her head. “I never knew about the Circle when I was with the Qun. I’d never heard of it before. We were mercenaries, and we took terrible jobs for money. Who could do the most gruesome jobs? The Tal-Vashoth. And what was better than a Tal-Vashoth? One that was blind and couldn’t even see the horrible things she did.

“One of the jobs we took was to grab this escaped elf servant and her son. We knew she’d been raped and that the son was our employer’s. We were paid enough to look the other way. They were scared when we found them, but the boy was really young. He had a teddy bear. At night when we stopped, she’d tell her son these amazing stories to help him sleep. There was one about the dread wolf I used to remember so well.

“I talked to them. The others were a little upset that I was getting too close to our job, but they mostly looked the other way. The little boy let me hold his bear. It was so soft - I couldn’t believe how soft it was considering how far they’d run. His mother told me of the circle. Her employer wanted to send their son to the circle. He’d been showing some signs of magic. I hadn’t heard much of the circle before - I’d killed templars without realizing why they were after me - and she told me about it.

“I was a proper fool and thought it sounded wonderful. I told her what they did to me in the Qun, and I told her I would have loved being around other mages to properly hone my skills. Even then I admitted I barely knew what I was doing. The boy told me I could still join the circle and I said I didn’t realize that. So I said I’d join with him and leave this behind. She seemed comforted by that. Her son seemed less afraid. Perhaps the contrast of what happened to me showed them that things could have been worse.

“The circles were destroyed by the time I got them back to the city. I killed her employer, of course, and robbed him. Gave some money to her and the other servants. They were Andrastian, and they thought She had sent me. I thought - well I thought they were fools - but I liked that they had found comfort in Her. So I left the group to go to the chantry. A few others came with me. She had told me a few stories about the Hero of Ferelden and I heard more stories at the Chantry.

“A few people there had mentioned that there still weren’t scads of Grey Wardens, so I went to try to join for a while. We never came across any, so we went to another Chantry. And that’s when everything started here.”

“So I’m supposed to feel better because you did terrible things for money in your past too?” Blackwall asked.

“I want to know if I should be in that cell with you,” Dani said. “Should I step down from being the Inquisitor? Does knowing that make me less of one? Does it change your opinion of me?”

He didn’t immediately reply, and she slipped her hands through the bars to touch his arm. He put his hand on top of hers and said, “You’re not that person anymore.”

“Neither are you,” Dani replied.

“But I can’t let an innocent man die,” he said. “I pretended to be someone else. You never did. If someone came to you asking for you to pay for your crimes, you would do it without a second thought. I’m sorry to be leaving you - I didn’t want you to find out, but I have to see this through. I can’t keep running.”

He squeezed her hand and then pushed it out of the cell. He continued, “I know you’ll understand. Even if you’re mad now, you’ll understand.”

She didn’t want to tell him she was pregnant. If she couldn’t get him out of the cell - she didn’t want to think of that. She didn’t want to think of him dying knowing he’d left her like this. 

She stood up and said nothing further. She put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. He pressed his hand against hers as she walked away. She knew he’d be angry if she tried to save him, but she wouldn’t leave him behind. Whoever he was, she saw herself reflected in him. She would have stolen a name if she could have, but there’d never been an advantage to stealing another Tal-Vashoth’s name.

She asked Cullen, “What can we do?”


	8. Chapter 8

Blackwall walked out of Skyhold with his head aching. He hunched over his shoulders and carried a bedroll under his arm. He was so angry his teeth hurt. He could feel the tension through his body. He moved into the barn and frowned as he looked at the rocking griffin. There were no children here. Why did he make this? He hated it.

“Blackwall.”

Thom turned to face Sera. He dropped the bedroll near the fire pit and didn’t say anything. He watched her. She looked about as angry as he felt. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” she snarled.

He shrugged. What was he supposed to say? I didn’t trust you enough? 

“Don’t give a fuck about who you used to be,” she said. “Don’t give a shit about who you are now except that we were supposed to be friends. Care that you lied. Really fucking care. Going off to die without the rest of us.”

He’d already heard the Inquisitor judge him in front of everyone. Part of him wanted to ask about the relationship, but another part of him was too angry to even want to continue it. He supposed he deserved everyone else’s judgment, but he was already tired of hearing about it.

“Not gonna say anything?” Sera asked.

“There’s nothing to say,” he replied.

Sera laughed. Blackwall knew people were looking. She asked, “What about Dani?”

“What about her?”

“Just had to get your dick wet before you left, didn’t yeah?” Sera snapped. “She comes out half-dressed begging someone to read her your stupid fucking letter. Don’t you care about how humiliated she was?”

He quietly said, “I got my dick wet before that, if you must know.”

Sera let out a yell in frustration. “Coulda just told me,” she snapped. “Coulda just trusted me.”

When he shrugged again, she slugged him in the face. It hurt a lot. He wasn’t ready for it when she hit him a second time, and he stumbled backwards. Blood dripped out of his nose, and he wiped it with his sleeve. “Feel better?” he asked.

She hit him again. He welcomed it. The pain felt good. She punched him again and then let out a frustrated yell. She came at him and they tousled. He fought her off of him as she clawed and kicked him. Every move he made was defensive, but he still couldn’t shrug off some of her blows. 

They laid on the ground side by side, panting. He saw his blood on Sera’s knuckles and under her nails. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Course I’m fucking all right,” she said, standing up. “Don’t care if you are.”

“Neither do I,” he muttered.

She offered him a half-smile. “Still mad, yeah? But would have been madder if you’d gotten yourself killed. Boring here without you.”

“You would have had Dani.”

“Yeah, but she has other friends,” Sera said.

Blackwall laughed and then winced as a pain shot through his stomach. “That’s very true,” he said, clutching himself.

Sera walked away, and Blackwall decided to stay on the ground. At least he had Sera. He closed his eyes and considered sleeping when he heard Dani’s voice. “Blackwall?”

He sighed.

“I heard you,” she said. “Where are you?”

“I’m on the ground,” he said.

She sat down next to him. She hugged her knees to her chest. She looked very small and shaken. He knew she hated sitting in judgment, and he knew she had other business to attend to after she spoke with him. She asked, “Do you want to keep yelling at me?”

“I just can’t believe you’d taint the Inquisition for me,” Blackwall said. “You pulled strings. People wanted to see me pay for what I’d done.”

“I want you to live so I can see all the good you were meant to do,” Dani said. “You’ve already done so much for us. I can’t - I won’t let you turn away from that.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I? I can’t go anywhere now.”

She propped her head on her knees and said, “Would you really rather hang than be with me?”

“No,” he said. “But I don’t think it’s right that I get looked over because I’m with you. I didn’t want you involved. What if you regret it? What if it’s a black spot on your Inquisition?”

“It wouldn’t be the only one,” Dani said. “I’ve made mistakes. I’ll make more.”

Blackwall watched her and sat up. She looked different somehow, but he couldn’t place what had changed. He wanted to hold her. “How did you get me out?” he asked.

“Josephine pulled a few favours and paid handsomely for you,” Dani said. “I made sure some money went to the right places as well as an apology. I know it doesn’t fix everything, but-” she paused and then said, “Your man - the one they were going to kill. I’ve made sure he’s all right too.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“Cullen wanted to bring you in with soldiers,” she said with a laugh. “Just claim you were to be judged by the Inquisition and take you. Could you imagine? We would have started another war. Leliana had a traitor who looked enough like you that she thought she could swap you with him. I knew you wouldn’t be comfortable with another man hanging for you, regardless of whether or not he deserved it.”

“I appreciate that,” Blackwall said. “I don’t approve of what you did and I may be ungrateful for a while, but-” he hesitated and then he said, “but I’m not going to pretend I don’t love the opportunity to serve under you again - and I truly am.”

“Are you still sore with me?” she asked.

“I just fear I’ve changed you for the worse,” he said.

“I would have done that for any one of my inner circle,” she said, “even the Iron Bull, if you can believe that. We’ve all been through too much together, and I know - I believe that I know the core of who everyone is. You’re not that man anymore. I don’t believe you have been for a long time.”

“And you’re not the woman you used to be.”

She laughed weakly. “I certainly am not,” she said.

“May I ask you a question?”

“I won’t promise that I’ll answer,” she said.

“If you’ve killed innocents before, why do you get upset now?”

“Honestly?”

“If you’re comfortable confiding in me.”

“I just,” she held out her hand as if it would explain and then hugged her legs again. “It just never occurred to me that they had a life outside of my paycheck. I never thought ahead before I came here. Even when I stopped being a mercenary of that type, I didn’t think much of the consequences. I left my party to seek out the Chantry. I left the Chantry to seek out the Grey Wardens. I came back to the Chantry. 

“I didn’t know the Tal-Vashoth who travelled with me. We just came in on the same boat. The few I actually cared about didn’t stop being mercenaries to follow me, though I do not believe they are as ruthless as we used to be. The first time I cared that a decision I made mattered to someone else was when I saved that woman and her child - if you could call it saving.”

“I would call it saving,” Blackwall said, smiling at her.

“Before it was just like you. I wanted the money, and it didn’t matter what I did to get it. I could say we needed it for clothes or food, but honestly we spent it mostly on booze - sometimes sex, though not for me.” 

She hesitated in thought, and he watched her, trying to piece what was different. She continued, “Maybe it matters so much now because I know I squandered it before. All of those choices I made back then mattered to someone else and I didn’t care. But now I do. Now it matters, and I’m constantly reminded about how much it matters.

“So, no, when I found you, I wasn’t going to look the other way. I know it may hurt the victims to see you live, but they would have gained nothing but ephemeral satisfaction had you died. I would have gained more. The Inquisition would have gained more. Maker, Blackwall, I would have done it for Sera’s happiness alone.”

“I’m sorry to have put you in that position.”

“I’m sorry you think it’s corrupted me,” she said. “I’m sorry if you think I’m using my power for the wrong reasons. I don’t. And I know what I think matters to a lot of people - and I know it matters to me.”

“I should have just told you,” he said. “I just thought if I disappeared as Blackwall, maybe you would have been happier being with who you thought I was. Maybe it would have been better not knowing.”

“If anything we just have more in common now,” she replied. “We’ve both done terrible things. We both sought out the Grey Wardens for redemption. We both ended up here.”

“No matter what we were or what becomes of us, right now I am just a man with his heart laid bare.”

Dani hugged herself tighter, and she let out a sob. The crack in her voice wounded him deeper than any blade. He put his hand on her back and asked, “Dani, what’s wrong?”

“You might not want me,” she said.

“Of course I want you,” he said, rubbing her back. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

“I miscarried,” she said. 

“What-”

“After I spoke with you in prison, Josephine said she’d be a while springing you, so I went to work in the Exalted Plains. We fought for days straight. I pushed myself. I couldn’t sleep. No one knew or else they would have held me back. As soon as I realized, I came back to Skyhold and the surgeon confirmed that I lost it. I was foolish. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t know how to take care of another person.”

“Dani-”

“I’ve closed almost all the rifts in the Exalted Plains,” she said. “We have some elf friends there too. I saw a Golden Halla. Are they supposed to be good luck or something? I don’t know.”

“You were pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“It was mine?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not now?”

She simply nodded.

“I didn’t even know it was possible,” he said, now rubbing her arms, pulling her closer to him. “Are you feeling all right?”

“It’s been some time,” she said. “Varric, Cassandra, and Cole know. They promised not to say anything.”

“Cole?”

Dani nodded. “Solas had been with us most of the time, but he was upset after we couldn’t save his friend, so I gave him some space and brought Cole along. It was shortly after that it happened.”

Blackwall tried to process this. He wasn’t angry she hadn’t told him. He understood why. He was mostly sorry he’d missed out and excited it had happened at all. He smiled and brushed her hair off of her forehead. “Does this mean it could happen again?”

“A pregnancy?” she asked. “Yes.”

“Would you - I mean, would you want it to happen once things calmed down?”

She hesitated, and he realized he was afraid she’d say no. He lightly took her hand in his. She smiled and said, “I think so, maybe. I mean, I’d want to talk about it first.”

“I think I’d like it,” he said. “I’m truly sorry I wasn’t there to support you.”

“I thought about not telling you, but-”

“I’m glad you did,” he replied, “and I should have just told you everything. I wanted to. I really did. There were so many moments I almost did-”

“We’ve got it sorted out now,” she said, “and no one else has gotten physically hurt. I suspect our companions might give you a hard time.”

“Sera’s already seen me,” he said. “She’s mad, but I think she’s over the hump.”

“And we’re good, right?”

“We’re good,” he said, “but you didn’t say-”

“You’ll still have me?” she asked, squeezing his hand.

“Of course,” he said. “You?”

She smiled. “Of course.” 

He propped his forehead against hers. He kissed her gently, but he winced as she brushed her nose against his. “What’s wrong?” she asked. She hesitated and said, “Am I tasting blood?”

Blackwall laughed softly and said, “I did say Sera’s already seen me.”

*

Dani awoke next to Blackwall. She brushed his hair away from the back of his neck and kissed it. He grumbled, and she slipped her hands across his chest and nuzzled into his neck. She kissed his ear and he smiled as he turned over and wrapped his arms around her. “Morning,” he said, gently pecking her lips. He continued, “Thank you for convincing me to stay with you.”

“It beats a prison cell, right?”

“It beats crashing in the barn,” he said. He smiled against his lips and squeezed her. “It’s better than anything I’d ever imagined.”

Dani smiled and tucked her nose next to his. He lightly touched her leg, draping it over his hip. She asked, “Will you ever run out of nice things to say about me?”

“Never,” he said, a bit sharply. “You’re the one person who completely understands me, and I am honoured you’d still want to be with me when you could have anyone else.”

“In my defence, there aren’t a lot of people interested in sleeping with a Tal-Vashoth around here,” she said.

“You mean you’ve asked?” he said with mock shock. “You’ve settled for me?”

She smiled and kissed him again, and he urged the kiss deeper, gently tracing his hand down her back. She folded her arms against his chest and tucked her head under his chin, smiling against his beard. She thought about what she lost and what could have been, and she felt a little guilty about the relief that passed through her. How was she supposed to fight Corypheus if she’d been pregnant? How was she supposed to raise a child in a world like this?

He breathed into her hair and brushed his fingers against the back of her neck. She said, “Do I have to get up yet?”

“No,” he said. “I can chase them away if you need the day.”

She did want to spend the day with him, just like this. His and Varric’s bedroom behaviours contrasted. Blackwall was always nervous and restless when she changed, flustered and unsure of himself. Varric was mostly forward, using the opportunity to touch and tease her before leading her into the bed, where he’d start to write as she cuddled into his chest. Her broken horn kept his writing board at the perfect angle. He’d read it to her as he wrote it, and he shifted a lot. Sometimes he’d get up and pace.

She’d only actually slept with Blackwall a few times, but he was a steady fixture. He’d simply hold her and talk quietly. His fingers were always on her skin. Even if she woke up apart from him, he was always eager to wrap around her again. He’d woken her up more than once by nuzzling into her back while she slept.

She wasn’t sure if Blackwall had fallen back to sleep now, but his fingers still brushed against the back of her neck. Varric would have been up and starting his day, eager to heave her out of bed and start hers as well. And Cassandra barked at her to wake up and opened the balcony doors to let in the cool air. If Dani complained, Cassandra would start to pull her out of bed. Vivienne was more tactful. Opening the doors while telling her how much she’d already accomplished today, and how little Dani would accomplish if she didn’t get out of bed.

It occurred to Dani that she liked being in bed. She liked it better with Blackwall encouraging her to stay.

She wanted the day, and guilt weighed down on her. There were open rifts and people dying, but she felt as though a part of herself died. Cassandra told her to stay focussed and work through it. She couldn’t feel sad if she kept busy. Varric said nothing at all. Cole simply spouted her own thoughts back to her.

“Are you all right, love?” Blackwall asked.

“I think I will be,” she said. “Are you?”

He chuckled. He echoed her, “I will be.”

She liked the sound of him calling her love. Had someone else called her that before? It sounded different coming from him. “What do you prefer I call you? Rainier?”

He spouted out something about Blackwall being a title - a goal to strive towards. She said, “But when it’s just us? I don’t want you to think that I’m still pretending you’re him. If you prefer Blackwall, that’s fine. We’ve both taken our names from people we strive to be like.”

“We have,” he said, absently. “I encouraged you to take another person’s name.”

“But I am not pretending to be a dwarf,” Dani said with a chuckle. “And you’re not pretending to be Blackwall anymore.”

“When you travelled into the future I told you to call me Thom,” he said. “In private, you can do that. You can call me Blackwall or Rainier in public, whichever comes to you. I suspect the others will be calling me Rainier.”

“Do you suppose I should change my name again?” she asked.

“Why would you want to?”

She thought for a moment. They had always called her Dani instead of Daniela. Had the others called the Hero of Ferelden Dani too? She remembered Alistair’s words to her. She remembered how sharply he avoided her questions and how he had done so much more than just been by her side.

“I don’t want to die,” Dani said. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Blackwall hugged her tightly. “What brought that on, love?”

“I would die if it meant saving everyone,” she said. “You know that I would. If the anchor on my hand kills me, okay, I’ll accept that. But if there’s a way to survive - I’d like to survive. I’ve experienced so little of the world and I thought - I thought it would be okay to die here. I am a suitable sacrifice for the greater good. I’ve had a rough life and no one would miss me-”

“But I’d miss you-”

“I know Thom,” she said. “And I want to survive. I want to be with you. I want to try to have children with you. Could you imagine having children? I never even thought of it before. The surgeon said it wouldn’t be easy, but - I want it. I want to hear every subtle change in your voice as it ages. I want to feel your hair grow coarser and your skin turn looser and your stomach turn softer-”

“You have very low expectations for how I age,” Blackwall said with a chuckle.

Dani hugged him tightly and said, “I don’t want to be her anymore. I want to emulate parts of her and, if I have to die, I will, Thom, but I don’t want to be her shadow just as you are no longer Blackwall’s.”

“So you want to change your name?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied. “It wouldn’t matter, would it? They always call me ‘Inquisitor Adaar’ and they always will.”

“Unless we wed.”

“Oh, Inquisitor Rainier,” she said. “I’m pronouncing it wrong.”

“Rainier.”

She dreamily said, “Rainier.”

“It’s a shit name to have, love,” he said with a laugh. “I’d rather change mine to Adaar.”

“Perhaps Josephine could arrange that,” Dani said with a smile.

She squirmed up on Blackwall to peck his lips, and he brushed the back of his hand against his cheek. He kissed her again, a bit deeper, before parting their lips. He asked, “Have you thought of a name?”

“None,” she said. “Perhaps I should speak with Bull about Tal-Vashoth names. I can’t ignore what I am.”

“You still have the name Adaar,” Blackwall said. “And his name is The Iron Bull. He likes the ‘The’ because it dehumanizes him.”

Dani sat up and said, “You’re right. He’s not the one to ask about names. I’ll pop in on Varric and see what he has to say.”

“You’re comfortable with that?”

She hesitated. “Are you comfortable with that?”

“So long as you are, love.”

“I’ll go see Varric and then check the War Table,” she said, climbing out of bed. “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you’d like.”

“Just let me know if you’re leaving Skyhold,” Blackwall replied. “If it’s not a hassle, I would like to go with you.”

Dani smiled and moved to his side of the bed. She nuzzled him and said, “It’s a huge hassle.”

He pecked her lips, and she turned her back on him as she pulled off her shirt to dress. She asked, “How’s your face feel?”

“Sore,” he said. “But I’m all right.”

*

Varric covered his papers without thinking as Dani approached. She pulled up a chair next to him and asked, “Are you busy?”

“A bit.”

“I can wait,” she said.

Varric softened. She looked determined, and she sat with prim posture and her hands folded in her lap. He smiled and she started to slouch. His smile faded as he thought of her sobbing in the Exalted Plains. He asked, “How are you holding up?”

“Fine.”

“Am I getting the cold shoulder because it’s me, or am I getting the cold shoulder because you don’t want to talk about it?”

She sighed. “What are you asking about? Corypheus? Blackwall? Or-”

“The Or.”

Silence lingered between them. He’d seen something change in Cassandra in that moment. The surgeon at the main camp gave Dani the news, and she just walked out into the grass - away from everyone. Cassandra was angry that Dani had let it consume her, that she let her grief show to everyone, but when she started to cry-

None of them knew she could.

Cassandra knelt beside her and rubbed her back. She didn’t say anything. She just sat with her. Varric tried to keep Cole away. He remembered his jarred words.

Hurts. Hate the relief. Have nothing left of him. Good. Is this it? Won’t happen again. Hurts so much. Wanted it. Can’t give it priority. Good. Couldn’t raise it. Why won’t it stop hurting? Did someone scoop out part of me? Supposed to be a healer. Natural healer. Should have been able to save it.

Dani clutched Cassandra at that moment. She grasped onto her and rested her head in her lap. Cassandra took down her hair and stroked it. She braided it. She told her to take as long as she needed. 

Cole said, “Don’t deserve her.”

Varric blinked as he looked at Dani now. She seemed cold and distant. Cassandra had told him in private that she thought Dani was getting better. She cried instead of withdrawing into herself. She cried instead of letting her soul leave her body. She let the emotions overrun her. Cassandra decided it was progress.

But they didn’t speak of it again.

When they reached Skyhold, Varric saw Cole dragging something out of the barn. He followed him and realized it was a pelt. He brought it up to Dani’s room, and she laughed when he gave it to her. She hugged him, and he looked surprised. She kissed his forehead and said it was just what she needed.

He didn’t ask about it. He assumed it had something to do with Blackwall - Rainier. Varric asked, “Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

Varric turned back to the papers and said, “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

Dani fidgeted, running her fingers along her longer horn. She then said, “He was excited. I mean, he was sorry for me and for what I’d gone through, but he was excited at the possibility of-” she straightened up in the chair and then said, “I didn’t want you to get upset.”

“Why would I get,” his voice trailed off. He squeezed her arm and said, “I’m not upset. We’re still friends, right? I want you to be happy.”

“Yeah, we’re friends,” she replied, placing her hand over his. She said, “I want you to be happy too.”

“My real friends want me to be drunk,” he said.

“Isn’t that what I said?” Dani asked with a smile. “But listen, I came here for a reason.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I need a new name.”

“What?”

Dani shrugged. “I shouldn’t hide in someone’s shadow.”

“Is this because of Rainier?”

“Partly,” Dani replied, “but it’s also because of Alistair. I’m not the little castless dwarf I idolize. I don’t - I’m not as strong as her, and I don’t want people to think of me when they tell stories of her. I don’t want to taint her.”

Varric chuckled. “You’re hardly going to taint her.”

“You understand what I mean.”

“I don’t,” Varric said. “Not really, but if you want a new name, I can certainly make some suggestions.”

“Yeah? What d’you got?”

Varric looked at the pages from the increasingly embarrassing story he wrote about his fantasy life with her. He lightly pressed his finger against her name and smudged it.

“Hawke would love it if you took her name.”

“Adelaide,” Dani replied. “I’m trying to get away from, you know, other people’s names.”

“Every name is just a name for something else though,” he said.

“Well, how about no heroes then,” Dani said with a grin.

“Wow, picky,” Varric replied with a laugh. “We’ll figure something out.”

*

Blackwall walked on the upper level of the tavern as he looked for Sera. He could hear people whispering about him as he walked by, but he brushed it off. He supposed he’d get used to it. He walked back down the steps and noticed Bull waving him over. He sat down next to him and exhaled.

Bull said, “Now, isn’t this better? Getting the burden of that lie off your chest?”

Blackwall chuckled. “And exchanging it for the burden of everyone hating me?” he asked. “Yes, so much better.”

“Hey, I don’t hate you. You and me? We’re good,” Bull said. “Now that you know who you are, you can stop doubting yourself and start hitting crap again.”

Blackwall stood up and said, “Why don’t we hit a few bottles first, eh?”

“Sounds good,” Bull said, waving the girl over. “Looks like someone took a good swing at you.”

“Sera,” Blackwall said. “I think we’re all right now though.”

The barmaid brought over a few drinks and Blackwall found his evening going smoothly as he spoke and joked around with Bull. It was oddly freeing to not have to focus on keeping his cards close to his chest while drunk. Bull put an arm around Blackwall as he said, “You could’ve been one of the Chargers, Blackwall. You’ve got the stature, the attitude-”

Blackwall said, “And you’d be my boss.”

“Hey, I’m a great boss. I’m a firm believer in ‘No-Pants Fridays.’”

“And a mercenary. I’m done with that part of my life.”

“Why? Because you’re better now? Because there’s something wrong with working for gold?” Iron Bull said. “Think about my guys. They’re honest with themselves. You could have learned that lesson.”

“I’d rather fight for a cause.”

Bull said, “Hey, ‘No-Pants Fridays’ is a cause.”

He smirked and nudged Blackwall. Blackwall said, “I know you’re joking-”

“Who’s joking?”

“What we’re doing here with the Inquisitor is a cause,” Blackwall said, “and it’s something I happen to believe in.”

“Yeah, the Inquisitor’s ass is definitely a cause worth fighting for,” Bull said with a content sigh. “That’s a cause you just grip with both hands and-”

Blackwall cleared his throat, but he couldn’t help but smile back when Bull grinned at him. He was surprised he was having a good time, and it was nice to know someone was on his side. “I won’t bring it up,” Bull said. “And I don’t mean to rub salt in the wounds but she’s one hell of a woman.”

“Salt in the-?”

Bull put his hand on the inside of Blackwall’s thigh and said, “You don’t have to worry. There’s a lot to keep you busy. Like your firm grip.”

“You’ve already complimented my firm grip and-”

Bull rubbed Blackwall’s thigh and said, “Maybe we should compare our grips. See who can hold on the longest.”

Blackwall’s lips parted as Bull gently massaged his leg. He was flattered and perhaps a bit curious, but he said, “Dani and I didn’t break up.”

Bull hesitated, but didn’t pull his hand away. “And you’re exclusive.”

Blackwall laughed and patted Bull’s back. “She didn’t say, but I’m going to play it safe and say yes.”

Bull chuckled and pulled his hand away as he took another drink. “Well, then you really gripped the Inquisitor’s cause with both hands.”

“I did,” he said with a smirk. “And I don’t intend to let it go.”

“And you shouldn’t.”

*

When Dani arrived at the tavern, she found Bull and Blackwall incredibly smashed. She heard them shouting for her, and when she approached them, she found Blackwall pulling her into his lap. “Here she is!” Blackwall yelled.

He kissed her neck and traced his hand up her thigh. “Yes, I’m here,” she replied, laughing softly. “I’m flattered to receive this kind of reception.”

“You always deserve this kind of reception.”

“Two drunks yelling at me?” she asked, sliding out of Blackwall’s grasp. “I just came to let you know I’m going to bed-”

Bull made kissing noises, and Blackwall hopped out of his seat. “Then that’s where I’ll be, my lady.”

Blackwall draped his arm across Dani’s shoulders, leaning heavily on her. She wrapped her arm around his waist and kept him steady as they walked back to her bedroom. She hoped it wouldn’t become a habit for him to drink this heavily. He said, “Bull hit on me.”

“Did he now?”

“I guess not everyone knows we’re still together,” Blackwall said.

Dani helped Blackwall walk up the stairs to her room, and he cursed as he stumbled a few times. Dani said, “Would you like me to put up flyers?”

“Maker, no,” he said. “I just - put me down I have to tell you something.”

Dani sighed and heaved him onto the bed. She wasn’t sure what had turned him so serious in the past moment, but his tone suddenly changed. He said, “I don’t want to keep any secrets from you, and I found out about Varric, so you should know-”

Dani laughed and dropped into the bed next to Blackwall. “Did you fuck Bull tonight?”

“What? No. I was-” he hesitated and then said, “You would have been fine with that?”

Dani shrugged. “Maybe you have some needs I can’t fill. I mean, I would have been upset if you hadn’t come clean with me, and I would have preferred we discussed it first, but no, I’m not upset.”

“I didn’t fuck him,” Blackwall said, “but I mean, you should know I would have considered it if we weren’t together.”

“What are you trying to tell me?”

Blackwall rolled over and she felt his breath on her cheek. He loosely wrapped his arm around her waist and said, “I suppose you don’t care that I like men as well.”

“I’ve openly talked to you about being attracted to women.”

“Some people make a big deal of it,” Blackwall replied. “I’m not sure why I thought you might be hurt.”

“I’m hardly hurt,” she replied with a chuckle. She gave herself a moment to think of Blackwall and Bull fumbling together before she said, “So there have been men before.”

“Warden Blackwall,” he said. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I loved him, Dani.”

She wrapped her arm around him, pulling him closer. “It’s a shame you hardly had any time with him.”

“And he saved my life twice,” Thom said. “He gave me a purpose and he pulled me back from the edge. He made me the man I am today. And it’s strange, when I first met you, you reminded me of him. Here you were, cleaning up the Hinterlands, closing rifts, recruiting people. You offered me another purpose in my life. You both gave me a reason to live, to want to be alive. There’s always something worth dying for, but something worth living for? That doesn’t come every day.”

She waited, and he kept his arm loose around her. “I never thought I’d feel this way about another person. Lust is one thing, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and now - now I’ve met someone else and I want to do the same thing. You’re everything I could have asked for, and I’m not worthy of you, just like I wasn’t worthy of his time.”

“But he saw something in you.”

“Just as you saw something in me,” he said, taking her hand and pressing it against his chest. “You fought to keep me even though one of the people you had to fight was me. It was the same way with Blackwall. He had to fight to get me to feel noble again. I lived in his shadow and it kept him alive for me. And it’s - it’s such a relief to not have to hide anymore. I can put him to rest.”

He hugged her and nuzzled into the top of her head. She stayed still, fearing even a slight movement would draw him from his thoughts. He sighed and said, “I’m very drunk, Dani.”

“I hope you won’t regret confiding in me,” she softly replied, wrapping her arms around him.

He laughed and squeezed her. “I should have told you sooner. I just honestly hadn’t thought of it. It wasn’t something I intentionally kept from you - not after you found out who I was. Bull just made me realize I never told you.”

“I’ll have to thank him later. Or you will have to properly thank him,” she said.

He smiled and relaxed. “I think I’d like us to just be us for a while.”

“Me too,” she said.

“I almost forgot,” he said, drawing away from her slightly. “Have you decided on a new name?”

“Nazile,” she said. “Varric compiled a list of names and that’s the one I picked.”

“Does it mean anything?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I like the sound of it.”

“Nazile,” he said. “I like it.”

“Good.”

“I love Nazile,” he murmured against her lips.

*

Nazile stopped in the garden to find Barkspawn laying on his back, wiggling in front of Morrigan. She knew the sound of his rustling and panting. Morrigan said, firmly, “I am not petting you, Zaeed.”

Barkspawn patiently waited. Nazile offered her a smile as she approached, and she knelt on the ground to pet the mabari’s belly. Morrigan’s upper lip stayed risen as she said, “You’d think he’d have forgotten me.”

“I apologize if it seems as though I’ve forgotten you,” Nazile said. “I meant to speak with you earlier, but-”

Morrigan shrugged. “You listened to what I had to say about the Eluvian. What more do we have to discuss? Are you planning to leave?”

“Not quite yet,” Nazile replied, petting under Barkspawn’s arms. “I just thought - I don’t know - that you might want to talk.”

“You mean you want to ask me questions about the Grey Warden.”

Nazile smiled sheepishly and said, “Leliana warned you.”

“She did,” Morrigan said.

Nazile sat down and Barkspawn rested his head in her lap. She patiently stroked behind his ears. She asked, “What was it like travelling with her?”

“Nothing like this castle,” Morrigan said. “We got ambushed at our camp. It certainly wouldn’t happen here. Leliana tells me you know Sten.”

“Yes.”

“Ah, you’d prefer not to discuss it.”

“Yes.”

She could hear the smile in her voice as she said, “They’re all aware of what you’ve been through, but it never occurs to any of them that Sten wouldn’t be on your side.”

“I can say he offered me hope when no one else did.”

“I suppose that would certainly be something in that situation. And that’s why you cling to stories of Daniela, correct? You heard about a woman who escaped her oppressed position and became a hero. You would have settled for just escaping.”

“Now I am receiving my dream, though I’m not sure how much of a hero I am.”

“From what I’ve heard and seen, you’ve been handling yourself just fine.”

Nazile wasn’t certain it was a compliment or not. She found it hard to read Morrigan, and Leliana mentioned she couldn’t be fully trusted. Nazile wanted to like her. She was a self-made woman and a mage to top it all off. She heard rumours that she was a shapeshifter, and Nazile thought she would like that particular skill.

“Could you tell me anything else about her?” Nazile asked. “They say you were one of the first she met along the way - that you helped her.”

She didn’t hear anything from Morrigan immediately, and she waited with Barkspawn’s head in her lap. Morrigan said, “She was a dear friend to me, perhaps my first real friend. Sometimes I wonder if she was my only.”

Nazile chuckled. “I know that feeling.”

“You’re surrounded by people who think you’ve been touched by a god.”

“You were in Celine’s court. You know exactly what I mean.”

“Your inner circle seems loyal.”

Nazile considered Varric. Tucked away in his corner of Skyhold, only making enough of an appearance for people to consider him present. She missed him. She tried to remember the last time Dorian sat on her shoulders. Her siding with Rainier caused a ripple in her companions. Even Bull acted a bit differently, though Nazile couldn’t tell if he was impressed she fought for him or considered it a weakness in her character. Only Sera stayed the same, privately relieved that Nazile hadn’t tossed aside her dear friend.

“Yes, it certainly seems that way,” Nazile said. “But you understand what I mean.”

“You never know who will leave in the middle of the night after a fight.”

Nazile didn’t realize Morrigan meant herself, and she fidgeted as she thought of Rainier. She told herself he wouldn’t leave her, but there was a tiny hole of doubt that lingered in her stomach. A nasty part of her whispered that he tried to escape from her.

Morrigan said, “Daniela and I didn’t part of kind terms. I regret not seeing it through to the end with her, but I knew she would die - that she chose to die - because she didn’t trust my intentions enough. Or perhaps because she loved that fool too much.” Morrigan quickly said, “It’s not something I like to discuss much, but it is something anyone who knows asks.”

“Alistair and Leliana mentioned the same thing,” Nazile replied. She couldn’t stop thinking of Varric. He left because he feared she would choose to die - because she tried to once before. The parallels turned her stomach. She stood up and apologized, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. It never occurs to me how personal it would be even though I’m in a similar situation. I can think of many things I would rather not discuss.”

“Like Rainier?”

Nazile laughed. “Everyone discusses Rainier. I have no secrets there.”

“But would you want to discuss it with someone? Waking up and finding nothing beside you except for a note you couldn’t read and a badge?”

Nazile smiled softly and said, “You’ve picked the wrong topic. What do you want to hear? How scared I was to face the rest of this without him? How I thought he left me because I am a big, ugly Tal-Vashoth?”

“No, of course not-”

“I understand what you’re trying to say,” Nazile said. “Rainier is just not the right topic. I’ll leave you and contact you when we leave for the Arbor Wilds.”

“Until then, Inquisitor.” She heard Morrigan say to Barkspawn, “No, I am not petting you. Lay there all you like.”

*

Varric stopped writing as he watched Nazile approach him. He knew Cole sat at the end of a row of bookcases, wedged by the window. Every so often he heard him speaking his thoughts or others. Ever since he tried to be more human, Cole had taken to spending more time with him, though they didn’t speak much. He just knew Cole was around, and he assumed if Cole was nearby it was because he appreciated his company. It hardly bothered him, he wasn’t flattered mostly, but he wasn’t sure if Nazile sought him out or Cole.

He asked her, “Are you looking for me?”

Nazile kneeled in front of him and gently wrapped her arms around him. “I miss you.”

She pulled him against her, resting her head under his own. He sighed and said, “You’re with Rainier.”

“I don’t mean like that,” Nazile said. “I miss when we were friends.”

“We’re friends.”

“Are we going to be like Morrigan and Daniela?” she asked. “Will it be painful to talk about our friendship in the years to come?”

Varric hugged her against him, and she squeezed him tighter as he replied, “No, of course not.”

“It’s felt like ages since you’ve read to me.”

“We finished the Champion of Kirkwall,” Varric said.

“You could start Hard in Hightown,” Nazile said. “You could read to me what you’re writing now. Maybe it’ll help give you some ideas.”

Varric smiled softly and said, “I can’t read to you what I’m writing now, but if you want Hard in Hightown, okay. I’ll find a copy. But just me and you, okay? I don’t want a ceremony like last time.”

“You loved the ceremony,” Nazile said, drawing away slightly.

He mostly didn’t want to see Nazile draped around Blackwall instead of him. He accepted that Blackwall was a better match, but he didn’t want to reopen any wounds. Still, it felt good to have Nazile touch him with innocent affection again. He said, “I may have loved the ceremony, but let’s just let it be our thing, all right?”

She smiled and nodded. “All right.” She drew away from him and said, “I’ll let you get back to it then.”

“Wait,” he said. “I’ve been doing some research, and there are books available for those who are blind.”

A smile spread across her face. “Really?”

“The pages are cut in such a way that your fingers read the letters. Hard in Hightown has an edition like that,” Varric said. “We could try to order one in and figure it out.”

Nazile nodded. “I like the sound of that,” she said, “but until then I would still like to hear you read, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Sure,” he replied. “Just let me know whenever you want to listen.”

“I will,” she replied.

He watched as she left, and then he turned back to his pages. He exhaled.

*

As they walked through the Emerald Graves, Varric and Solas actively discussed the Grey Wardens, with Solas’ opinion being a negative one. Blackwall said, “Excuse me?”

“I would be interested in having this conversation with a real warden,” Solas nonchalantly said before turning back to Varric.

“Hold on,” Nazile said. “What was that?”

“Well Rainier isn’t a-”

Blackwall said, “Nazile, don’t.”

“He only trained countless Grey Wardens. He only served them from a distance. He did everything but drink the darkspawn blood,” Nazile said.

“And he might not have even survived that ritual,” Solas said. “If he had survived, he would have gone with the other Wardens because he heard the calling - or he would have gone off to fight Darkspawn until he died. Either way, he would have been useless to you, in every capacity.”

“You don’t know that,” Nazile said, grinding her teeth.

“No, I don’t. Because it didn’t happen,” he said, sharply. “Instead we have a-”

“Solas I’m going to ram my anchor so far up your ass that you’re going to feel the fade in a completely new way,” Nazile snarled.

“Careful, he might be into that,” Varric said with a laugh, nudging Nazile.

Nazile stayed positioned in Solas’ direction, ready for a fight. Solas stayed nonchalant, as if he wasn’t aware he was actively pushing her buttons. Both Blackwall and Varric stayed on either side of her, prepared to stop her if she tried to go through with her threat. Solas’ eyes darted between them, and Blackwall winced as Solas opened his mouth again.

Solas said, “You can’t honestly believe this man is the same per-”

“Solas, several hours ago you stood in my bedroom talking about how you deeply respected me after insulting all Qunari and refusing to call me a Tal-Vashoth,” Nazile said. “If you actually respected me, you would respect my partner and the race I identify with. Hell, you call Varric a child of the stone even though he believes in Andraste.”

Solas thinned his lips. “Perhaps I was mistaken.”

Dani asked, “Mistaken in respecting me or in being flippant about our beliefs?”

Solas looked between Varric and Blackwall, not eager to admit he was wrong, but also not eager to see the change in Nazile if he lied and said he no longer respected her. At least, Blackwall thought it would be a lie. She had stood up for Solas enough for him to know how defensive she was about her inner circle.

Solas started, “I have enough experiences with Qunari to-”

Nazile said through gritted teeth. “I am not Qunari.”

He hesitated again. Blackwall wondered how it would play out if Solas and Nazile were in private. Perhaps he would have been more willing to listen, or perhaps Nazile would be asking him and Varric for help hiding a body.

“Perhaps we will continue this conversation when you’re thinking more rationally,” Solas said, as he started to walk again.

Nazile reached out for him and snatched his wrist, pulling him back. Blackwall wished he could frame Solas’ look of shock. Dani said, “Do you really want to call me irrational right now?”

“We both know you have a blindspot for Rainier.”

Varric laughed sharply. He asked Solas, “Do you know how many times she’s stood up to Sera for you?”

Solas snapped, “She never stands up to Sera for me. She has a blind spot for all three of you.”

“Technically everyone is in my blind spot,” Nazile said, softening some. “Solas, you know I care about you - you know I respect your opinion.”

“You didn’t bring me when you went into the fade-”

“Okay, we didn’t know we were going into the fade or else I would have skipped that trip,” Varric said.

“You didn’t bring me to the ball. You didn’t bring me to negotiate with the mages. You didn’t bring me when you took your last stand at Haven. And why am I here, now? Because you know there are Dalish in the area. You think maybe I’ll have some insights for you.”

“Solas, I don’t bring you because you argue with everyone,” Nazile said.

“That’s not true,” Solas huffed. “Cole enjoys my company. Dorian and I discuss magic all the time. Just because I don’t leash my opinions-”

“Your opinion that, what, Blackwall is no longer worthy of the Inquisition?” Nazile asked.

“Rainier is no longer worthy of the Inquisition. He is no longer worthy of the cause and he is hardly worthy of you,” Solas said. “He is not worthy the bribes that Josephine placed to get him out of his cell and he is not worthy of whatever words you placated him with when you got him back. And do you forget he just had to sleep with you before he vanished? How noble. You should have left him to rot where he wanted.”

Blackwall tried to hide his hurt. It wasn’t so much what Solas said, it was that Nazile didn’t interrupt him. She usually cut him short. Would she start listening to him? Would she finally realized he wasn’t worthy?

“Is that all?” Nazile asked. Solas opened his mouth and then closed it. He didn’t look at Blackwall and stayed watching her. She continued, “Blackwall agrees with you. You can’t pretend he isn’t aware of it. You must respect that.”

“I must?” Solas asked with a half-laugh.

“Every problem you listed is a problem with me,” she replied. “I believe he still offers something to the Inquisition. I believe he still offers something to me. I told Josephine to get him out of his cell. I took the time to tell him how much I need him here with me. I chose to ignore that I pressured him into something he didn’t want before he left. He wanted to rot.”

Solas rubbed his head and started to walk away. She stared straight ahead and stayed still. Blackwall slipped his hand in with hers. She squeezed it. He squeezed back. They waited for a moment before following Solas.

*

“Solas is an ass,” Sera said, shrugging. “Don’t listen to him.”

“You were mad at me too, remember,” Blackwall said. “You gave me a black eye.”

They sat on the roof together, each with a beer in their hand. The sun slowly set behind the castle. He treasured these small moments with Sera. Everyone had changed around him, except her and Dani. Josephine shyly kept busy as if he was a completely new person. Cassandra took the insult personally - she respected him as a Warden and saw herself reflected in him. Vivienne just offered him a smug smile; she had waited for his fall and was extremely satisfied in the show - all except for Nazile’s acceptance of him. Varric hardly said a word to him. He had trusted her with Dani and he betrayed it. Dorian was more like Vivienne. He had been proven right, after all. Bull had taken a renewed interest in him. Eager to be friendly.

Sera said, “Yeah. Worked through it. Feel better. Nazile gives a shit about you, yeah? Wouldn’t be so angry if I didn’t either.”

He leaned back on the roof, and Sera stayed sitting upright. “Outsiders. They look at us and they know. Nazile’s one of us, and they forget ‘cause she’s got that thing on her hand.”

“I thought you didn’t like magic.”

Sera stared straight ahead. “Didn’t like the barrier at first, but now - it feels safe. Trust Nazile with it, yeah? Not gonna rip a hole in the sky or change time. Mages destroy. Nazile fixes.”

Blackwall smiled to himself. “Yeah she does.”

“Oi!” Sera took Blackwall’s beer bottle and chucked it near Solas who walked past. Blackwall knew her well enough to know she pissed on purpose. It would be impossible to get her so drunk that she’d miss with a beer bottle. She yelled, “What’s your problem?”

Solas squinted as he looked up at the roof. “I was hoping to speak with Rainier.”

“Don’t know where he’s at.”

“Sera, I can see him on the roof.”

“Maybe that’s the fade or whatever.”

Sera looked at Blackwall, and she tilted her head, as if asking whether she should keep badgering him or if he actually wanted to talk with him. Blackwall sighed and sat up. Sera said, “Done anyway.”

She took a final swig from her beer bottle and chucked it on the ground near Solas again. Blackwall looked down at Solas. “Do you need me to come down?” Blackwall asked.

“I would prefer not to shout,” Solas said.

Blackwall moved to the edge of the roof and hopped down. Solas took a step back, his eyes wide for a moment before relaxing. Blackwall almost chuckled. They’d jumped from enough cliffs for him not to be surprised, but he supposed it was less polite to jump from rooftops.

“I would prefer you didn’t shout either,” Blackwall said. “I don’t want to upset Nazile again. She has enough stress-”

“Yes,” Solas said, sharply.

Blackwall hardly wanted to shut up, but he did. Mostly he wanted Solas to say what he needed to say and then fuck off, but he hardly felt like another confrontation and decided against saying that.

Solas stood silently for a moment, and Blackwall folded his arms across his chest. “You wanted to talk?”

“Nazile can’t be so desperate-”

“Start again,” Blackwall said. “This isn’t a conversation you want to have with me.”

Solas hesitated. He said, “Nazile was right. I am angry with her for ignoring your obvious betrayal. You wanted to be left to your fate. You were angry when she brought you back. But that -” he hesitated and watched Blackwall for a moment. Blackwall preferred Sera’s punches. Solas said, “I did not appreciate Sera’s influence on you, but I respected you. I assumed we were alike. We'd seen war, knew its terrible costs, but understood that it was necessary. But there was nothing necessary in what you did. You did not survive death and destruction. You sowed them. To feed your own desires.”

He replied, “I know that. I see it every time I look in a mirror. I try to make up for it.”

Solas said, “By wearing another skin. You ran away rather than face what you had done. You wasted your time. Now you have less than when you started.”

“And it’ll keep me awake at night,” Blackwall said.

Solas gave him a cold look and said, “What upsets me about this is that you make me lose respect for her. When I think of her lowering her standards-”

“What is this?” Blackwall asked. “Do you like her?”

“Hardly. She’s a Qunari.”

“So all that time you spent nursing her back to health and tracing your fingers over her palm-”

Solas puffed up and said, “I don’t care for what you’re implying.”

“Well, I don’t understand what stick I’m trying to pull out of your ass.”

“You couldn’t understand,” Solas said. “I consider Nazile a very dear friend to me. The fact that she’s intimate with someone like you - I worry about her. Is this just a countdown to another betrayal?”

“I never wanted to hurt her,” Blackwall said, “and there are no other secrets I keep from her. Not even little ones.”

Solas watched him as if he could catch him in a lie. Blackwall folded his arms across his chest and said, “Nazile’s one of the few people I would consider a friend. I hate that I hurt her - and I tried not to, I really did. I shouldn’t have slept with her before I left. I shouldn’t have initiated anything. She wasn’t supposed to track me down. I was supposed to be dead, and that would solve both of our problems, wouldn’t it?”

Solas folded one arm around his chest and rubbed his chin with the hand of his other. He watched him with an absent curiosity. Blackwall was done with this conversation. He wouldn’t satisfy Solas. He wouldn’t satisfy any of them now. 

Solas said, “How did Sera react?”

“She screamed and hit me - a lot.”

“Like a child.”

“She didn’t know how to express her feelings towards my betrayal. It’s no different than your slow, cutting remarks. You just didn’t realize that you were cutting Nazile instead of me. A friend would have noticed. A lot of us are alone here, and we treasure the few friendships we’ve forged. We just haven’t created one big circle. Dani’s the only constant.”

“Varric-”

“Varric knows how to make people feel comfortable and at home with him,” Blackwall said. “There’s a big difference between someone feeling that way with him and him feeling that way with someone. Friendship is mutual. It’s not just one person listening while the other talks. Varric knows when to talk and when to listen.” Blackwall hesitated before he added, “Nazile too.”

“You’re trying to imply that Nazile and I aren’t actually friends.”

Blackwall shrugged.

Solas continued, “You wouldn’t imply that Varric and Nazile aren’t friends.”

“Varric doesn’t insult me when she’s around.”

Solas hesitated. The words seemed to sink in a bit, and Blackwall folded his arms across his chest. He told himself to walk away, but he wasn’t certain that Solas wouldn’t simply follow him. Solas said with a nod, “I will try to hold my tongue more often. I suspect between Sera and yourself, you’ve been beaten up enough.”

“It’s never enough,” he said. “I just don’t want to see Nazile hurt anymore.”

“Neither do I,” Solas said.

Solas offered him a soft smile, and Blackwall offered him a nod. Solas walked away, and Blackwall turned around to look at the tavern. Sera’s window was closed, and he doubted she’d want to hang out again. He knew Cassandra trained a few steps away, but he didn’t have the energy to be torn apart by another person. He walked towards the stables.

*

Cassandra, in fact, was inside Nazile’s chambers and not training near the tavern. Nazile stood on the balcony and leaned against the railing. Cassandra hesitated and then joined her. Her mind whirled as she wondered if Nazile would ask again about her being the Divine, or if she planned to give her an update on the missing seekers.

Instead, Nazile said, “Solas said something today-”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise. Solas. She respected him, but she’d heard enough from Varric to know he tended to wildly push the buttons of the others and was surprised when they reacted. 

Nazile turned her head to face her, and Cassandra realized she wasn’t wearing her blindfold. It was unexpected, and Nazile turned back to face the sunset. Cassandra supposed she enjoyed the breeze on her face, or perhaps she wanted Cassandra to enjoy the moment. 

Nazile asked, “Are you disgusted with me too?”

“What?” Cassandra asked. “Why would you think that?”

“Solas implied that he was not happy with my decision to retrieve Blackwall.”

“I think you made the right choice on how to retrieve him,” Cassandra replied. “Cullen would have used force, and you’re right, Rainier would have been angry if you killed someone else in his stead.”

“But you think I should have left him to his fate?”

Cassandra sighed and leaned against the railing, facing away from the sunset. “As much as it pains me to say it, he redeemed himself long before you found him. We heard stories of him on the road when we were looking for him. People said amazing things about him helping when the demons first appeared - that was Rainier, not Blackwall. He’s been a good man for a while.”

“But?”

“I’m angry, Nazile. I’m angry he deceived all of us. He could have confided in you, at the very least.”

“He didn’t want to disappoint me,” Nazile replied.

“I feel as though he’s a stranger again,” Cassandra said. “Is he hiding anything else?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you towards him,” Cassandra replied. “I understand now why he held back.”

“I’m not saying not to be angry,” Nazile said, “I understand it’s not something you can change like your clothes. I’m just asking not to be hostile when we travel and it would be nice if you didn’t go out of your way to aggravate him here.”

“I don’t go out of my way for him at all-”

“Just in case you were considering it,” Nazile replied. “Please, as a favour to me.”

Cassandra sighed. “As a favour to you. Are you giving this speech to everyone?”

“No,” she replied. “Blackwall-”

“Rainier-”

“Doesn’t really care. He feels as though he deserves whatever anyone throws at him, but it hurts me, and he knows it does. I’m telling you because I know he values you as a fighter-in-arms and admires you as a person. A cut from you cuts deeper from someone already hostile with him-”

“Like Dorian or Vivienne.”

“Exactly,” Nazile replied.

“I will try to sheath my tongue, Inquisitor.”

“I appreciate it.”

“If there’s nothing else-”

“There isn’t,” Nazile said.

Cassandra started to walk away, and then she turned around and waited. She said, “If this was a romance in a novel Varric had written, I would probably love your devotion to each other. But I would still hate him for betraying her trust. I might not pick up the book again.”

“Well, if you want to read what Varric writes, tell him that,” Nazile said. “I’m sure you’re aware you can’t put this book down.”

“I am aware, Inquisitor,” Cassandra replied. “Enjoy your evening.”


	9. Chapter 9

Dorian and the Inquisitor sat some distance away as Blackwall chopped wood. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and sweat hung on his forehead as he took another swing. Dorian said, “You know you could have asked someone to get more firewood for your room.”

“That’s what I told him,” Nazile replied. “I think he misses it though.”

Dorian raised his upper lip. “Chopping wood?”

“Depending on himself,” Nazile replied. “He’s used to having his own cottage and his own space. It probably feels good - at least to him - to do something for himself.”

“I suppose if one is used to that sort of thing, I could understand where he’s coming from,” he replied. “Do you miss it?”

She laughed. “No. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind travelling now, but when it was with other mercenaries, it was different. We never spent enough on supplies and always bought too much booze. Someone would accidentally break a bottle while travelling and a fight would break out. And it always felt very lonely, to be amongst all these people, but never really saying anything to each other. Do you understand what I mean?”

Dorian watched her carefully. The changes in her had been subtle, but with Rainier back and fully committed to her, there was a new confidence in her manner. She didn’t hug herself when she stood alone, and she rarely tried to hide her teeth behind her lips when she smiled. And he no longer felt like he was playing a card game with her when they spoke. She didn’t hold any cards close to her chest. The conversation flowed freely. There were still things she preferred not to talk about, but she wouldn’t pull away from him. She’d simply tell him she didn’t care to discuss it.

Of course, that only made him more curious, but he understood it. He preferred it to a sharp, short answer and a change in her posture. She’d hunch over her shoulders and hug herself, and he could almost see the memories swarm back to her as a frown crossed her face. But it was rare now when a topic did that. Or perhaps he just knew what topics to avoid.

“I understand what you mean,” he replied.

He knew exactly what it meant to feel like an outsider amongst your own people, and perhaps that’s what drew him to Nazile in the first place. She laid back on the grass, her horn sinking into the dirt, and said, “I don’t think I could have done what he did.”

“Steal another person’s identity?”

“Live in such solitude,” she said. “I’ve felt alone, surely, but I’ve never been truly alone. I suppose the closest I’ve had to that is when we travelled back in time together, but even then, I had you.”

“The incredibly handsome stranger.”

“Exactly,” Nazile replied.

Silence hung between them, and Dorian idly watched Blackwall as they listened to him chop wood. He was hardly impressed that Blackwall deceived them, but Nazile confided in him enough for him to allow his opinion to be swayed. Rainier was a different man than the one who ran away. The only weakness in his character that remained was that he hadn’t been honest when he left, and they all knew he wouldn’t do that again. Nazile fought too hard for him. He considered himself worthless, and now he knew Nazile saw value in him - truly him - even if he didn’t see it himself.

But Nazile talked to Dorian enough that he saw Blackwall through her eyes. He understood - at least he understood now - why Nazile would fight for him, and his own anger at Rainier had faded. He still thought Nazile could do better - or at least find someone a bit more polished, but he respected that Blackwall did as well.

“Does he look handsome?” Nazile asked. “Or is he just sort of a mess?”

Dorian smiled. “I will deny it if you tell anyone, but Rainier’s thick frame looks just fine glistening with sweat under the sun.”

Nazile laughed and pushed Dorian with her foot. “I do all right.”

“What are we doing?” Bull asked. He grabbed Nazile’s foot as he sat down beside Dorian, putting her foot against his back instead. “Are we checking out Blackwall?”

“Dorian’s telling me whether or not he looks good chopping wood,” Nazile said. “I’m sworn to secrecy though. I can’t tell you his answer.”

“I can tell you mine,” Bull said, nudging Dorian. “You have a very fine boyfriend with an excellent grip. I particularly like the little grunt he makes when he swings.”

“Oh, I’m a big fan of it,” Nazile said.

“I like the way his stomach hangs just a bit over his pants,” Bull said. He asked Nazile, “Do you get a good sense of that?”

“Oh I can feel it,” she said. “His armour is padded so I didn’t notice it for a while, but I get to fully appreciate it now.”

“Do you two do this often?” Dorian asked.

Nazile slid on the ground and hung her feet over Bull’s horns. “Bull is the best person to ask when it comes to what makes a person attractive. He finds little things in everyone and I like to hear his thoughts.”

Nazile’s leeriness around Bull had faded once Dorian confided in her that they’d taken to bed more than once. He wasn’t sure how he felt about his best friend and his sometimes-lover rating everyone behind his back. He didn’t mind that Bull checked out other people – they had never made their relationship exclusive – but he mostly felt left out. Perhaps a bit jealous of the friendship that blossomed without him. But he couldn’t ignore what it said about his and Nazile’s friendship that she warmed up to Bull because he trusted Dorian.

He and Bull had never really gotten around to talking about the state of their relationship, if there even was one. It didn’t often bother him, and he liked that sometimes he could just walk into his quarters to get a long, thorough fuck, and the Qunari didn’t expect anything from him in the following days.

Nazile continued, “Like Cullen’s scar. The little scar on his lip - I didn’t know about it, but now I can’t stop wondering what it would feel like to kiss him.”

“He doesn’t seem into people like Nazile and I,” Bull said. “He’s always uncomfortable when we flirt with him.”

“He just gets flustered when I flirt with him,” Dorian said. “His cheeks go all red and he stares really hard at the ground like he’s trying to find something very important. I wonder about the lip too though.”

“Are you going to try to seduce him?” Bull asked.

“What? No,” Dorian replied, puffing out his chest. “I don’t have time for riff raff that aren’t comfortable with who they are.”

“Neither do I,” Bull said, offering him a wide smile.

Nazile said, “Well, I do.”

“But it worked out in the end for you,” Dorian said, swatting at her ankle. “The only thing Blackwall hid from you was his name and his past. You knew all about his character, and that hasn’t changed now that you have him back. Blackwall wasn’t hiding a part of his core being. He may think he was lying to himself about who he is, but he hasn’t been for a decade at least.”

“And you think Cullen is?” Nazile asked.

“Not necessarily,” Dorian replied. “I just don’t have the patience in me to find out. At least, not while I have other things to do.”

Nazile pushed the back of Bull’s head with her foot. “Does he mean you?”

“You’d have to ask him,” Bull replied. “Are your feet muddy? Are there going to be footprints all over me?”

“Probably,” Dorian said. “I can help you wash them off though.”

“See, I’m helping,” Nazile laughed. 

“Perhaps we should invite Blackwall,” Bull said. “He’s certainly working up with a sweat. I could give him a real thorough cleaning, boss.”

“You know I can hear everything you’re saying, right?” Blackwall said. “You’re practically sitting at my feet.”

“Is that true?” Nazile asked.

“Well, we’re about as far away from him as I am long,” Bull said. “So, yes, it’s not really a surprise that he can hear us.”

“He didn’t turn down the thorough cleaning though,” Nazile said. 

“Maybe I was hoping someone else would offer in his stead,” Blackwall said, puffing out his chest.

Bull turned his head to face Nazile, and the pair said, “Dorian!”

Heat rushed to Blackwall’s cheeks almost as quickly as it rushed to Dorian’s. “No,” they both sharply replied. They looked at each other and then avoided their eyes.

“I think they protest too much,” Bull said.

Blackwall approached and slung the laughing Nazile over his shoulder. He patted her bum and replied, “No offence, but I think I’ll let my giantess bathe me. She certainly needs a thorough cleaning too.”

“I mean, we could always have a party,” Bull said.

Dorian swatted Bull’s arm and said, “You should check with the other host before you invite too many guests.”

Bull grinned at him and said, “So you’re another host now, are you?”

Nazile mouthed “Tell me later” to Dorian as Blackwall took advantage of the moment and carried her off. Dorian nodded, more to himself than to her since she wouldn’t see it, but Bull nudged him. “I suppose,” Dorian replied. “Yes, I would like to be your, uh-”

“Co-host.”

He thought he’d just say it plainly. He wanted honesty and no terms for Bull to misunderstand. “Boyfriend.”

Bull laughed and wrapped his arm around Dorian. Dorian hid his face in his hands for a moment, instantly regretting not settling for “Co-host.” Did he really want a loud, vibrant Qunari boyfriend? But Bull nuzzled into his cheek and said, “Boyfriend sounds good to me.”

Bull curled his finger under Dorian’s chin to raise his head up for a quick kiss. Dorian cupped the Qunari’s cheeks and pecked him back. Their noses lingered together as Dorian watched him between his eyelashes. 

Yes, yes he really did want Bull as a boyfriend.

“We should get you cleaned up,” Dorian said against his lips.

*

Cassandra crossed the newly built bridge at the Emprise du Lion with Nazile, Blackwall, and Varric. Cassandra tried very hard not to give Blackwall the cold shoulder for Nazile’s sake, but she still couldn’t find much to say to him. Blackwall tried to make some idle chatter with her, and she usually cut him short.

Varric, however, never ceased to speak, as usual. His friendship with Rainier seemed to have grown too, and she couldn’t decide why. The two prattled on about jousting and books and beards and old war stories. It was terribly boring, but Nazile humoured them. Cassandra, however, did not.

“That’s something else,” Varric said.

A noise drew Cassandra’s head upwards, and she watched two dragons fly together in the air, crossing paths and chirping to each other. “What’s the sound?” Nazile asked. “What is it?”

“Two dragons,” Cassandra said.

“We could send for Bull,” Blackwall replied.

“There’re two of them?” Nazile asked. “What are they doing?”

“Flying together,” Varric said. “It’s kind of like they’re dancing together. They fly together for a little while and then part ways, but they fly in the same pattern before looping back towards each other.”

“Really?” Nazile asked.

“They’re dragons,” Cassandra replied sharply. “They’re probably waiting for us to be in a better position to eat.”

“Do you think they’re lovers?” Nazile asked. “Siblings maybe?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Varric said.

Cassandra continued walking forward, but Blackwall touched her wrist before pulling away. She turned around to see Nazile leaning on the bridge’s railing while Varric described the dragons to her. They continued chirping to each other overhead. Blackwall and Cassandra waited as Nazile’s smile grew weaker and started to fade.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said.

Cassandra asked, “Inquisitor?”

Nazile turned to her with some surprise, as if she hadn’t realized she said the words aloud. She hesitated for a moment and then said, “The dragons.”

“You don’t need to hunt the dragons,” Cassandra said, firmly. “They’re not harming us and they’re not attacking the camps.”

Cassandra watched Nazile’s cautious smile start. It was as if she expected the Seeker to be lying to her. She softly asked, “Are you certain?”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

Nazile hesitated, and leaned against the railing again. The dragons had circled back to their nests, but Nazile still waited to see if she could hear them again. She asked, “Do you suppose it’s true that the Qunari are children of the dragons?”

“I don’t know,” Cassandra replied, leaning on the railing next to her.

“They’re nearly extinct,” she replied. “I don’t want any more scales or bones or trophies. I can’t bear the thought of one dragon flying alone in the sky. Calling to her sister or lover and hearing nothing in reply.”

Cassandra thought she could kill both, but she simply said nothing. She noticed Varric and Blackwall stood some distance away, watching carefully. She wasn’t sure why they refused to help her, but she supposed Nazile knew the Pentaghasts were known for dragon hunting and sought her approval on ignoring them.

Nazile gently took Cassandra’s hand, tracing her fingers along her palm before holding it softly at the wrist. She kept her voice low as she said, “Please don’t make me choose the next Divine.”

“Inquisitor, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Leliana has been asking and-”

“I will tell her to stop,” Cassandra said, sharply. “That’s not something you need to-”

“I’m afraid to lose you too,” Nazile said. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’ll see this through to the end, right?”

Cassandra softened and rubbed her shoulder. “Of course,” she replied. “No matter what happens, I’ll be at your side, Inquisitor. And I’ll speak with Leliana to make sure she doesn’t put any pressure on you.”

“I’m sure it’s not intentional-”

“Either way, I’ll take care of it,” she replied. “This is hard enough without the Chantry hounding you for your opinion.”

“I think both of you would be extremely suitable,” Nazile replied, her smile sheepish. “I just-”

“You have enough choices to make, Inquisitor,” Cassandra said, offering her a rare smile in return. “You’re doing fine.”

Nazile quickly swept Cassandra up into her arms, hugging her tightly before she could protest. Cassandra stiffened, but she gently hugged Nazile back and softened. “I’ll talk to Leliana about some of my ideas as well,” she said. “That way, whoever gets chosen, will have the best of both of our ideas on hand.”

“I like the sound of that,” Nazile said.

“Are you two done hugging so we can finish this off?” Varric asked.

Nazile gasped. “You’re just jealous!”

“No, I don’t want a hug,” Varric said, tucking himself behind Blackwall.

“I’m definitely jealous,” Blackwall said, putting his hands on his hips. “Seeker Pentaghast doesn’t even let me call her Cassandra, let alone let me hug her.”

Cassandra laughed, weakly. Maybe it was Nazile’s touch, but she offered Blackwall a smile and he gave her a nod in return. Nazile quickly hugged Blackwall’s legs, catching Varric in her grasp. “Don’t lift us!” Varric yelled. “We’re on a very high bridge!”

*

Sera and Blackwall walked into Pierre-Marie’s shop in Val Royeaux, and Blackwall loitered in the doorway to give Varric a wave as the dwarf and the Inquisitor walked in the other direction. “Want something pointy,” Sera said, looking through the wears.

She wanted to buy something small for Nazile after her cookies failed so miserably. So she looked through the magical items with some distaste. She wanted something practical that Nazile could feel.

Blackwall had confided in her that he was making her a gift, and she felt the smooth texture and thought she wanted to offer something similar - something she could use and touch. The armour felt weird.

“I saw you with the Inquisitor,” Pierre-Marie said. “Are you part of the Inquisition?”

“Yes,” Blackwall said, carefully.

Blackwall was hesitant to go to Val Royeaux after he revealed himself to the crowd, and Sera knew there were whispers around them. She figured the shopkeep mostly recognized them as the Inquisition and he had to treat him with some degree of respect.

“I have special wears for the Inquisition,” he said, pulling out a rack with a few additional items. “Please feel free to browse them.”

Blackwall raised his brows and Sera grinned as she looked through. She found a staff with a woman on the top of it, her arms spread out behind her. An arc circled her. Sera ran her fingers over the top of the staff. Smooth. The woman was defined enough that Nazile would be able to feel the little details in her features.

Blackwall said, “That’s Andraste.”

“What?”

“On the top of the Staff. It’s Andrastate. Nazile will love it.”

Sera blew air out from between her lips. “Thought it was just some topless woman.”

“She’s not topless,” Blackwall said. He peered closer at the staff. “Is she?”

Sera tried to put the staff back on the rack, but Blackwall stopped her. He asked Pierre-Marie, “Is this electricity based?”

“Yes,” he replied. “I’m afraid there’s not much room for customization though. It’s an old staff, and any changes may damage it.”

“It’s in excellent condition,” Blackwall replied, handing it back to Sera.

Better than the stick she found on the ground in the beginning. Sera ran her fingers along the grip. Textured to allow for a firm grip. Wouldn’t slip with sweat. She noticed an inscription on it. “There is strength in absence. Absence of weakness, and of limitation. Absence of caution, and of mercy. The Void has always been within.”

Boring.

“It’s the Staff of the Void,” Pierre-Marie said as he stopped Sera from setting it down on the rack again. “It’s one-of-a-kind - at least to our knowledge. Greatly enhances magic in the wielder, and there’s some attack benefits as well. Is it for the Inquisitor herself?”

“We’re considering it,” Blackwall said.

“Boring and religious,” Sera muttered to him.

“It would be appropriate for the Herald to wield an image of Andraste on her staff,” Pierre-Marie said, looking at it in Sera’s hand. “And it’s on the long side, very appropriate for,” he hesitated, “someone with her build.”

“Please give me a moment to discuss it with my colleague,” Blackwall said.

“Of course,” Pierre-Marie replied. “It’s 16,488 gold pieces.”

Sera clutched Blackwall’s arm and said, “Boring, religious, and expensive.”

When she tried to put it back on the rack, Blackwall picked it up. “Listen, I know you don’t care much for Nazile’s, shall we say, spiritual side-”

Sera snorted. “Crazy side.”

“You don’t need to believe in it, but you do need to understand that Nazile does believe it and it gives her confidence she often desperately needs.”

Sera smirked. “Nazile’s great. Shouldn’t need to think some dead nutter blessed her to see that.”

“But she does,” Blackwall said. “If you gave her this and explained to her that it was Andraste on the end of the staff, she will love it.” 

Sera rolled her eyes.

Blackwall continued, “We can’t ignore the other benefits it offers too. It’s her magic type and it’s going to greatly enhance her abilities.”

Sera huffed and looked at the staff in Blackwall’s hand.

“You can tell her you think it’s all shit,” Blackwall said. “She’ll still love that you thought of her.”

“But you thought of her.”

“But you thought of her first and you’d still be the one to buy it for her and give it to her,” Blackwall said. “Also it definitely has a naked lady on it.”

Sera laughed and took the staff back. “Buck-naked Andraste,” she said. “All right, okay.”

“Do you want some extra coin to help cover the cost?”

Sera scoffed. “Can handle it.”

She approached Pierre-Marie and said, “Gonna buy the porno staff for the Inquisitor.” She opened her coin purse and counted out what she needed, relishing in the look of disgust crossing Pierre-Marie’s face. She grinned and said, “Thanks.”

Sera carried the staff, bouncing it from one hand to the other, as they walked near the entrance of Val Royeaux. “They must still be looking,” Blackwall said.

“But we know it wasn’t Andraste that saved her, right?” Sera said. “The Divine did.”

“Right,” Blackwall said. “But she needs to believe someone else - something greater than us - is helping her. She doesn’t believe she can do it herself.”

“But everything’s ‘cause of her.”

Blackwall smiled softly. “It is.”

Sera rolled her eyes. “No need to get mushy.”

“How about we make it simple?”

“How?”

“It’s important to Nazile, so it’s important to us.”

Sera smiled. “All right, okay.” 

The pair stood as Sera tossed the staff from one hand back to the other. Blackwall adjusted his armour. Sera said, “But don’t have to believe it, right?”

“Not even a bit,” Blackwall said with a laugh.

*

Nazile listened as Varric shuffled the documents into his pack. “I appreciate you collect this crap,” Varric said. “Not everyone hoards history like you do.”

“Yeah, sorry I’m going to make you read it to me later,” Nazile replied. “I could probably get Dorian too, though, if you’d prefer.”

“Honestly, he’ll probably be around either way, and I like knowing. I’ll read it and you can invite him.”

“Can you imagine Sera and Blackwall there?”

“Sera would make snoring noises and Blackwall would try very hard not to laugh,” Varric said.

“Do you think Blackwall’s back in the center square trying to get himself hanged again?” Nazile asked. “I shouldn’t have left those two alone. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Varric said. “Look, I can see them. They’re waited for us near the entrance. Probably so no one recognizes Blackwall.”

“What are they doing?”

“What do you think they’re doing?” Varric asked with a laugh. “They’re cackling to each other about Maker knows what.”

Nazile smiled. She admired their friendship, and she missed travelling with them together. Varric continued, “Looks like Sera picked up something for you.”

“Really?” Nazile asked. “What is it?”

“I’m not going to say.”

“You can’t start telling me and then not tell me-”

“We’re almost to them. Relax.”

Nazile folded her arms across her chest, but Sera grabbed her arm to shove a staff in it. “Bought you this staff,” Sera said. “Pornographic.”

Sera moved Nazile’s other hand onto the top, and Nazile carefully felt around design. She smiled as she realized it was a naked woman and some sort of emblem around her. She laughed. She adjusted her grip on the staff and breathed in. The power surging in it was something else completely. She’d never felt a staff quite like it before.

“The naked lady is that god or whatever that touched you.”

Nazile almost couldn’t catch her breath as she asked, “What?”

“Andraste,” Varric said. “Maker, where did you find that?”

“Pierre-Marie’s special selection,” Blackwall said.

“Cost too much,” Sera said. “But couldn’t exactly lift it. Important you have it or whatever.”

Nazile ran her fingers over the inscription, making a mental note to have Blackwall read it to her later. She thought she read it correctly, but she didn’t quite grasp the meaning. 

Sera said, “Well? Say something.”

“I don’t even know - it’s Andraste?”

“Yeah.”

“Naked?”

“Yeah,” Sera said. “Got some good tits on her.”

“I love it,” Nazile said, tightly hugging Sera. “I love it so much.”

Nazile kissed the side of her cheek, not eager to let the little elf go. She thought it was too nice of a gift. She couldn’t find the words to properly thank her, and thought maybe a few broken ribs from a hug would help express it.

Sera laughed and tried worming out of her grip. “No need to slobber.”

“But you don’t believe in any of this,” Nazile said, releasing her. “You don’t even like my magic.”

“Well, uh,” Sera hesitated and then said. “If it’s important to you, it’s important to me, yeah?”

“That means so much to me,” Nazile said. “Really Sera, thank you. I can pay you back-”

“Forget it.”

Nazile smiled and ran her hands along the staff again. She straightened up and adjusted her grip. “All right, I’m ready to go. Who wants a ride on my shoulders?”

“Space better be reserved for me from now on,” Sera said, climbing onto Nazile.

“Definitely,” Nazile replied as Sera got comfortable.

*

Cassandra heard a snap of lightning and, when she turned her head away from the dummy, she saw Nazile storm past her. Sparks still shot from her staff. Cassandra jogged after her, turning around to see a singed Bull talking to Blackwall.

“Is there anything wrong, Inquisitor?”

“It was a mistake to take on Bull,” Nazile snapped.

“I heard the mission went south and you chose to protect the Chargers,” Cassandra said. “Is Bull angry-”

“He says I don’t understand what it’s like leaving the Qun since I’ve been a Tal-Vashoth for so long and chose to leave,” Nazile snapped. “He has no fucking clue, Cassandra.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened in surprise. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Nazile so angry. Nazile looked around for a moment, as if trying to remember where she was going. She said, “Oh, and I guess some Qun assassins tried killing Bull to look good? I don’t really know. Shame they’re shit.”

“You don’t actually-”

“Cassandra, I just need a minute.”

Nazile started to walk up the stairs, and Cassandra followed her. A nervous energy filled Cassandra. She hadn’t seen Nazile like this before, and she wasn’t sure what her next step would be. Would she collapse in tears? Would she strike someone else down with lightning? Would she tell Bull to leave, if she hadn’t already?

The Inquisitor went to the hallway that led to her bedroom and stopped walking. She turned to Cassandra and said, “This is insane, right? I shouldn’t be this angry.”

“I don’t really understand the situation,” Cassandra replied. “My knowledge of the Qun is limited. I can say, I have never seen you quite like this, Inquisitor.”

Nazile softened some. She replied, “It is difficult to be angry. There’s so much to hate in the world. If I let myself get angry about one thing, it’ll spill over into everything. Sometimes I can’t stop it - I think Bull brings out the worse in me. He reminds me too much of-” She stopped sharply and said nothing further.

Cassandra waited a moment and then said, “Do you remember when you first truly felt your freedom?”

Nazile hesitated. “Yes.”

“Were you scared?”

“Yes, but excited too,” Nazile said. “I didn’t - I didn’t really get scared until I started working with the Inquisition. When my decisions started to mean something.”

“Okay, so imagine you only felt fear. You suddenly have nothing but freedom you didn’t have before, and it’s not something you want.”

Nazile shrugged. “Bull’s always had a lot of freedom. He has his team-”

“He’s been kicked out, Nazile,” Cassandra said. “I know you didn’t trust him, but it was something he believed in. Imagine if we kicked you out of the Inquisition when you supported Blackwall.”

Nazile hugged herself. If there was any rage left inside of her, Cassandra didn’t see it. She said, “But Bull has all of us. He has his chargers.”

“And if you were kicked out of the Inquisition, you would still have all of us, but it would still be scary, wouldn’t it? And if someone tried to tell you they knew what it felt like, you might not believe them.”

“I wouldn’t be such an ass about it,” Nazile said, though her voice was unsteady.

Cassandra waited, and Nazile gripped the railing. “Will I have to go apologize to him?” she asked.

“No,” Cassandra said. “If he’s angry, I’ll speak with him.”

Nazile chuckled. “I’m sorry I keep making you do these things.”

Cassandra smiled. “I like telling people to let you be.”

Nazile nodded. “Blackwall’s talking to Bull. He’ll smooth things over. You can still tell him to let me be though.”

Cassandra gently rubbed Nazile’s arm. She always had difficulty expressing herself around people, and she knew Nazile liked physical reassurance when no one spoke. It wasn’t natural for her to reach out and touch another person, and she had to make a conscious effort for the Inquisitor. But she liked the way Nazile felt in her hand. Strong. Steady. She’d always press back slightly or touch her gently back. It was an unusual comfort for Cassandra.

But a question lingered in her. She wasn’t certain she’d let her curiosity get the better of her until the words came out. “You say you weren’t afraid until you started working with the Inquisition. Did it replace your anger?”

“Yes,” Nazile said. “I wasn’t a Tal-Vashoth you would want to meet on the shores when I first arrived here. My body count surpasses Rainier’s by a longshot.”

“Most of ours do,” Cassandra replied. “Do you ever -” she hesitated and then said, “Do you miss that anger?”

“Sometimes,” she said, “but only because the fear is complicate. You can let rage burn for days. I can release my body to it. But when fear hits you, you have to manage it and control it and decipher what’s causing it and how to prevent it and whether it’s stopping you from making a bad decision or stopping you from making a good one. It’s all so much.”

“I understand,” Cassandra said.

She wondered what Nazile was like before she sought out the Chantry. She wondered what she’d have been if she had joined the Grey Wardens. She supposed she likely wouldn’t have survived Corypheus’ manipulation, but she would have been a sight to see in the Warden’s glory, she supposed.

“Could I,” Nazile started and then hesitated. “I mean, if it’s not terribly rude, could I ask you to go? I just want to sit alone with my thoughts for a while.”

“Are you certain that’s wise?”

“You can check on me again,” Nazile said. “I just want to process how I behaved. I don’t want to let it happen again to someone weaker than Bull.”

Cassandra nodded. “Yes, Inquisitor. Do you want me to send others away? I assume Rainier will seek you out.”

“If you see him,” Nazile replied. “Otherwise it’s fine. I’ve asked him to leave me be before.”

“All right, Inquisitor. I’ll speak with you later.”

“And Cassandra?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Cassandra smiled. “You’re welcome, Inquisitor.”

*

“Inquisitor,” Cullen shouted as he chased after Nazile. “Can we discuss what you just decided?”

Nazile turned to face him and smiled. “No.”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my days babysitting-”

She firmly replied, “Samson offers invaluable information to the Inquisition. If you’d prefer I personally did the babysitting, that’s fine.”

“With all due respect, Inquisitor, you’re very impressionable. He may manipulate you like he did his followers.”

“So we agree that you’re best suited for working with him,” Nazile replied.

Cullen sighed and said, “I’m not sure interrogation is the best course of action for someone like Samson.”

“I realize that you have a history with him,” Nazile replied, “but I think your history is better applied in for information gathering about the effects of red lyrium and any knowledge he has on Corypheus that may aid us. Even after we beat Corypheus, red lyrium isn’t going to just disappear. We need to know what he knows.”

“He was an addict-”

“You saw that Tranquil,” Nazile said. “That sort of loyalty-”

“Extremely dangerous people know how to manipulate people,” Cullen said. “You’ve seen enough to know that Nazile. He doesn’t have anyone’s best interests at his core except for his own. He’s not your Rainier.”

“I’m not saying to be his lover, Cullen,” Nazile replied with a scoff. “Just find out what information he has-”

“And then?”

“And then if he has nothing more, we leave him in prison,” Nazile said. “You know me by now; I am not executing anyone.”

“I think you’re making a mistake.”

“And I think we would have made a really cute couple,” Nazile said with a smile. “But sometimes what we think isn’t right. So am I going to interrogate him or are you?”

Flustered, Cullen replied, “I will. And I’d prefer you stay away from him.”

“All right,” Nazile replied. “Is that all, Commander?”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

“I will speak with you later.”

*

“Have you seen the Inquisitor?” Blackwall asked Josephine. “She said she was going to stop by the stables to see me, but I grew tired of having her giant nug – that Knuckled Thunderer – sniff all over me and thought I’d seek her out.”

“I haven’t seen her since she judged Samson,” Josephine replied with a polite smile. “I know Cullen sought her out after that. Perhaps she is still speaking with him.”

Blackwall lingered and tried to decide where Nazile would go so he wouldn’t spend half the day walking through Skyhold trying to find her. He said, “You know, she’s always liked Maryden’s song about Samson. Do you think she made the right choice in her judgment?”

Josephine said, “It’s not really my place, but it’s no surprise that she would try to find a practical use for him. I know her decision may not make a lot of people happy, but she’s made the best of other decisions she made that the majority didn’t agree with.”

“You mean me.”

“And siding with the mages instead of the templars,” Josephine said. “There have been countless other decisions as well. I didn’t mean any hostility towards you.”

“Of course you didn’t,” he replied, softly. “I’m sorry.”

Josephine offered him a polite smile which suggested it may not be best for him to linger in her office. He hated that tension still lingered between them. He left. It was easy to forget that the Inquisitor’s inner circle still felt betrayed. Cassandra and Dorian had come around, but Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine still hadn’t given him the opportunity to redeem himself.

He couldn’t help but see a part of himself in Samson. He sought out a chance for redemption, but he thought it was with Corypheus instead of the Inquisitor. He knew what it was like to stand in front of the Inquisitor in chains with everyone wanting to get you out of the room.

He rubbed his face as he stood on the staircase, trying to decide where to go.

Samson.

He walked down below Skyhold into the broken apart prisons. He heard Nazile’s voice and another, gruffer and deeper voice. He lingered some distance away. Samson’s hollowed out cheeks and sunken eyes watched the Tal-Vashoth with interest. He told her the story of how he’d been kicked out of the Templars and became addicted to lyrium, and Nazile admitted she was impressed with his loyalty to Maddox.

They spoke quietly of the chantry, and he laughed when she told him that she sought out a Circle to join. His laughter spread to her, and she said, “I know it seems so foolish now, but after what I’d been through, it was a dream.”

“I can only imagine.”

Their conversation quieted, and Samson smiled absently as he watched her. His eyes drifted to Blackwall. “Your Rainier is here for you.”

“Just eavesdropping, Inquisitor,” Blackwall said.

“I meant to ask, where are your other prisoners?” Samson said. “I heard you’ve judged many.”

“We’ll move you to a more comfortable area once I’ve discussed with Cullen how he intends to go about your handling. I’d rather you have a degree of freedom while we gain your trust-”

“But Cullen wants me to rot here,” Samson said. “And I will rot here, Inquisitor. The Red Lyrium hasn’t affected me so far, but if I’m deprived from it, maybe it will-”

“We’re going to do our best to understand and provide you with what you need,” Nazile replied. She reached into his cell and took his hand in her own. “I promise you, you won’t rot here.”

Blackwall smiled at the look of surprise on his face. He pulled his hand gently away from Nazile to awkwardly run his hand through his hair. “I won’t hold you to that promise, Inquisitor,” he softly said.

Nazile smiled weakly and squeezed the hand she still held. She then released him and said, “Commander Cullen should be by soon to speak with you. He asked me not to talk to you, so you can keep our conversation in confidence or you can tell him to aggravate him. I’ll leave you to make that choice.”

Samson chuckled, and Blackwall took Nazile’s hand as she approached. He kissed her knuckles and Samson said, “If I wasn’t going to go out in a blaze of glory, I’m glad I ended up here, Inquisitor.”

Nazile smiled softly, “I’m glad too.”

Blackwall wrapped his arm around her waist as they left the prison. “You said you were going to meet me,” he said, casually, “but I understand why you made that detour.”

“Cullen’s really upset with me for making him Samson’s handler. I just thought-”

“I understand,” Blackwall said, squeezing her. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

Nazile sighed and leaned against him. “I appreciate your support.”

“Now where would you like to receive your gift? The stables?”

Nazile lightly wrapped her arms around his neck and asked, “What kind of gift is it? Is it appropriate to give me in public?”

Blackwall chuckled. “It is, my lady.”

“But what if I want to thank you?”

“There’s no need to thank me - I’m giving it to you because of what you mean to me,” he said, cupping her cheeks in his hands. “You know what you mean to me, Nazile. I just wanted to give you something small to remind you when you’re feeling insecure.”

Smiling, Nazile leaned in to brush her lips against his own. He leaned up, kissing her, and she breathed him in. He loved how she kissed him openly whenever she desired it, and though he thought he was something to be ashamed of, she didn’t. She sucked his lower lip as he drew away from her, and he hugged her against him. He asked, “Where would you like to receive this gift?”

“Right here,” Nazile said, giving his rear a friendly pat. “I can’t wait. I hope it’s not another staff - I don’t want to have to choose between them and Dagna fitted a master spirit rune to it.”

“It’s not a staff, my lady.”

“Tell me,” she said, almost squirming in excitement.

He almost wanted her to wait longer as he watched the smile grow on her face. He opened her hand and curled the beaded necklace into her palm. Her lips parted as she felt it carefully between her fingers. His chest filled with love as he watched the delicate movements of her fingers and cautious changes in her face. She reached the small, carved emblem at the end of the necklace. “It’s a rocking griffon,” she said.

“You can tell?”

“Of course I can tell,” she said with a laugh. “Did you carve the beads too?”

“I did,” he said. “They may not be as smooth-”

“They’re perfect,” she said. “Is for around my neck?”

“I thought you might want to hang it on your horn,” he said. “You tend to touch your horn when you’re nervous, so I thought,” he let his voice trail off.

She smiled broadly and tied it tightly around the middle of her full horn. She felt the emblem between her fingers and nuzzled Blackwall. “I love it,” she said. “Thank you.”

“I know it’s nothing special-”

“You must have sat for hours carving it,” she said.

She felt it absently, and he said, “Hours I spent thinking about how much I love you, how much you’ve changed my life for the better, how much I want to make this work.”

Heat rushed to his cheeks as she hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry,” she softly said, “I can’t quite find the words to express how much I love it – and you.”

He cupped her cheeks in his hands and said, “I kept thinking of how much time I wasted not being honest with you and avoiding what could have been the start of the best part of my life-”

“We’re together now,” she said, pecking his lips. “That’s all that matters.”

He was overcome with emotion, completely unsure of how he ended up with the most precious and noble person in Thedas. He kissed her deeper, and she twisted her fingers in his hair.

“Do you know what I never tire of?” Dorian asked, putting his arms around both of them. “I never tire of watching you two openly declaring your love in the middle of Skyhold for all to see.”

“Maker’s balls, we were trying to have a nice moment,” Blackwall said.

“And now it’s nicer with me in it,” Dorian said, affectionately patting his cheek before wedging himself in front of him. “Nazile, what’s that on your horn?”

“Blackwall made it for me.”

“Really?” Dorian asked. “It’s exquisite.”

Nazile leaned over while Dorian examined the piece carefully. Blackwall folded his arms across his chest. He remembered why he had wanted to give it to her in the privacy of the stables as Sera shouted, “What’s all this?” while she approached them.

*

Blackwall and Nazile stepped out of the tavern, and Nazile hugged her arms and rubbed them as a cool chill brushed through the air. Blackwall rubbed her arms as well, cursing himself for not having something to cover her. “I wonder what brought the cold on,” Nazile said.

Blackwall said, “Hurry ahead to your room and start the fire. I’ll grab more firewood from the stables and meet you there.”

Nazile gently placed her hands on top of his own, and the heat from her magic settled through his hands. She leaned down and gently nuzzled him as she said, “I can think of other ways to warm up.”

“Do you mean setting the room on fire or-?”

She pressed her leg between his and kissed him. As she pulled away, his lips followed hers for a moment, sneaking in another kiss. Lightly touching her hips, he cleared his throat and said, “We could do both.”

“Set the room on fire and fuck all night?” Nazile asked. “We would probably catch fire ourselves.”

Her bluntness brought heat to his cheeks, and she smoothed out his beard. He said, “I’ll pick up some firewood. You start the fire in the room and I’ll catch up.”

“I can carry more than you,” she said. “I can come with you.”

Despite how much he wanted her company, he didn’t like her being out in the cold. They were too close to the end now. He didn’t want Corypheus’ fight to be harder because she caught the flu. He said, “Maybe there’s something else you need to do before I get there.”

Nazile draped her arms across his shoulders as she considered what he meant. He kissed under her jaw, and she pressed against him again. She said, “You are honestly worried I’ll catch a cold.”

Blackwall laughed. “I am. Please, go inside Inquisitor.”

“You’re going to have to make it up to me with more than firewood,” she said, offering him a wave as she walked towards the keep.

He noticed her hands slightly glow red instead of the regular green as she used the heat to warm her arms again. When he walked back to the stables, he found Solas investigating his rocking griffon. Blackwall asked, “Are you here for me?”

He didn’t turn away from the griffon as he said, “I wish to apologize for what I said to you, Blackwall.”

Blackwall shrugged. “You were right, though. I deserved it. It’s Nazile I was worried about. You should apologize to her.”

Solas continued, “My people had a saying long ago – ‘The healer has the bloodiest hands.’ You cannot treat a wound without knowing how deep it goes. You cannot heal pain by hiding it. You must accept. Accept the blood to make things better. You have taken the first step. That is the hardest part.”

Blackwall smiled to himself as the words washed over him. He knew Sera always kept their friendship a little strained, but he realized he had missed Solas’ company. He offered insights and a type of conversation the others couldn’t seem to carry. Not that it made them lesser, it was just a different sort of companionship he missed without him.

Blackwall said, “I appreciate you taking the time to say that to me.”

Solas turned and offered him a warm smile. He wondered if Solas considered what he had just considered as well. He said, “I notice that you and the Inquisitor’s relationship is holding strong despite everything that’s happened.”

“Yes. Is that a problem?”

Solas’ smile stayed warm, and Blackwall rubbed the back of his head. He felt a little foolish for being so defensive, especially as Solas continued, “Far from it. People should seize any chance for a moment's respite in times such as these. I am glad you've allowed yourself some happiness.”

“I expected you to think that I should keep punishing myself.”

Solas chuckled. “I would be concerned if you forgot your past, but that seems unlikely. Beyond that, guilt is a distraction. One we can ill afford.”

Blackwall finally returned his smile. A normalcy settled in between them. He asked, “What of you, then? Have you found someone to share a moment's respite?”

“I find my peace elsewhere.” Solas ran his hand along the rocking griffon’s neck. He said, “This is fine craftsmanship.”

Blackwall watched Solas carefully. His smile stayed, but it seemed a little sad. He couldn’t quite decide why Solas was here. Solas said, “I will remember this. When it is over.”

“This? This war? The Inquisition? That specific carving?”

“The people. How you fought against the tide. It is... courageous.”

“You’re saying goodbye,” Blackwall said.

“The end is nearly here, is it not?” Solas asked. “I’ve been told Morrigan is researching how to match Corypheus’ dragon.”

“That’s true,” Blackwall replied.

Solas simply nodded and began to walk away. He said, “I merely wanted to apologize before the battle ahead. Enjoy your night, Rainier.”

“You too,” he replied.

He absently watched Solas walk away as he started to gather the firewood into his arms. With his arms loaded, he hurried back to Nazile’s room. As he walked up the stairs, he said, “You’re not going to believe the conversation I had.”

“What conversation?”

He found Nazile still dressed and sitting on the bed. Blackwall added a few more logs to the fire and described his conversation with Solas. He undressed some, removing his shoes and a few layers of clothing. Nazile said, “Well, I’m glad you’re friends again, at least.”

Blackwall smiled and dropped onto the bed next to her. “It was strange. I hadn’t really noticed how much I enjoyed his company until he pulled it away from me. It’s nice to have another experienced fighter to speak with.”

“You mean you like having another old man to talk to.”

Blackwall laughed and pulled Nazile closer to him. “I’m not that old.” He slipped his hand across her thigh and said, “Now about that order of business we discussed.”

“Yes, about how you were going to warm me up,” Nazile said, hooking her leg over him. “What did you have in mind?”

“I planned for it to be one-sided,” he said. “I just warm you up completely.”

“You don’t want anything?” Nazile asked.

Blackwall smiled and replied, “Not tonight,” before kissing her.

He kissed her deeper as he pressed his hand between her thighs. He slipped his hand up through her shirt. He gently rubbed her pussy through her pants as he started to tease her nipple between two fingers. He watched Nazile’s lips part and asked, “Is that fine with you, my lady?”

Nazile nodded, and she untied her pants to give Blackwall better access. Sliding off the bed, he pulled off her pants. He kissed up her stomach as he removed her shirt, and then climbed back on the bed. Laying on his stomach, he draped her legs over his shoulders. He kissed her thigh as he began to finger her. Nazile bit her lower lip as he curled his finger inside of her. Sliding up on Nazile’s body, Blackwall kissed her neck as he pressed his thumb against her clit. She gasped and tightly gripped onto his shoulder. Gently grasping her breast, Blackwall licked her nipple as he pressed a second finger into her. “Oh Maker,” she groaned. “Don't stop.”

Blackwall kissed down her stomach again as he pressed his thumb against her nipple. She arched up against his touch, panting and squeezing her eyes shut as he moved his fingers quicker. Sliding down on her body, he kissed and licked her clit. Groaning Blackwall’s name, Nazile hooked her legs around his shoulders as she grasped the sheets. He continued circling her clit with his tongue as his fingers pumped into her. He throbbed at every sound she made, but he loved doing nothing but appreciating Nazile. 

Nazile came with a loud groan, and Blackwall continued until he was certain she was finished. Nazile pulled him up to kiss him, panting against his lips. Blackwall stopped her. “You’ve come a bit in my beard.”

Laughing, she replied, “Are you worried I’ll mind?”

“A bit.”

She kissed him, gently sucking his lower lip as she broke it. He kissed under her jaw and then down her neck as he traced his hands down her body. “Warmed up now?” he asked.

“Very,” she replied with a smile. She rubbed his chest and pecked his lips. “Thank you.”

He hugged her against him and nuzzled into her neck. He said, “Nazile, I love you.”

She smiled and hugged his arms to his chest. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”

He laughed. “Would you like me to shout it from the balcony?”

“No,” she said. “I’d just like you to know that I love you too.”

He smiled to himself. It was better than anything he could have asked for.

*

Nazile walked into the hall with weak legs. Josephine managed to throw together a celebration dinner before she even had the chance to catch her breath. She just wanted to sleep, but she could hear her companion’s happy chatter, and she realized she actually wasn’t that eager to leave.

They spoke with excitement about defeating Corypheus and the plans ahead for the Inquisition. Solas had vanished, and his goodbye lingered in the back of Nazile’s mind. When they said goodbye, she had thought he decided she would die defeating Corypheus, but perhaps he had always decided to move on. It felt odd without him. He’d been there in the beginning, and now she imagined him sitting with a serene smile in every empty chair.

She remembered her distant infatuation, her fantasy of watching over his body while he walked through the fade, and she pushed it aside. He was gone; no need to let her thoughts linger too long when others were still here with her.

Nearly everyone expressed interest in staying, and she made sure to assure Cole he always had a place in Skyhold, fearful that the boy would vanish if she wasn’t careful. Solas and Varric were his strongest supporters, and now Solas was gone and Varric planned to move on. Vivienne, too, planned to return to work eventually, but promised to stay on for a bit longer. Nazile was afraid of talking to politicians without her, but Vivienne assured her Josephine was more than up to the task, and that she would always make time for Nazile if she was needed.

As the evening progressed, she asked Blackwall where Varric was. He told her he was sitting alone at the end of a table, jotting into his notebook. She gave Blackwall’s arm a squeeze and excused herself to join Varric. She kneeled on the ground next to where he sat. “Hey Nazile,” he said. “Thanks for dragging me onto all the flying rocks to fight a giant dragon.”

“You told me you wanted to see this through,” Nazile said with a laugh.

“I also told you I didn’t want to fight anywhere but the city,” he said.

“Touché.”

Varric said, “I think it’s official that I’ve seen weirder shit with you than with Hawke. I mean, I saw a lot of weird shit with Hawke, but floating on rocks and fighting an almost-archdemon dragon is really the icing on the cake of our little adventure.”

“We also went into the fade.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what makes this the weirdest shit,” Varric said. “Loved reading my greatest fear on a tombstone. A lot of fun.”

Nazile laughed and said, “I really know how to show a dwarf a good time.”

Varric softened and said, “We did have some good times though, right?”

“Yeah, of course we did,” Nazile said, squeezing his hand. “Are you sure you won’t just stay here? You could get a lot of writing done.”

“Kirkwall is my home,” Varric said. “I’m glad I saw this through, I truly am, but it’ll feel good to go back to Kirkwall.”

“You’ll have to invite me to show me around,” Nazile said. “I’d like to experience all the massive holes your friends made. And have a drink in your favourite bar.”

“Sometime, yeah, sure, that’d be fun.”

“You don’t sound eager.”

“Forgive me for not wanting to invite the Inquisition to march into Kirkwall,” Varric said with a laugh.

“It’d just be me and a few people,” Nazile said, nudging him. “We wouldn’t set up a camp. I mean, we probably wouldn’t.”

Varric laughed, but he said nothing further. Nazile could hear him writing. She said, “I’d really like to meet Aveline.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Varric said. “I’m not leaving yet, Inquisitor.”

“I’m just - I’m afraid it’ll be one of those things that we’ll say we do, but we go decades without ever seeing each other. Varric-”

He lightly squeezed her arm and she sharply stopped talking. A lump started in her throat. Solas was already gone. Vivienne would be leaving. Varric next. She was afraid. Varric and she had avoided each other for a while, but to be completely without him? She wasn’t sure she could manage. 

“I know Nazile,” he softly said. “Don’t worry, I know. We’ll write to each other, all right? I’ll send you all my books too.”

“I know we figured out how to read them, but it won’t be the same without you reading them to me,” she said.

“Even if you can’t come to Kirkwall, I’ll come back sometime, okay? I’ll check in on how you’re doing and you can complain to me about all your perfect problems.”

“Do you promise?”

He laughed and hugged her tightly so she could rest her head against his chest. He rested his head on top of hers and she squeezed him. “I promise,” he said. “Don’t worry, I won’t be able to stay away from you forever.”

He released her, but when she made no motion to leave, he lightly touched her forearms and waited until her breaths turned steady. “I’m sorry I’m so clingy,” she said.

“Don’t apologize,” he said, laughing. “Come on, give me one of those hugs I hate and then call it a night. I know you’ve been thinking about going to bed, and if anyone deserves a good sleep, it’s you.”

Nazile swept him up into his arms, but she squeezed him, nuzzling into where his shoulder blade and neck met, breathing him in. She’d started this with Cassandra, Solas, and Varric, and if Cassandra wasn’t made the Divine, she’d be the only one left. The thought of seeing through the rest of the Inquisition without them seemed empty. She remembered when she thought she’d only ever need those three with her.

She felt the scar on Varric’s nose, and his lips brushed against her neck. The scruff on his chin teased her in an endearing way. She set him back down. “Have a good sleep, Inquisitor. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Maybe afternoon,” she replied with a laugh. “But you too.”

As she walked towards her room, she felt Blackwall’s fingers twine with hers. “Are we calling it a night?”

“We are,” she said.

They made some small talk about this being an ending, but also a beginning. He promised to stay by her side, and she believed it. They shared a few kisses and a tight embrace. Then they parted and undressed. Nazile stretched out on the bed, and Blackwall coiled around her with his beard brushing against her shoulders as he kissed her cheek. They rolled onto their sides and Blackwall curved her body against his, nuzzling into the back of her neck. They sat in silence together, but Blackwall often nuzzled or kissed the back of her neck, reminding her that he was awake.

“I’m scared,” she said. “All I wanted to do was seal the fade rifts. I’ve never been good at this Inquisition stuff.”

Blackwall softly said, “I know that all you’ve wanted to do, but you’ve been doing a fine job. And that’s why they like you as Inquisitor. You’re humble and careful. I know not everyone thinks you do, but you’ve made strong decisions. And, Maker, I’m still relieved you didn’t step into that pool.”

“I really, really wanted it,” she said. “All that knowledge,” she let her voice trail off.

“I would have loved you regardless,” Blackwall said, “but I’m relieved you’re not bound to a god, Morrigan’s mother or otherwise.”

“I am too,” Nazile replied, “though I worried about giving her that much power. I understand why the Warden didn’t take her up on her offer - whatever that was. She’s hard to trust. Part of me just wanted to destroy the well.”

“Morrigan will find knowledge and power regardless of whether or not she had the well,” Blackwall replied. “A person like that, they just always find a way. And she helped in the end. She saw things through this time.”

Nazile smiled. “She did.”

Blackwall hugged her arms to her chest and said, “Nazile, I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Are we going to try to start a family?”

She turned around in his arms, folding her arms against his chest. She nodded. “I’d like to. Not tonight, I’m far too sore and I imagine you’re worse-off than me, but as soon as we’re not sore. Is that what you want too?”

“It really is,” he said, nuzzling her. “I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like.”

“How many children would you want?” Nazile asked.

“Ten.”

She laughed. “Stop.”

“Two or four,” he said. “I think we may be pushing our luck with four, but if it’s all right with you, I’d like more than one. I liked having a sister, and I’m older. I don’t want them to live their lives alone after we pass.”

“I liked the idea of two,” Nazile said. “Would it bother you if one of them was a mage?”

“Hardly,” he said with a chuckle. “They both should be. And I hope they get your smile.”

“No, don’t curse them,” Nazile said, laughing.

He chuckled and squeezed her. She hooked her leg over him, sliding his body closer to her. They brushed their lips together, and she knitted her fingers into his chest hair. He asked, “Does the thought of children scare you?”

“Incredibly,” she said.

“I wasn’t always the noblest person.”

“We’ve both killed people for money,” she said, “but they’ll be raised within the Inquisition. Hopefully they’ll see all the good we’ll do.”

“Maker, what if they rebel?”

Nazile smiled. “We’ll figure out how to deal with it.”

“Suddenly killing Corypheus seems like it was easy.”

She laughed, and he smiled against her lips before kissing her. Maybe it was still a high from the victory, but she really felt as though she could take on anything with Blackwall at her side.


	10. Epilogue

Varric hopped off of the wagon he reached Skyhold. He managed to get a ride with a merchant, and he looked around the keep as if it were new. The surrounding area had built up a lot, and the inside was a lot more polished. There were still stalls and people and soldiers, but there was an organization to it that there wasn’t before. There were half-walls and full-walls and buildings he didn’t remember.

There were a lot more flowers too. He wondered if that was Josephine’s doing. The mabari kennels – now those he knew were Nazile’s doing.

When he walked towards the staircase that led into the entrance, he heard a familiar voice. “You said you wanted to watch the soldiers train,” Cullen said. “Your father will be upset if he finds out you tried to wander off.”

“So boring.”

Varric turned around at the voice of a child. He saw a small girl, perhaps nine or ten, walking away from Cullen, who followed behind her. The girl’s skin was lighter than Nazile’s, and two small horns reached out of her forehead. Her thick, black hair was loose and her thin, carefully pointed nose was slightly raised upwards as she tried to walk faster than Cullen without comitting to a run.

Varric took a step closer, and her bright, blue eyes met his. She turned back to Cullen and gripped onto his leg.

“Varric,” Cullen said. “The Inquisitor mentioned you were hoping to stop in one of these months.”

Varric noticed the barrier go up around Cullen and the girl. Cullen rolled his eyes and said, “This is one of your mom’s friends.”

The girl said nothing and tightened her grip on Cullen’s leg, carefully positioning herself behind him. Varric said, “So you’re a babysitter now.”

“No,” Cullen said. “This one practically begged me to let her train with the others, but as soon as I start explaining what to do, she runs off.”

“I saw Sera on the roof,” the girl said. “She’s more fun.”

Cullen said, “This is what I have to live with. Sera’s more fun. Samson has better stories. And my men agree with her.”

“I might have to as well,” Varric said.

Cullen laughed and said, “What’s the point of coming back if you’re not going to be on my side? Are you looking for Inquisitor Adaar?”

“Yes,” Varric said. “I mean, I’m not opposed to saying hi to everyone while I’m looking for her.”

“If you see Bull and Dorian, you’ll find yourself drunk into next week before you find Nazile,” Cullen replied.

The girl said with a slight gasp, “He knows Bull?”

“You’ve heard your mom talk about Varric,” Cullen said. “She’s around back, near the stables. They built a small house back there for the family. There are a few other houses around too for people with children. Hers is connected to the keep, so it’ll stand out. Rainier is likely out in front of it.”

“He’s not out in the field?”

“It’s rare when we go out on the field ourselves anymore unless we’re meeting with someone,” Cullen said.

“I want to sit with Sera,” the girl said.

“It seems like you have your hands full,” Varric said. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Please,” Cullen said. “I’m desperate for decent conversation.”

“Desperate for boring conversation,” the girl muttered, pulling Cullen towards the tavern.

Varric smiled to himself as the girl glanced back at him before heading back to the tavern. He wondered if Nazile liked her being around Bull. He walked towards the stables, giving a few familiar faces a nod or a hello. He did spot the house right away, and he knew it leaned against where a door to the keep used to be. It reminded him of Blackwall’s cabin in the woods, but he noticed flower boxes beneath the windows, filled with bright, blossoming flowers. He supposed her original chambers were hardly suited to raising kids, and he wondered who stayed there now. He’d miss looking off the balcony.

Barkspawn raised his head as Varric approached, and a few Mabari puppies eagerly sniffed his feet. “How long do Mabari live, anyway?” he asked Barkspawn who leaned upwards just enough to get a friendly pat.

Varric knocked on the door, and Rainier answered. His beard was a bit shorter and a bit greyer, and his hair was pulled back into a bun. He carried a confidence in his shoulders Varric didn’t remember. “Varric,” he said, giving him a warm handshake. “We’ve been expecting you to pop up anytime now.”

“Pretty much any merchant was eager to bring me to Skyhold, but they all had a million stops to make first,” Varric said. “Sorry if I’m late.”

“You’re just fine,” Rainier said, offering him a broad smile. “It’s really good to see you. You’ve been holding up all right?”

“Holding up just fine,” Varric said. “Yourself?”

“Let’s just say closing rifts is a vacation compared to raising these kids,” he replied with a laugh. He slapped Varric on the back and led him into another room as he continued, “I’ll take the boy and let you catch up with Nazile.”

“The boy?” Varric asked. “There’s two?”

“What do you and Nazile write about if she’s not bragging about her kids?” Rainier asked with a laugh. “Come on in.”

Varric followed him and found Nazile sitting in a chair with a small boy in her lap. It was something else, seeing her sitting like this, and a warmth filled his chest as he watched her. She looked both the exact same and somehow incredibly different. Blackwall’s charm still hung from her horn, she still wore the same smile, and loose curls still hung from her forehead. She was still the woman he treasured.

He thought the boy looked more like Nazile than the girl did. His skin was still lighter, but closer to Nazile’s, and he had her broad nose, though it was unbroken. He kept his black hair in a bun, while Nazile’s was in a braid over her shoulder. There were two small bumps on his forehead, and Varric assumed they’d be horns soon enough.

Varric pegged him around five or six. He cautiously read to Nazile, though he spent more time describing the pictures to her. Rainier grinned at Varric and squeezed his shoulder. Clearly proud of his family, though not rubbing it in his face. “Varric’s here,” Rainier said to Nazile. “I’ll take the boy off your hands for a bit.”

The boy’s blue eyes widened as he looked at Varric, and Rainier swept him up into his arms. “Let’s go on patrol,” Rainier said to the boy.

The boy hugged his father tightly, buried his face in his chest to keep from having to look at Varric. “He’ll warm up to you later,” Nazile said. “Just give it time.”

“Your girl put up a barrier when she saw me,” Varric said with a laugh. “I didn’t realize I was that scary.”

“You’d think they’d be more used to strangers,” Rainier said. “Was she still with Cullen, or did she drag him off to see Sera?”

“She was in the process of dragging him to see Sera,” Varric said.

“Let’s go save Cullen from your sister while on patrol,” Rainier said to the boy, who still refused to pull his face away. “I’ll talk to you later, Varric.”

He set down his bag and set Bianca down next to it as Rainier left. The room looked simple and homey. A large fireplace sat in the corner near the chair, and he saw a pile of pillows and toys in the corner. Blackwall’s rocking griffon sat in one corner, and there was a smaller one that matched. He frowned as Nazile offered him a smile. She looked a touch too thin, and it worried him. “Pull up a chair,” Nazile said. “I don’t want to get up.”

He stood next to her instead, leaning on her armrest. “Are you all right?” Varric asked, squeezing her hand.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Nazile said, squeezing his back. “We were - we were going to try for four, but,” her voice trailed off. “Two’s a fine number.”

“It is,” Varric said, pulling up a chair while keeping his hand with Nazile’s. “No one introduced me to your kids.”

Nazile laughed. “The girl is Tural and the boy is Jaraas. The girl is all energy and is already casting spells. I’d blame Dorian, but they’re not spells he knows. There are enough mages around that someone is helping her. But she has her heart set on being a soldier like Cullen. Cullen thinks she’s not controlled enough. Imagine saying that to a child,” she laughed.

Varric smiled as he listened. He asked, “And the boy? Is he a spellcaster?”

“He might still be,” Nazile said. “He’s too young to tell, but the doctor said it was likely they would be, since I have to put so much energy into them while they’re still developing. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to have another after Tural, and for a while we thought I wouldn’t be able to bring another child to term. But here he is. He’s much quieter and shy, but Cole is fond of him.”

“Cole’s still here?”

“He is,” Nazile said, smiling again. “He spends a lot of time with them - particularly Jaraas. And he spends a lot of time with me, if I’m being honest. He’s been helping me,” she paused and searched for the words, “process everything.”

“So you’ve really put a lot of time into being a mom.”

“Yeah,” Nazile said, softly. “We really wanted to give it a shot. There are other families too, so the kids aren’t lonely and we have a little school set up for them. I mean, the Inquisition is hardly on the backburner, but I mean, I fought so hard for the world not to be destroyed and to change it for the better, it makes sense to bring in new life to really appreciate it.”

“I bet you’re a great mom,” Varric said, laughing.

“Maker, I’m usually the bad guy. Rainier is too soft on them. Sera and Bull encourage them to break the rules. Cassandra’s the only one who can really get them to listen, but she’s usually off with Leliana or helping Leliana.” She paused thoughtfully and said, “Rainier’s gotten angry a few times when he thought Tural would hurt herself, and she really listened then, but, yeah, if you asked them if I was a good mom, they’d probably prefer Josephine in a heartbeat.”

Varric said, “Now I don’t believe that for a second.”

“I’m usually working all day or away for weeks and I come home tired and I’m not always at my best for them,” Nazile replied. “I try to talk to Tural about spellcasting, but she already thinks she knows everything about it.”

“But that’s part of being a kid, right?” Varric asked. “They’ll come around. Jaraas was reading with you.”

“I make them,” she said. “They consider it a chore.”

“Really? You’ve been giving me chores all these years?”

“I guess so,” Nazile said with a laugh. “I appreciate that you’ve never treated it like one.”

“It’s never felt like one, but I’m not learning how to read,” he said. “I mean, that’s why I’m here.”

“You’ve come to read to me?”

“Well, I keep asking you to come to Kirkwall, but you’re never able to make the time.”

“I’m either here being a parent and the Inquisitor, or I’m off where the Inquisitor is needed, worrying about not being around to parent,” Nazile said. “When they’re a bit older, I’ll be able to make a few pleasure trips. I’m really disappointed I haven’t been to Kirkwall yet.”

“Well, I’m bringing Kirkwall to you,” he said, softly. He saw the threads of grey in her hair, and he worried she’d never find time. He loved Kirkwall, certainly, but he loved her too. He’d leave it behind from time to time for her. As he watched her, he realized her company felt like home too. “I’ve brought another book.”

“Have you?”

“I sent you one, but Cassandra said you didn’t read it.”

“The one about the Saarebas?” Nazile asked. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure why-”

“I wrote it under a pseudonym,” Varric said. “I didn’t want people to,” he hesitated and said, “get the wrong impression about my relationship with you. It’s selling really well, but I think that’s just because people are a little in love with Tal-Vashoth women now that you’ve saved them.”

Nazile smiled and said, “It’s a romance between a Saarebas and a surface dwarf. Josephine’s been quashing rumours that you and I had a torrid affair after the defeat of Corypheus ever since that book came out.”

Varric laughed and puffed out his chest. “I’m influential no matter what name I write under.”

“How many people suspect it’s you writing it?”

“Not as many as I had hoped,” Varric said “Come on, let me read it to you.”

“Okay, but it’s definitely a fantasy about you and me, right?”

“Oh without a doubt,” he said. “Maybe you can escape into it whenever the kids become too much.”

“We don’t have kids in it?”

“I didn’t realize it was possible when I started writing it,” he said, realizing her he gave her a timeline as to when he wrote it. “So I just didn’t want to include it. What do you suppose the children would be like?”

“They would probably look like elf-sized Tal-Vashoth,” Nazile said. “And they’d be loud and arrogant. Bet they could drink anyone under the table though. Do you suppose they’d have magic?”

“Maybe,” Varric said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t.”

“When you write a sequel, you’ll have to give us children,” Nazile said. “Theorize about what they’d be like.”

“When I write a sequel?” Varric asked. “You haven’t even read this one.”

“Cassandra wants a sequel,” Nazile said, “and I know how influential she is.”

Varric sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to hear the end of it, am I?”

“Cassandra asked me to send a messenger as soon as you arrived,” Nazile said. “I’ll give you a couple extra hours of peace, unless Cullen does it without my knowing.”

“Has he read it?”

“I didn’t ask,” Nazile replied. “Thom’s read it though.”

Varric nervously straightened out his shirt and said, “Has he?”

“Kept telling me I should read it,” Nazile replied, laughing. “I suppose he knew it was you who wrote it. I know he and Cassandra spent some time talking about it. He thought the rumours were hilarious.”

“So he really liked it?”

“Loved it,” Nazile said. “But you made Cassandra promise not to tell me, right?”

“Yeah,” Varric replied. “I wanted to tell you myself.”

Nazile laughed. “Well, I’m flattered. Cassandra must have told Thom not to tell me. Probably the first thing he asked her was if you wrote it.”

Varric cleared his throat. “There may be a few intimate details in there.”

“Ah, a thorough firsthand account,” Nazile said, nudging him with a grin. “Did you bring an extra copy to read to me?”

“I sure did,” Varric said.

He moved away and dug around in his bag as Nazile put another log on the fire. She moved a few cushions closer to the fireplace and sat down on the floor. He noticed several painted portraits resting on the mantelpiece alongside Warden Blackwall’s badge. “Is that comfortable?” Varric asked.

“I’ll lay down in a couple of minutes,” she said. “You can sit in a chair if you’d prefer.”

Varric watched her adjust the cushions around her, patting the one around her back. She pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around her front, tucking her legs in. “Do you need an extra cushion?” Varric asked.

Nazile grinned. “Are you offering?”

Varric sat down next to her and pulled over her cushion so it supported his back as well. “I’m offering,” he said.

She pulled the blanket back out to cover his lap and slouched so she could rest her head on his shoulder. “I might change positions a few times,” she said. “I just got back from travelling and I’m still really sore.”

“You were travelling? I thought you just-”

“She was stillborn,” Nazile said. “I didn’t want to stay. Thom said if I needed space, I should take it.”

“I’ve noticed you only call him Rainier now.”

“Blackwall still sometimes slips out,” Nazile said. “It’s really embarrassing. Everyone adapted so quickly to my names, and I still sometimes say Blackwall. Anyway, we discussed it and we decided we should choose one name so we didn’t confuse the children. He decided to stay with his own so it didn’t seem like he was running away from the mistakes he made. I told him he was an honorable man in his own right. Blackwall may have helped to change him for the better, but those changes, they were his work.”

“And you’re getting on fine?”

“It doesn’t always feel like it, but it’s perfect,” she said. “He’s a great dad and a wonderful husband. And he doesn’t think reading to me is a chore either. Sometimes we all pile into bed - the four of us - and we’ll all curl up together. Thom will read until the kids have fallen asleep. I’ll be honest, sometimes I fall asleep too. But in those moments, I’m truly happy - and happy in a way I never thought I’d be. It’s something else, Varric. It really is.”

“I believe it,” he said.

They sat quietly for a moment, and Varric rested his head against hers. Somehow she event smelt the same. He thumbed through the book. “He’s been asking about when you’re going to write a book about your time in the Inquisition,” Nazile said.

“Everyone asks me that,” he said. “I have a lot of notes. It just doesn’t flow as well as it did with Hawke. We spent so much time wandering around and closing rifts. What do I write about? Do I just focus on the bits everyone wants to hear and risk them missing all the tedious effort you put into it? Do I dedicate a chapter to the rain and the mud in the Storm Coast? And the Inquisition isn’t over. You’re all still here.”

“Honestly I don’t care if you ever finish it,” she said.

Varric laughed. “Really?”

She shrugged. “There’s so much I’d never want to relive - like our time in the Wastes - and I don’t want things to ever feel neatly finished. I don’t want it to feel like it’s ended.”

“You greatly overestimate the influence my books have,” Varric said, chuckling again.

She squeezed his arm. “You know what I mean,” she said. “I hardly hear from Leliana anymore. If I didn’t have to meet politicians, I probably would never see Vivienne. Cassandra tries to juggle her time, but I know how much easier her life would be if she didn’t always squeeze us in. She wants to see us, but I know it’s a pain. And you’re in Kirkwall-”

“I’m here,” he said.

She didn’t reply right away. She settled more comfortably next to him. “Yes, yes you are. Let’s enjoy it. Dig into that book.”

“All right,” Varric said. He cleared his throat and began, “It all started on the rolling waves of the Wounded Coast.”


End file.
